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Lost My Soulmate And Best Friend Of 30+ Yrs. I Am Lost.


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My spouse died 4 weeks ago and I am feeling so lost and broken. He went into the hospital for some back surgery and was in rehab. He had not been feeling well for a couple of days when one day he would not wake up. He was moved to ICU with pneumonia and put on an oxygen mask and within 24 hours he was on life support. He never regained consciousness and after 3 weeks his body (heart, liver, kidneys) started to shut down. We removed life support and he passed in my arms. They say he had ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome). I am just having a horrible time accepting that he is gone. It just feels so WRONG. I just feel like I should be doing something, anything for him but there is nothing to be done. I don't want to go to bed at night because all I do is cry. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I should have done something, saw something, said something, that I missed something that would have prevented this.

As I said it has been 4 weeks and the numbness has worn off. I just feel this huge gapping hole. I know my life will never be the same and I am so scared right now. He was my best friend and we loved each other so much. Everyone says it will get better with time but I don't know if I can stand this pain. The thought of feeling like this for a year before it gets better is overwhelming. They say to remember the good times but that just makes me miss him and hurt more. Any tips from someone who has been there would be much appreciated.

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Dear one,

I am truly sorry for your great loss. You have found a warm and caring place here on the forum. I'm glad you have found your way here, yet I'm sorry you have need to be here. There will be others here for you soon who are much more qualified than I to help you.

My first husband committed suicide due to unrelenting pain. Although I remember the raw and raging pain you are feeling right now, there will be others here for you who are at or near where you are now. I am here due to anticipatory grief (unwell husband of almost 47 years), yet I care very much for those who are in the worst of the throes of grief.

May God hold you gently and tenderly, and give you His powerful strength and comfort.

Blessings and warm hugs,

Carrie

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I am so sorry you lost your husband. It was like that for me too as it was sudden and unexpected and it does leave you in shock. The healing is gradual and our grief journey ever changing. It does get better but there is no way to circumvent the grief and the pain but straight through it. When I went through it in those early months/years, I didn't know that I could survive it, but I did, one day at a time. Try not to think about "the rest of your life" or how long it's going to hurt, but just deal with this very moment was there is right now. You will smile again, you will have good in your life again, but it does take time and effort. Marty has a course to help grievers through their first year, maybe check out the rest of this site and consider enrolling in that.

Meanwhile, it does help to express yourself, coming here, journalling, maybe writing in a blog. You won't need to do this alone, we'll be here for you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I understand what you mean. My wife of 25 + years passed away suddenly. I am in a state of shock because her death was unexpected. Although she was sick, I just expected life to continue with my beloved as before. I feel and felt all the emotions and feelings you express. I was/am so lost without my best friend.

I searched the internet and was led to this place where people just care, love, listen and understand. It hurts so bad at times it stops my breathing. I went two weeks only getting two hours of sleep a night,

A kind soul here suggested asking the doctor for a mild sleeping pill to help the body relax. I resisted at first, but did call the doctor and I am sleeping better sometimes. I didn't know how I could make it another day but you do, one day at a time.

Next Monday March 16th, my wife passed a way one month ago. Just come back here and let it out so others can love you, pray, and come along side. I am told because I love my wife deeply I will grieve deeply.

I'm following the suggestions of getting enough sleep. eat moderately and exercise. Our hearts are intertwined. We are just living apart for now til we meet up again. Remember the good times, find happy pictures and memories. And when all those feelings comes just let them. I cry, I laugh, I remember,i get mad, and get angry

There is so much good information here. Read others life stories and realize you are not alone. Take care I will pray for you to find your way. Shalom

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