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Loss After Loss After Loss


Jami

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Hi everyone. I'm new to this site and I wanted to share. Just about two years ago my husband of 24 years told me he wanted a divorce. 3 months later I found out it was because he was having an affair with my best friend. They both tried to make me think I was crazy when I started to be suspicious, but then he finally admitted it to me. I was devastated. We had lived in Florida together for the last 14 years, but I moved back home to MA when he left me. My divorce was final last June and he married her in July. She lives in my house, sleeps in my bed, eats in my kitchen. My husband said it started when she started sending him messages on Facebook, telling him I didn't deserve him, making things up about things I never said. She wanted my life, which was good one. She got it. I have taken 4 overdoses and have been in 7 psych hospitals, and I was a literal mess. I finally started to feel like I had a future, and then last July my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She was gone 3 months later, in October. I was still reeling from it all, and then 3 weeks ago my little sister was found dead by her boyfriend when he got home from work. She had a drug problem and finally overdosed. She was 44. I honestly don't know how to go on. My family is torn apart and devastated. Since I have moved 4 times since I got back to MA, and my insurance has changed 3 times, I'm just starting with a new therapist. I just don't know how much faith I have in cognitive behavioral therapy or anything else. I am so depressed I rarely get out of bed or go anywhere. I am terrified that when the phone rings it will be something terrible. My aunt has colon cancer and my good friend is having his leg amputated due to diabetes. He lost his other leg 3 years ago. I am afraid for me, for everyone I love. It's just too much death and loss and I don't feel like there is ground beneath my feet anymore. I have panic and anxiety attacks now that I never had before. Most of my friends don't know what to say to me or how to react, so they stay away. I am alone 90% of the time, alone with my terror, and I barely sleep. I have eaten myself into gaining 40 lbs and I look terrible and feel terrible. I'm a dental hygienist but I barely brush my teeth now. I just don't care. Anyway, I wanted to vent here. Thanks for reading, and if anyone has any good advice as to how to want to live again, I'm definitely listening.

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I am sorry for all you have been going through. Years ago, I was married to my first husband and a "friend" decided she wanted my life. She set out to take him from me and had a baby with him. In our case, he didn't get a divorce, though, with time, I did. I raised their child for three years and must say it was the only good thing from him! I'm still in touch with him today he's now 42) but neither of us has contact with my ex (his dad). Sometimes people get what they want and discover it wasn't worth having...one can only hope she figures it out someday. My concern is not for her, however, but you. You have so much on your plate! To go through all that and the added loss of your sister, your aunt and friend's news, it's too much at once. No wonder you feel devastated! I hope you will get the insurance changes figured out and can see a good grief counselor. I don't know about cognitive therapy, but I do know a grief counselor can be worth their weight in gold. You might want to see your general practitioner about your sleep. Try to make taking care of yourself your top priority...drink plenty of water, force yourself to brush your teeth, and get some help with the sleep. You might want to set a goal for yourself to get out three times a week...a trip to the grocery store could count as one. Try a daily walk, if you're afraid of running into people and not being up to that, time it so you won't, early morning maybe.

You are worth your own best efforts! (((hugs)))

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I am so very sorry for all you are going through right now. You need to find a good grief counselor who can help you sort out all these losses you are dealing with in your life right now.

You are not what is happening to you. I send you hugs and hope you stay here and share your story with us. We know the pain and are not afraid of walking with you in your pain.

Anne

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I am sending a lot of loving thoughts and healing prayers to you as you go through this incredibly painful and difficult time. I am so sorry that so much loss has come into your life. The betrayal by your husband and friend is something that would knock anyone to their knees. And you have had to endure so much more. Your life has been such a place of trauma and loss these last two years. Moving, starting a new life, losing your marriage, husband, friend, and your family members is a lot to bear.

Right now, be tenderly and lovingly kind to yourself. Eat healthy foods, drink lots of fluids to stay hydrated, and spend as much time as you can with your new counselor. I am concerned about your hospitalizations and the four overdoses. Life can get better. Life will get better, but it takes patience and a lot of self-care and self-loving. Love yourself more than you have ever loved anyone. If no one taught you how to love yourself, ask your counselor. Start with taking very good care of your body.

Instead of trying to peer into the future and think about what life might be like, you might find it easier to just think about today. Every morning, you might think about good and caring, compassionate and loving things you could do for yourself today. Early on, I would give myself the gift of a bubble bath in the middle of the day.

I hear you that you do not have much emotional support, and that is a good reason to come here. Betrayal can cause a lot of trauma—often more than being in a bad car accident—so talk with your counselor about that as well if you feel up to it.

We hear you and are here to support you.

I am sending {{{hugs}}} and blessings, and will keep you in prayers and in my thoughts. Life will get better, and you will feel better. For now, just take care of yourself as you would a small child who needs lots of reassuring love and caring from you. Be gentle and nurturing to your broken heart.

Blessings,

feralfae

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