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Mom Died This Morning - No Grief, Just Relief


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She was 95. She developed dementia, got very paranoid and turned on me after I had been her "caregiver" and chauffer for 8 years after my father died. She also said and did some things that were extremely manipulative and caused a breech between me and one of my children.

When my father died I was totally grief stricken. Six years ago my beloved husband was diagnosed with advanced cancer and died at home with me as his caregiver. I grieved deeply for him.

Today I feel no sadness, no grief. Just relief. I cried a little as I sat at her bedside at the Hospice Center last evening. But not much and not for long.

Has anyone else ever experienced this?

Deeana

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What you're feeling in the wake of your mother's death is certainly understandable, Deeana, and not unusual under the circumstances you describe. I'm sure that some of our members will share similar experiences with you, but in the meantime you may find this article of interest: Complicated Grief: Mourning An Abusive Mother. Be sure to check out some of the resources listed at the base of the post, too.

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Thank you. Marty. I am educating myself.

Due to the longstanding problems in the mother/daughter relationship, I may not have much grief left in me, having already grieved the lack of a relationship with my mother so many times over the years.

I happened upon some readings about daughters of mothers who are on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder spectrum. There are lots and lots of red flags. All of which would get even more complicated by dementia, of course.

I'll keep reading.

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Deeana,

I am sorry you lost your mother, and even more sorry that your time with her was so difficult. I know something about that, having had a mom that was challenging all my life, I just lost her last August. My mom had mental illness and when she developed dementia, it was hard for us to discern when it started because her mental illness made it difficult to know when the dementia inappropriateness started, she'd always been inappropriate. We did start noticing, however, that she was getting more and more "out there" and finally that she couldn't handle her everyday life. She would not, however, let us help her. She quit taking all her medications, wouldn't go to the doctor. It took us a year to go to court to force her to get a medical evaluation. By this time it was dangerous for her to live alone but we couldn't force her to do otherwise, and when the court/doctors said she needed 24/7 lockdown, there was no place available. My mom had threatened to kill my dog (thinking she'd "spare" him the rapture) and I was concerned she'd burn my place down if I took her in, her thinking was so distorted. Having her live alone when we were all so far away put us under tremendous anxiety. Finally the day came when there was an opening at a dementia care facility and we were all so relieved that she'd be safe! But then I was worried about her adjustment and worried she'd feel abandoned. I went to see her every chance I got. I had sisters that would not, but I did finally get them in for a couple of visits before she died, a little over two years later. I never knew how I'd feel if she died, I didn't even know at one point if I'd attend her funeral! Or if we'd have one. Her relationships have always been difficult and more than strained due to how she treats people. But when the time came, I did grieve, I realized I do love her, and I did attend her funeral. I certainly understand your feelings, and agree that you have grieved the loss of relationship as you would have desired it, long before she died...even as I had. You may shed tears yet, it could be you're feeling numb due to all you've been through. But even if you never shed tears, that doesn't mean anything. You were a good daughter to her and if she had been in her right and sound mind, she'd have realized and appreciated it...who knows, maybe someday we'll meet up again and have that good relationship that didn't happen here. I look forward to that, to knowing my mom in a sound mind, a clear mind, one that's not distorted with paranoia, etc. A mom that realizes what wonderful kids she had. All of her kids and grandkids attended her funeral, deserved or not, that speaks well for what wonderful offspring she had, no thanks to the treatment they all got. My mom, I'm sure, was a wonderful loving person, buried deep inside the shell of a demented person that did not see life through the right filter, and responded accordingly. The person displayed to us was problematic, no common sense, without sensitivity or understanding. I was lucky in that dementia, in my mom's case, softened her in the last year or two, it helped us forgive and let go of some of the past hurts. I wish that was the case with all dementia patients, but I understand that many of them get more volatile and hostile as their illness progresses. I'm sorry for all you've been through. Just know that however your body is choosing to respond (or not) is understandable and normal under the circumstances. Don't try to put any expectation on yourself, be understanding of yourself. You deserve it.

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Kay,

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful response. You have my condolences on the loss of your mother - and your husband if I have read correctly. I am so sorry to read that you had to go through the court proceedings. I was just at the point of having to initiate that when a fall intervened.

Oh, I am planning to attend my mother's funeral, no question about that. And it isn't that I didn't shed a few tears. I did. But only a very few. Far, far different feelings than I had at the death of my father or my husband. And the sense of relief is quite strong.

My mother had many similar behaviors to what you describe your mother having. She had been a difficult person all of her life and became quite cantankerous as she aged. "You can't tell me what to do" became her mantra, whether it was in regard to needing to wear a decent, flat-soled boot in the winter time snow to, well, whatever. She had always been on the paranoid side in her thinking about others but that grew more pronounced the older she got. We then got into "stories" about how she should not mourn my father because "a friend" had called her on the phone and told her my dad was running around with other women. (He was 85 when he died.) Then came accusations that I was coming into her house when she was out on the Senior Transportation bus. What was I doing? Washing her dishes, straightening up her house and "putting things in her closets"!

Eventualy, she ended up falling in her home and that led to her living in a care facility and finally diagnosed. At first, she was placed on medication and actually mellowed out a bit, with much less paranoia and agitation. Then she decided they were trying to poison her and refused to take the meds anymore. So the negative behaviors returned and even worsened at times.

My mother's dementia was diagnosed by two different gerontological specialists as Lewy Body Dementia. It is the #2 type of dementia behind Alzheimers. It is related to Parkinson's Disease, in that the "Lewy Bodies" are a type of protein (named after Dr. Lewy) found in the brain of these patients. Depending where they are located in the brain, it becomes Parkinsons of LBD - or both eventually.

The progression of this LBD is quite different than from Alzheimers. Becoming "no longer socially appropriate" in the sense of losing their social graces and saying anything to anybody, no matter how embarrassing, is said to be a part of the earlier stages. Later on the paranoia set in big time, along with hallucinations, so she would call the police to report "people wearing hats" in her basement. The local police were quite kind about this, but they really need to do their job and not have many of these calls. In a way, it was kind of a God's blessing that she fell - did not break anything at that time - because that led to hospitalization, can't be released back to home, etc.

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I spoke at length with my sister today. I've learned that she is having the same experience, feeling very little sadness, great sense of relief.

For those who had a wonderful or maybe I should say a normal relationship with their mother, they would likely not have any understanding of feeling this way. When my father died I had terrible grief. We were close, he was my friend and I could always count on him. Although he was in his 80's, his death came unexpectedly from a massive heart attack. So, no good-byes.

At six months out, when I started to talk about my dad to my mother I got tears in my eyes. She looked at me and said "You're not still crying about this are you? You really need to get over it." After that my mother proceeded to tell me that my father was "not as great as everybody thought he was". These things were really hurtful to me. And I was the only one she was saying them to - nothing like this to my sister (but my sister did not live in town and only talked to her via telephone maybe every three weeks or so for 10-15 min. conversations)

My mom had been saying some strange things even prior to my Dad's death. She had been hospitalized about 4 months prior to his death and one of their CD's had come up for renewal. He had to go to the bank to sign paperwork for it "re-upped". She was not available to sign, so he just signed the paperwork. Well, they issued the new CD in his name only. When my mother got out of the hospital and saw the paperwork, she went ballistic and angrily accused my father of "trying to steal her money". Nothing he or I said could change her mind about this - that he was trying to steal from her.

I did not know it at the time, but this may have been the beginnings of the dementia she was later diagnosed with.

My mother no longer drove at the time of my father's death. He was her chauffer. Once he was gone, she had to depend on me to take her everywhere. I was still working full time at the time. She had health problems that required medical care. I would take time off work to take her to her appointments. I would ask her to try to make her appointments for in the afternoon so that I could go in and work and then leave in the afternoon. She would not do this, telling me that "you can't tell them when you want an appointment, you have to adjust to their schedule".

My daughter helped me out with this and for the first year my sister lived in town. Then my sister moved away and it was all up to my daughter and I. We handled it for another year and then my daughter was pregnant with her first child and not feeling all that well. I contacted the local Agency for the Aging and they told me about a senior transport program called Access.

My mother had a conniption when I brought the idea of senior transport up to her. She said it was the family's obligation and that she was not "going on some bus with strangers". (The widowed lady next door to my mother used the service because I had seen the mini-bus in front of her house several times) I told her that it would give her independence to use the service and that things are changing what with a new baby coming, so she has to do this. She was very bitter about this. But she did it.

After that I would still take her to doctor's appointments, but felt she could use the Access for grocery shopping. But sometimes I would still take her grocery shopping, to the bank, to the other stores, etc. She was quite demanding, even at times when I would tell her that I could take her here or there but that I had another obligation for later in the day and would need to just take her for her appointment and take her right back home. On the way home she would say "Oh, I just want to stop into the store for a few things" and I would answer "No, mom, I already told you I can't make any stops today" and she would get very huffy and say "Well, I don't think it is beyond you to just stop so I can pick up a few things". I learned to just ignore this and take her straight back home.

My mother was also manipulative and told outright lies at times. For one of her doctor's appointments she called and told me "I don't need you to take me. [My daughter] wants to take me." I said okay. That evening I talked to my daughter and she asked me if they were giving me a bad time at work over leaving to take my mother places. I said no, why do you ask. It turned out my mother had called her and asked her to take her to her appointment, telling her that I could not get the time off work.

The time came when my mother told my daughter that she had begun receiving "obscene phone calls from a man". She also told this story to me and named the person who she thought was doing this. The person she named was an old neighbor, who as it happened had a noticeable speech impediment of a lisp. When my daughter and I questioned if the caller spoke with a lisp she said he did not. When we said we will call the phone company and report this she absolutely refused.

My mother later went on to tell me that "a friend" had called her and told her she should not bother to mourn my father because he was running around on her with other women. But she would not reveal who this "friend" was. She also told me that my father was a drug dealer, selling his pain pills to men in the parking lot of the grocery store. (He would sit out in the car while she grocery shopped. One day she came out and saw a man beside his car. He said it was the son of a man he had worked with. She did not believe him.)

Eventually I came to believe that something not right was going on with my mother's thinking. I talked to her doctor about it. He administered a mini-mental test on her. She was outraged that anyone from her family would call her doctor and tell him she is crazy. Her anger over this was out of bounds. She screamed and swore at me and called me names. It was awful.

The story just goes on and on and on..... never a close mother/daughter relationship with either daughter to begin with, some sort of an likely an undiagnosed emotional disturbance, anger issues all of her life.

I guess I'm feeling a little sad that I don't feel more sad.

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I had to smile at the "You can't tell me what to do!" because that is so my mom!

My mom was extremely paranoid. She thought a man from MCI (phone company) was driving by in his fancy car to show off. That shows her state of mind. It took a full year to take her to court, meanwhile, she was continuing living alone and endangering herself. Had any of us taken her in the endangerment would have spread to ourselves as well.

It's very understandable that you and your sister feel a sense of relief, why would you not?!

My mom thought the same thing about my dad...my dad was very devoted and a wonderful husband. Her mind just continually ran away with itself.

Perhaps with time some of these memories can ease for you and you can remember a kinder softer person and perhaps something good she did for you, perhaps when you were little? It's hard to remember much good when we've been embroiled in so much drama and hard stuff for so long. I know.

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BTW, my mom also had Lewy Bodies Dementia. She was very prone to falling, esp. the last couple of years.

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This year, Mother's Day is stirring up things in me. My mom, whose birthday I shared, passed away January 7, 1999. Her passing was quick. We found out on December 28 that she had cancer that had spread to her brain. She had suffered a stroke 12 years earlier that changed her life and mine forever. I became the parent and caregiver. Over that 12 years, I learned to forgive her for the things she had done in the past. I didn't have a wonderful relationship with my mom growing up; I suffered emotional abuse from her, and my dad really kind of ignored it. I came to understand that Mom learned about being a mom from her mom, who was an emotional abuser...and so forth and so forth. My mom did what she knew. And by learning that and understanding, I was able to forgive. I had 12 years to grieve the loss of my mom, because things changed when she had her stroke. When she did finally pass away, I also experienced the sense of relief. Her suffering was over. Now that I am dealing with grief from losing Mark, I feel so much for my dad; how he must have hurt when Mom died. If I had even known, I would have tried to make it easier somehow for him. I continued to live with him for a few years after her passing. I can remember getting the feeling from him of being lost, which I know COMPLETELY understand. Taking care of her was his whole life. She had her stroke not long after he retired, and that is how he spent his retired years. I stayed with him, and was his social life for about three years after Mom passed. I encouraged him to get out of the house, for us to take a trip here or there. I was always very protective of my dad. But there came a time when I needed to make my own life. I stayed at home and took care of my mom from the time I was 24, until age 36 when she passed. If I hadn't gone, I would have never made my life in Houston, and I would have never met Mark.

Over the years, after Mom passed, I didn't do much Mother's Day celebrating. Most of the commercials and presentations for that day were for the living moms. When I began to really miss her the most, was when I got married and we moved into our home. When it became a HOME, I found that I missed her and dad so very much...especially at holiday times. I found it difficult some years to even think about putting up a tree and making a big deal about Christmas...I felt such a loss and missing of her. Because of how things were with my brother back home, I didn't really have anything that belonged to my mom. Before her stroke she used to crotchet and create things for Christmas. How I longed to have some of those items when I was finally decorating in MY home and I Wanted her to be a part of it. Christmas time really began to become a time of hurt. I would every year. This passed Christmas was right after Mark died, and I was deep in dealing with his passing. His service was held on December 18. I am not allowing myself to think about this coming year. I am just trying to get through Mother's Day. I want to be there for his mom, because I understand how hard it has to be. I have never been a mom, and can't begin to know the loss of a child. But I know that I hurt for her, and her pain has always been a priority with me. Even the day Mark passed, I was worried about her. I didn't think losing a husband would make dealing with Mother's Day so difficult. I guess we just don't know where our triggers will lie.

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Hi Maryann,

My condolences to you on the loss of both your mother and your husband. It is good that you and your mom got along better for those final 12 years. So nice to hear of things working out, at least to some extent.

Throughout my life I had always maintained hope that somehow my own mother would mellow out and that we could eventually have a decent relationship. And there were even some times when it seemed like it was happening. But somehow, she would always revert to the old ways and say something really mean. It was almost as if she could not help herself. And maybe she too had a poor background for parenting - in the sense that instead of being raised by her mother she was raised by her grandmother. I don't think she was abused or anything like that but she was angry at both of her parents for the rest of her life for abandoning her. (Her parents divorced when she and her sister were very young, back in a time when there were not a lot of divorced. Somehow my mother ended up with the grandmother and her sister ended up with their mother in a city far away. I never, ever was given any real explanation as to how that happened.)

Re; the loss of your beloved husband in December. Six months out was probably about when I started to come out of what I now refer to as "the fog". I was just numb for those first six months. I was already 62 and had cut down to working part time, which I continued to do up until the final two months of my husband's 14 month bout with kidney cancer. I had taken a leave of absence and planned to be off for a month after his death. When it came time to make arrangements to go back to work, I just did not have it in me to return to teaching disadvantaged, needy students. I knew what the job entailed and I knew I had depleted my reserves. So I decided to retire and concentrate on family and grandchildren, which has worked out pretty well for me.

I have done some reading on the threads that are on the most prominent pages here but don't know anybody's details at all. So if anyone wants to include any of their details, I'd like to listen.

Regarding my own situation: At first I was unsure if I should even come back here. (I posted here and got a lot of help at the time of my husband's death almost six years ago.) Because my situation is not the usual grief. It is what I guess is called "complex grief". And I think, especially the poor mother/daughter relationship aspect of it, can make people uncomfortable. But it is a very real situation, believe me.

Oh, and I forgot to write to Marty: The book you mentioned, the one written by the two women on their grief, one who was on the verge of divorce when her husband was killed in a car wreck and the other whose husband had been institutionalized for a long term progressive illness - I actually own that book! I had forgotten all about it, so thank you for reminding me of it. I read it - kind of quickly - as part of my "grief reading" 6 years ago. I will get it out and read it once again now.

Best to all,

Deeana

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Wow, I can relate to you two ladies so much! Deeana, your story of your mom sounds exactly like it could have been written by me for it's my story as well. Maryann, I can relate, my mom was also abusive and my dad would just have another drink and ignore it, he never once came to my rescue or tried to protect me, which makes me feel they were BOTH unfit parents. I understand that parents tend to raise children the way they were raised, but that is no excuse. I chose to break that chain and I took parenting classes when my daughter was a toddler, so I could understand what was "being her age" and how to best handle things. That is a large part of it. Sometimes parents come down hard on a child for being childish, when that's exactly where they are in their development! Others, like my mom, take their stresses out on their children.

All of this makes it difficult to form a close relationship with the parent, because we don't trust them (with good reason) and they're difficult to be around and deal with. My mom softened her last year of Dementia, which made it easier to be around her, but unfortunately, most of her memory was gone excepting way back when she was young, and there was much she no longer understood. Still, my siblings and I all felt it was easier to be around her without her brain working than it had been when it was, because before the latter stage of dementia, her paranoia ruled, and her attitudes, reactions, and behavior was nearly always inappropriate and difficult to deal with. And that's putting it mildly.

Deeana, I hope you realize you DO belong here and complicated grief is not that uncommon. I dare say that many of our forum members have had some form of it to some extent or another, although, hopefully, not as severely as you and I have had to deal with.

Maryann, I'm so glad you got to have Mark in your life. Your life has not been easy, yet you have had those years with Mark that have meant so much to you, just as I had my time with George. The Lord must have known we needed something good at some point in our lives!

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Kay,

When I got older and heard the stories Mom would tell others (outside the family) about how badly she wanted a daughter. Her first two children were boys. She even would joke that she had to change husbands to get her daughter. But then, if she wanted me so badly, why did she hurt me so much growing up? I know part of it was her upbringing; but also she had to continue to work as we were growing up. I don't know the entire story of her relationship with my dad. He controlled the money. She worked and her money could be spent how she wanted without having to ask him. He gave her so much for groceries every week. There was stress all the time. Dad had lost his kids in the divorce; his wife ran off on him and married his brother-in-law. Well, he did not try to have a relationship with his kids (I think he got hurt once and just didn't try anymore). So, he resented my mom's boys because she had HER kids and he couldn't have his. There were times Mom would pick at Dad for things unrelated to kids, and I always seemed to side with Dad because Mom's words could hurt really bad.

When Mom had her stroke, she had a lot of anger for a different reason. She lost complete use of her left arm and could barely use her left leg. Mom used to do so much, and suddenly that was gone. We didn't know that what her doctor was doing by having her be at home instead of going to a rehab facility ruined her chances of ever getting back ANY use in that hand/arm. Her told her t hat it could take up to a year to recover, and the day the occupational therapist told her it was not going to happen, it was horrendous. She kind of gave up on anything after that. My biggest battle with her was keeping her from getting so deeply depressed she didn't want to live. One day when it was a cold winter day, she went out on the porch at sat. NO coat...and was crying. I asked her, pleaded with her, demanded that she come inside. Her response was "I just want to DIE". Well, I called my older brother, whom Mom adored and told him what was going on. He came and took her to his house for a visit. Dad and I needed a break.

The night my brother and I took her to the ER, and found out at that time she had spots in her brain, it was the beginning of the end. That night after I had to tell my father his wife had cancer, I cried and grieved. After that night, it was a short 11 days until she passed. For whatever reason, I believe the tumors/spots in her brain were in the right places, because she never showed any signs of being in pain. The day we met with hospice, she was more lucid and I believe she understood what was happening. The night we left the hospital, she was restless and the weather outside was so bad. When we were leaving, she said "I love you" . The next day instead of getting ready for hospice to arrive, we were at the hospital as she died. I felt such a relief that day. It sounds so mean and awful, but it is the only word I can use.

When I shared my story with Mark, he just cried. He felt so terrible that I had it so hard. His life growing up was the "Leave It to Beaver" life. He thought all kids had that life; all his friends did. I always told him that I didn't want him to feel sorry for me. Everything I went through in my life helped shape the person I am I always told him. When I moved away from home in 2002, I finally felt free and was able to find who I really was, beyond the disappointing fat daughter. No one ever saw that I sacrificed 12 years of living my life how I wanted to dedicate myself to her care. When I finally left, I was the deserter. I was sad that I had to leave my dad alone, but I needed to fly. And I had to go far enough away that I wouldn't be drawn back into the caregiver role. I always told Mark, if my mom was still alive, we would have NEVER met.

I don't regret any of my choices. I made peace with my mom, and I mourned her. Then my wings sprouted and I found MY life.

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Perhaps your mom wasn't capable of more because of the damage her mother instilled. There's a big difference between the "times" we were raised in...in my time, self help, coming out of the closet, talking about things, and seeking help from a therapist or counselor was acceptable. In my mom's time you kept everything in the closet and didn't get help.

It is absolutely not mean to feel relief when our loved one dies because it spared them pain/suffering. Along the way we endured a lot as well and there's nothing wrong with wanting spared more of the same. It does not mean we didn't love them, it does not mean we did not want to do more for them. We're human, we need to understand and care for ourselves as well as our loved ones.

I'm glad your mom told you she loved you before she died. My mom told me I was sweet, that meant a lot to me.

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Thank you all. Tonight was the viewing at the funeral home. I did cry when I went up to the casket to see her for the first time. So now I am feeling more "normal" somehow.

She looked nice. The funeral home did a really good job.

Some of her neighbors from the old neighborhood came. And then all the rest were relatives, of course. The funeral is tomorrow morning.

My sister and her daughter came in last night, so that is a great comfort.

One thing I just hated at the funeral home, though. They had her in the very same room and the very same spot as both my father and my husband were in. And my one sister-in-law was in that very spot in that same room two years ago. Her daughter also commented on how tough it was to be standing once again in that same spot.

It is much better when the person is 95 though because they led a very long life. And my mother had no long debilitating illness which is also a blessing.

Maryann and Kay - So sorry each of you had to go through the far less than ideal childhoods also. And yes, it surely influenced my parenting. I made sure my kids always knew they were loved, loved, loved. Unconditionally. No name calling, no sarcasm, no unnecessary criticism. My daughter married a man who unfortunately had a mean mother. (I know her. Long story, but she is a bit of a nut case.) She said it is difficult sometimes to parent with him because of that. Luckily, my first husband (father of my children) was a good father and didn't have those kind of "issues". Not the greatest husband, but he was a good father to the children.

And my second husband was a really good guy who loved my kids and they both respected and were good friends with him. (I was married 25 years to first husband and was with second husband for 17 years, but only married for the last two years.)

Ironically, the judge who married my second husband and I and came with his wife to our wedding dinner afterwards came to the funeral home this evening. He is a friend of the family and that was so nice of him to come.

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Facebook just brought this picture up as a "memory", taken one year ago of my mom at age 92, my last Mother's Day with her.

post-914-0-45432200-1431093349_thumb.jpg

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So yesterday was my mother's funeral. It was a full Roman Catholic mass with a wonderful organist and an outstanding vocalist. My daughter had chosen the songs which include "Amazing Grace" when we first came into the church and "Ave Maria" during the service. The vocalist was really, really impressive. My daughter and my sister's daughter did the readings. The grandsons and older great grandsons were the pall bearers.

At one point during the service the priest was swinging the incense holder around in the air in a circle. Then he walked around the entire casket swinging it both over and under the casket. I do not remember this being done at my father's funeral which was also a Roman Catholic funeral. I also do not remember this being done in such an extensive manner at other Roman Catholic funerals I attended in the past.

It has been years since I have been to a Roman Catholic service. If anyone knows, do they always do this way now?

Today I feel exhausted but at peace with it all.

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Deeana,

I hope the funeral brought you some comfort and closure. I know when we've had a complicated relationship with a parent (a parent that was often difficult), it can take a lot of work to come to peace about it, often with counseling, but sometimes even just having it all over and knowing they are at rest from a life of inner turmoil is enough to help us. I worked on my own pain from my mom for many many years before being able to finally say I've dealt with it and am at peace from it.

My mom named only my brother in her will, and she had five daughters as well. It was kind of like sticking it to us again, but we knew her mental state was never very good and her responses in life were always highly inappropriate, so really, we couldn't expect much else. I can't claim to understand it, but we've all had to accept it. It's not like there was much left after paying for her dementia care facility, but there were the things that meant something to us, like my dad's hand painted portrait, things my dad gave my mom, that signified his love for her, her Bible, heirloom furniture, etc. None of us girls got anything to remember them by.

I googled your question and this is one of the answers I found:

Burning incense is also a sign of reverence and dedication. Incensing the body at a funeral Mass is a sign of reverence for the body that was once the temple of God. In a more solemn liturgy, incensing the Book of Gospels indicates reverence for the word of God and Christ himself who is the Word Incarnate. Incensing the altar shows respect for Christ whom the altar represents and his sacrifice made present upon the altar. Incensing the Easter candle is, again, a sign of reverence for Christ who is the light of the world. Incensing the Blessed Sacrament at Benediction is a sign of adoration and worship given to Christ, truly present upon the altar. It becomes a sign of our prayers rising to heaven.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I just found out my mom had her dog put down (he was middle aged) because she thought the rapture was going to take place and he'd be left without care. At the time she told me he had cancer, so she lied to cover up what she did. This just shows some of the distortion she lived with...and everyone around her. It's one of the reasons I was afraid to take her in to my home and take care of her. Deep down inside I was afraid she'd set fire to my home on purpose or kill my dog, her thinking I was putting too much value on him or my stamping hobby, rather than God. My mom was extremely mentally ill.

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