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To Honor Them


KATPILOT

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I just can't find a word or phrase that works for describing what I feel now after Mother's Day has come , and gone. For the first time in my life, I had nothing to do that day. No flowers, no card, no brunch to plan. But it brought back memories and thoughts of my own mom who I lost thirty five years ago and my step mom of thirty years who left this last January. And then it brought me back to my wife and her mom...........all gone. I truly felt alone facing that day. I thought "screw this!" I needed to do something.

I brought my grandchildren over and we made a cake to surprize their mommy with. All the time I was doing it, I had a certain feeling that Kathy was there with me seeing this all unfold. I knew it would honor her to do what she would have been doing. That was the point you see. I was honoring her doing what would have been happening had she still been alive.

And this my friends is the best ever way to honor them. To carry on if you will. It brings me back to something I read which is now stuck on my fridge. It says:

"I will not fail you my love. I will continue on the path we shared and I know you will be there to help me, as you always were. And when we meet again at the journey's end, and we laugh together once more, I will have a thousand things to tell you"

{ author unknown }

I think I shall honor the rest of them in that same fashion.

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I have no grandchildren (yet) to do such with, and if I did, they'd be too far away. It was a pretty tough day to get through and I, for one, am glad it's over. I'm glad you found a way to focus Mother's Day on.

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  • 5 weeks later...

When I go out tonight with my son for dinner, I will raise a toast. "Happy Birthday George" :D

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Thank you, Stephen, that's sweet of you!

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  • 5 months later...

Sunday is a yearly event that I take part in. It is the "Light Up Your Life" event hosted by Hospice of The Valley in Phoenix. On the jumbotron will come pictures of my dad, my mom, my stepmom, and of course my bride who all left this world in hospice facilities here in Phoenix. This year my sister, my son and his family will join me in celebrating their lives. It is such a powerful event set to music among perhaps as many as two thousand other souls who have lost someone. It is a moving and loving way to honor those we've lost and I am both honored and glad to support it. Of course it's dark so no one sees the tears. I wonder if they will need to water the grass when we've all left. 

Edited by MartyT
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It sounds like it'll be very special.  I hope it's something that greatly feeds your soul.

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What a wonderful moving experience I had last night.  The one thing I noticed was how when watching pictures of all the other people honored, you get such a feeling of sorrow and compassion for those who put up their loved ones. You feel their pain just like your own and somehow the sadness eases among all those other people. It was great to meet you Brad and your wonderful daughter.  I guess we got dragged into that TV interview Huh?  I saw us on the news when I got home and my friend you told it well.

My sister took this picture of me with a very special lady who helped save me years ago when desperation was my life and sorrow had me on my knees. Her name is Joyce and she is one of those special angels that roams this planet.

joyce.JPG

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A special angel indeed, dear Stephen, and a dear and loyal friend. Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful photo of the two of you ~ Warms my heart 

And kudos to you and Brad for availing yourselves of this beautiful ritual of remembrance, sponsored every year by Hospice of the Valley.

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What a beautiful update and how nice to be able to put a face to the name now!

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  • 3 months later...

I have spent a part of this evening talking with my sister celebrating long distance our mom's 23rd birthday. Yes today is leap day and she would have been 92. We laughed about the good times and looked through pictures together from each our own homes and it was a happy time. Our mom died in 1981 from ovarian cancer at the age of 57 and though it seems so long ago, the memories remain.  Time is a funny thing, but it doesn't erase the love or gratitude for allowing us to have the wonderful lives we've had.

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I had planned going out to dinner last night to celebrate Kathy's birthday. I have always gone alone but this year because Easter is this weekend, my sister came up and we went together to one of Kathy's favorite places. We spent the evening talking and remembering the wonderful person she was and still is. Some people still work there who knew Kathy and they sent over a birthday desert cake. I really can't describe the feeling. It was just incredibly perfect. To be able to share memories with others who knew her is so special now. I never thought I would be able to do this. I wanted to share this picture of Kathy's last birthday at her favorite place on the planet. I was wearing the same pants last night but they are a lot tighter now!

I believe birthdays are a big, big way to honor our loved one's. We did so when they were alive so what better honor than to do so now?

birthday in Maui.JPG

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How beautiful!  Thank you for wharing that with us.  You make a beautiful couple!

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  • 1 year later...
On 3/25/2016 at 5:31 AM, KATPILOT said:

I had planned going out to dinner last night to celebrate Kathy's birthday. I have always gone alone but this year because Easter is this weekend, my sister came up and we went together to one of Kathy's favorite places. We spent the evening talking and remembering the wonderful person she was and still is. Some people still work there who knew Kathy and they sent over a birthday desert cake. I really can't describe the feeling. It was just incredibly perfect. To be able to share memories with others who knew her is so special now. I never thought I would be able to do this. I wanted to share this picture of Kathy's last birthday at her favorite place on the planet. I was wearing the same pants last night but they are a lot tighter now!

I believe birthdays are a big, big way to honor our loved one's. We did so when they were alive so what better honor than to do so now?

birthday in Maui.JPG

It seems like such a long time ago and still it hurts. It hurts like it was yesterday. Today Kathy would be 59. Every year after she left I would go out and celebrate her life. Almost always by myself but this year is different. I will go out with Patty my bride and we will celebrate Kathy's life once again. It never leaves me, this sadness. This night is for her and although we would never be able to leave the restaurant so early after our opening some things are more important than the work. As Patty would say "Family comes first".

I think I shall wear the same clothes I am wearing in this picture because I lost 24 pounds since we started building this new Maui Pasta and I can fit into them again. Oh Yay!

What a mix of happy and sad.  Anyone who thinks you get over it just because life goes on and you find new love.......... You don't.

Here is to you sweet girl.  Happy Birthday.

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One thing that I realize is that that picture was taken on Maui just a bit of distance where Patty and Ron were living. How interesting the connection, how our lives are so entwined. 

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Steve, It's poignant, the memories, honoring them.  Amazing when you think how you spent Kathy's last birthday there...so close to where Patty and Ron were.  I found out after I met George that he had once lived a couple of miles from where I did when we were growing up.  He might have seen me riding my bicycle around town!  

I remember your sharing that picture with us, Kathy was beautiful.

So how does one lose 24 pounds when they own an Italian restaurant?  :D  You must have been working your socks off!

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  • 6 months later...

I hope that this woman knows that her message went viral, and is being appreciated in the United States. Love, condolences, and many thanks to the people who shared this bit of humanity. We are better people for sharing this.

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  • 1 year later...

It truly hit home today. Last month was the ninth anniversary of when Kathy left. Seems like a long time but yet it also seems like yesterday and today would have been her 60th birthday. I always went out to dinner to celebrate this wonderful day but now I cannot. As we all know restaurants are closed so that won't be happening. Patty and I will just have to light some candles,  put on Kathy's music and have a toast to my sweet darling girl. I know "It is what it is." but I feel so funky. My own business has pretty much ground to a halt since I can't even get shipments of materials to make frames since it all comes out of California and our suppliers have shut down. As Kathy would always say "It will work out" and I believe that. I can always go to work at Maui Pasta because thankfully we are still busy with take out. A customer came in to pick up a fifty dollar order and gave a two hundred dollar tip for our employees. You just have to love people. Sometimes bad things bring out the best in us. That is something that warms my heart in this very unsettling time.

My thoughts are with all of you for I know how hard it is to deal with this pandemic while we still have grief in our lives. Hold on to each other and remember that love is still the most important thing... in this life AND on the other side. 

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SO good to hear from you, Steve. Our thoughts are with you and Patty as you hunker down and weather this storm. We are so much stronger than we think we are, and together we will get through this latest challenge. You are so right. Love is all that really matters. Blessings to you, and thank you for reminding us of that ❤️

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Steve,

The tip made me cry!  There really are some good people in this world and sometimes the most troubled of times bring them out.

I didn't realize you lost Kathy the day before her birthday, that must have been really hard.  I lost George five days after his birthday, on Father's Day, June is hard hitting for me as March must be for you.  I like Kathy's way of looking at things, that it will all work out.  Hang onto that.  I'm glad Maui Pasta is able to keep busy!

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  • 5 months later...

Today would would be my 23rd anniversary married to Kathy although only fourteen we spent physically together. It also is the 7th anniversary of my dad's death.  Always a strange day as I remember how the day my dad passed in a Hospice home I went out to dinner anyway by myself to be with Kathy for it just didn't make sense to let it fall under more grief when it should be a happy time or in the case of being widowed, at least a reflective one. It was a good dinner at one of her favorite restaurants and now I think how strange that I would be involved in a restaurant myself.  Ever since I met Patty I have gone out to dinner just the same and shared loving stories as we do on her anniversary in November. We talk about their beautiful lives and how much they affected us and so tonight we shall do the same. This time however we will be doing it at home and I already know how Patty is planning a special night of it with munchies and wine and we will light a red candle for Kathy's favorite color. 

What strange days indeed.  You can't even grieve without some kind of restriction. But... you know the grief does soften after many years just like I used to predict and still we will never cease to honor them. I will have tears yes but smiles too and that is the best I can hope for.

Here is to you my love and 

to you Dad   

I know you both read everything I write. You always have.

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Thinking of you and I'm glad you give yourself the gift of reflection on these momentous occasions.  As trying as these times are, they don't interfere with our love and our grief.

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