New Love after Losing my Boyfriend

[Em Maybe]

Hi there. I'm new to this forum but not to the experience of grieving the loss of someone I loved very much. I'd been dating my boyfriend of 4 and a half years when he died while hiking the Appalachian trail. We'd been living together with some roommates but planned to get a place of our own and, very likely, would have gotten married  in the future. He was 28 years old. 

Now I'm 28 and life has been difficult since he passed. Its been 2 years and I've struggled on and off again, mostly with the moving on in another romantic relationship, but also in self identity without him in this "new" life that I have. 

I began dating a man I've known for years but was also very good friends of my late boyfriend. We struggled with the morality of the relationship but have since overcome these issues and have developed a fairly serious relationship. It's been about a year and a half and most of the time I'm happy and feel in love and excited about the future.

I am experiencing occasional lack of libido and some numbness in our relationship. I still have some feelings of guilt but I believe most of these feelings are because I occasionally can't believe the man I loved most in the world and envisioned being my husband and soul mate is now dead. I get very depressed about that idea and feel numb when I think about my current relationship.

My new partner is aware I have these feelings at times and tries to be supportive but it doesn't seem to be getting better. I was wondering if anyone has any experiences similar to this and have any advice. 

I want to move on with my life and I'm deathly afraid I'll never be able to feel what I felt with him, even though I know he would want me to. 

Thanks, Em

[kayc]

I am sorry for your loss and all you have been through.

I doubt it has anything to do with your current BF, but more to do with you still have some grief work to do before you're entirely ready to give all you have to a new relationship.  I don't think this is a morality issue, but more of a needing to deal with one thing before moving on to the other.  That doesn't mean you need to give up your current relationship, but I would definitely schedule an appointment with a good grief counselor that can help you figure things out.  Good luck to you!

[debi.williams]

I honestly can't add any more than KayC has written. I think she is spot on. Good luck x