My companion for life

[jame57]

This evening I had to let my lovely companion cat, Tilly pass over at the vets and I'm heartbroken.

She was a link with my mum who passed away in June 2014 and who's loss I'm still struggling with as well as a link to my father who passed away 14 years ago.

She has been with me through the rough and the smooth, always giving unconditional love and asking nothing in return except for food, water, a comfy bed and lots of love and she certainly got that!

On the thread about losing my mum I'd mentioned that Till was diagnosed with kidney failure back in March of this year.  The vet gave her a maximum of 18 months but she was short-changed with only 7.  We fought all the way through with various types of renal diet, many, many visits to the vet.  Numerous types of drugs and more recently, giving her subcutaneous fluids at home every other day.  Not to mention the trials of getting her to take her pills.

With my anxiety, coming home from work was awful as I always worried whether she had eaten during the day.  

But do you know what?   I'd do it all again in an instant if I had to.  It cost me lots of money but I often went without if she needed food or drugs.  My dear brother paid a large vets bill recently for me and doesn't want it back.  

The problem is it's not really sunk in yet that she's gone and already I'm beginning to blame myself.

This is the first companion animal I've lost since mum and dad passed away and they're not here to offer words of advice.  

My other cat wasn't that close to Tilly but he is already wandering the house looking for her.

I'm having her ashes put into a wooden cat urn and they're going to do a paw print in plaster for me to keep.  At least when I always promised her that we are companions for life we will be as I'll keep both in the display cabinet.  When its my time I'll ask that her ashes are mixed with mine for burial.

I was with her as she went, giving her lots of strokes and kisses and telling her I love her.  It was so hard but there's no way I wouldn't want to be the last thing she saw or heard.  I've lost cats before but she was something extra special.  If you like I'll post a small photo but it's not something I can cope with tonight. 

Rest in peace now with mum and dad xxxx

[Marj37]

Hi James-- really so sorry you had to let your beautiful  Tilly go.  .  What a wonderful companion she was for you.   And such a lovely life you've had together.     I am glad to read you were with her through the end.  I was with my Gb and i wouldn't trade those minutes for anything even tho I cry as I write you.   

We in this group know about losses like this and love to hear your memories of Tilly.  And anything  you have to say.  There are no right or wrong words, no right or wrong emotions.  It is wrenching and unlike anything else especially when we have formed a special heart-full bond with a kitty.

And make sure the other kitty gets lots of attention.  Think of the hours they spent together in your home even if they were not good buddies they were companions for each other.   Now she/he is alone and that is very difficult.  

Make sure to post a picture and tell us your stories.  

 

 

[kayc]

Oh James, I am so sorry!  I know how painful this must be to you, because my animals mean everything to me and I dread the day...

Your cat being someone that was in your mom's life as well, makes it doubly hard.  Your parents may not be able to utter words of comfort to you but I'm sure their hearts are feeling for you all the same, even as ours are.

[hollowheart]

I love the idea of mixing her ashes with yours someday. I wish I had taken a paw print of my beloved Tracy. Pets are with us for so many years that it's like you always expect them to be there, just like human family. Our beloved Tracy was with us 21 years. I still miss her fat white self curled up along the hallway wall. I know that animals have personalities just like we do and they are almost like another person to us, so the loss is just as great in my opinion.

I believe that Tilly is bouncing back and forth from Rainbow Bridge and Heaven to see your mom and dad, but back to the Bridge to enjoy some catnip with other 4 legged friends she has made. Don't post a picture until you are ready as pushing yourself can be to much. I couldn't even say my Tracy's name without crying for a long time. We don't realize how devastating looking at a picture can be until that loved one is gone. Take your time and we are here if you need to vent.

[kayc]

HH,

I'm sorry for you too...21 years is a long time...my Kitty is 20 and my King George lived to 19.  It's where we can't imagine them not being in our lives.

[hollowheart]

Kayc, thank you. It's true that we still often think of our pets like we do family, remembering them with sadness and happiness. She passed probably almost 10 years ago and we still bring her up every now and then. I just wish I had more pictures. This was before the iphone, lol.

[kayc]

My King George passed over nine years ago, it seems like yesterday, I still miss him.  We never get over them.

[jame57]

Thank you so much for your lovely messages.  I count myself so lucky that she came into my life 14 years ago from a rescue centre after being found under parked cars beside a busy main road.  She was 3 then and had been mistreated at some stage as she was very timid and wary of people.  She soon settled in and was treated like royalty.  She was with me through good times and bad, always happy to see me when I came home from work.  Apparently she knew the sound of my car pulling onto the gravel drive and would run through the house to greet me.  That's how I'll remember my little angel, my companion for life.❤

 

[kayc]

[jame57]

Here is a picture of Tilly taken a couple of years ago. One week ago and it still doesn't seem real that she's passed away.   I love her so much, this is awful.

[kayc]

She's beautiful, what  beautiful eyes!  I lost my King George over nine years ago and Chappy a year later and I STILL miss them.  I think it's something we just have to learn to live with, just like I have to live with the loss of my sweet husband.  We never stop missing them but we still go on.  It helps to honor them in some way. Not all of my pets are buried in my backyard, one of my dogs was too big and the ground too frozen so we donated his body to science, and I still feel bad that he's not buried here, but at least we gave his life/death meaning if it helps someone else.  One of my cats that I had for 14 years went off and died somewhere in her old age, so I didn't get the luxury of burying her.  Another was eaten by a cougar and there was nothing to bury, he didn't even leave her bones here.  It is very hard to get closure when something like this happens.  All I can do is keep them alive and treasured in my memory and know I'll be with them again, in a place where they won't die and are happy and free.

[jame57]

Bless you Kayc.  She was so beautiful and so nice natured.  Losing her after losing mum is so cruel but I know she's with mum now and getting plenty of tlc.

I look forward to the day we're all reunited but like to think she's still with me in spirit.  

It's so awful to read of your losses and my heart goes out to you.  You're an inspiration how you cope with so many losses.

 

[kayc]

James,

Your story reminded me of losing my Chappy.  A couple of months after my husband died, his cat Tigger took one long look at me and left, never to be seen again.  It was as if he was memorizing me before he deliberately set out on his quest to find a new home.  It kind of hurt, but I understood.  It was as if he'd waited around for two months for George to come back and when he didn't, he set off on his own.  I hope he found another owner better suited to his liking.  But I wanted another cat, even though I still had King George.  I heard about Chappy through a friend.  I adopted him and he was the most loving cat I've ever had.  He used to sleep with his arms around my neck and his head tucked in under my chin, he'd lay on my chest.  It was as if God had given him to me to help me through the loss of my husband.  Alas, two years later he was eaten by the cougar...ironically, his previous owner had given him up because of this very fear, they had cougar on their property.  I'd never seen one on my property before that fateful night and I will never forget hearing his hiss at me.  It was the next morning I realized Chappy and a neighbor's cat were both gone and I knew what had happened to him.  I wish so much I'd made him stay inside!

Your comment about her being with you in spirit is spot on.  You see, when we leave these bodies we exist in energy and spirit form and we are not confined the way we were in our physical forms.  We're able to be here, then there.  So while they wait at the Rainbow Bridge, we can also rest assured they are with us in spirit.  That's what comforts me about losing my husband, George.

[jame57]

This morning I had a look around the garden before leaving for work.  In the greenhouse I was amazed to find a fox curled up fast asleep in an upturned box.  It woke up but didn't run.  Being an animal lover I left a bowl of cat food for it and left for work.  On returning home I went to have a look and it had eaten the food and was led across the floor.  I got closer and was upset to see it had just died.  Yes I'm upset of course but at least it went peacefully and having had a last meal.  It just brings home that death is all around us and I find that hard.  I must be too soft.

[kayc]

I'm so sorry, James, that's very upsetting, but I'm glad you gave him his last meal.  That kindness meant a lot to him.

[Marj37]

Hi James----thanks for the picture of Tilly.  She was gorgeous in addition to being your loyal companion through thick and thin.

And how wonderful you supplied the fox with a last meal - it must have known a trusting place to spend it's last moments in life.

I know missing Tilly is hard.......I daily miss my Gb who has been gone since May 26,  His brother and the teenage kittens adopted end of August  are wonderful to have with me. Nontheless, there is an emptiness which I try to fill with memories.  Christmas season is being hard - most everything seems to trigger tears.

Take care, James

[jame57]

Thank you.  Christmas just makes me sad too and this will be the second one without mum and now Tilly's gone too.

I've got her ashes back in a wooden urn in the shape of a sleeping cat.  The vets did a lovely paw print in plaster and put it in a frame for me.  She's free from pain and discomfort and with mum and dad now.  Bless her.