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Daughter lost without mom


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Thank you amw25,

after my mom died I was not able to be in our old house as everything I see or do was reminding me that she's dead and will never be with me.. At times when I go deep I cannot even breathe, it starts paining physically. We shifted to new house (the house in which we were planning to settle down with my mom in December). 

Now my mind is playing tricks.. No matter how hard I try to make my self realize that she is no more, deep inside I'm thinking that she is in our old house and I'll meet her when I'll go there. I always have that anxiety type feeling of having to go there but whenever I went there I cannot stop crying. 

I don't know if you understand this as I'm not so good in putting my feelings in words but this is what I feel.

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It's common to feel this way, kind of a denial as it's hard to sink in all at once.  It takes a while to fully process it, you think when the phone rings it might be them, or hear the door open, it might be them coming in.

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I always send messages on my mom's phone.. 
And put her phone near me. Yesterday when I was typing something and just sent it, my brother was there and he thought I was casually sending messages so he replied with a 'hii'.. 
For a moment I thought my mom replied me. In just one second I had every emotions swirling around me. Then I suddenly looked at my mom's phone and realized it was him. I started crying.. My brother still apologize for this.

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I can only imagine the thought of having a message from the phone. I think the way I'm dealing with it is to think she's still there at home. (I didn't live with her) I think one day a sign will come and she will let me know she's still around me. I know it sound's strange but that's what I like to think x

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No its not strange, it's okay. From the day she died I constantly felt her presence around me and it's so strong and comforting, I cannot explain it to someone but I know it's her.
I saw two dreams about 
 her (I mentioned them in special days forum). I still look for sings and when I feel something I believe it's her.

I'll pray for you, hope you'll soon receive sings from your mother.

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February 1st will mark one year without my wonderful Mom.  I still find it hard to wrap my mind about the fact that she is gone. We'd lost my big brother the July prior, and my eldest sister 5 years before that, Dad's been gone for almost 20 years......and there are times I feel "jealous" that they all get to be with her now, and I don't!!!  Further compounding the grief....my best friend/soulmate/husband died unexpectedly October 21st.  He was my rock when brother and Mom died....and losing him has shattered me. One of my first thoughts when he died was......."I want my Mom!"  She, like many mums, was the one I went to with life's problems, both for her wisdom and her love....I know that she would've been such a source of caring and comfort, as she always was for all of her children.  I'm not a young woman.....and I know I was very blessed to have had my Mom for so many years....but I don't think we ever "outgrow" our need for our mothers. I'm like so many....just slogging through my life right now.....trying desperately to find some meaning and comfort.....when it seems rather impossible that I will ever have the joy of life that I used to!

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Wolfskat,

You went through loss after loss.. I can only imaging how hard it would have been. 
When such thing happens it seems like life is playing game to see how long can we survive. 
When we don't have anyone to turn to, that's when we are ready to give up.. Life tricks you in such a way that you cannot live or cannot died.
You just have to continue..

I saw this picture (below) once when my mom was alive.. I didn't noticed it much or didn't even understood it deeply but know I clearly understand the picture and seems like I am pretty much doing the same.

tumblr_ngcjq8jMOf1u5q1g3o1_500.jpg

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That's exactly how I feel, mom's angel. It's also like I'm in a play and the main character is not there anymore and all the rest of us need to figure it out what we should do now.

I want to ask if you're having the same trouble as I'm. I of course love my father, but I feel sometimes uncomfortable being extra nice to him, as if I'm cheating on my mom. I feel that I should do the same for both. I also feel that our dynamic has changed and sometimes I feel uncomfortable for no reason. And then I feel guilty because he's super sweet man. I guess its just how I'm... my mom always said that I feel guilty for whatever reason.

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Yes, I feel the same. My mom is the main center of my family. She is the heart of my family.
When she died the heart stopped beating, we still don't know where are we heading.. It's like we are living for each other.
There are certain things that comes attached with grief.. Guilt is one of them.
I don't know why you feel guilty but its OK to love our surviving parent more as they have lost their significant other and they are under much pressure and grief and they cannot even break down as they have to support their children. 
Your mom will also be happy if you take care of her husband In absence of her.
My mom always told me that if something happens to her, I should take the best care of my father (I never liked it when my mom discussed something about her death but now I'm glad that she did so as I at least have an idea about what she wanted).

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  • 4 weeks later...

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