BethLD Posted January 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 Kayc, my heart breaks for you, that's awful. With the memory box I was thinking things such as passport, birth certificate, favourite film, favourite song, key rings, photographs etc. X 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deb1 Posted January 26, 2016 Report Share Posted January 26, 2016 Hi girls, First of all, thank you very much for your wishes…I hope I can be strong enough that day. How are you all coping? Kayc, it’s so troubling that you couldn’t choose what to do with you mom’s ashes. I hope your feelings will be lighter about it at some point. Hugs to you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted January 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2016 Hello girls, ive missed you guys. I'm ok thank you, I'm still not sleeping great and I am experiencing nightmares. However I'm still getting up each morning and trying to remain strong. I've never really been one to depend on friends etc but I'm learning to accept a little support during this heartbreaking time. As deb1 said, hugs to all and I'm always here to support a friend in need. X 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom's angel Posted January 26, 2016 Report Share Posted January 26, 2016 Hii, hope you all doing OK. Its the same, the way it was a month before.It's been 2months and7days. Yesterday I was not feeling well, headache and cold, that made me miss mom more. There are certain things that makes us miss her more, whenever I see girls with their mothers I miss my mom more. At least, at least they deserved to see our weddings.? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 26, 2016 Report Share Posted January 26, 2016 Maybe they will, I only hope so. Just as I hope my mom can see her great granddaughter that was born less than a year after she died. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted January 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2016 Hi guys, I wondering if any one has experienced anything similar. Im almost 30, still living in the family home . No partner or children. I live with my older brother and previously also my mother. In the first few weeks I was experiencing strong bouts of anxiety and loneliness, these feelings have gradually calmed down but this past week they have returned - I'm not sleeping well and I'm having regular nightmares too. I'm almost embarrassed to say this but I'm feeling scared of sleeping alone also. Does anyone have any advice please? Beth x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deb1 Posted January 27, 2016 Report Share Posted January 27, 2016 Mom's angel, I really think we'll never be the same. I've seen this thing the other day and think it's true... Beth, I'm sorry for your nightmares. I had 2 of them as well. Even having a boyfriend I feel lonely, but it's mostly because I feel nobody really understands what I feel as an adult daughter of a young mother. But them I "met" you and at least I know you can understand. My family and boyfriend are all very sweet and supportive, but it's a feeling completely different...but that's how I feel. Is it something similar to you? Are you already back to work (sorry, my memory is terrible) or have something to keep you mind (sort of) busy? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted January 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2016 Hiya deb1, Yes I totally understand and I am so thankful that you shared the link to this forum with me. I'm due to start a new job shortly, until then I'm seeing friends and family as much as possible, but it's not the same. I can who heartedly accept that my mother is gone but that doesn't ease the pain. It almost feels like I'm a frightened young girl rather than a grown woman. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaughterOfAnAmazingMom Posted January 27, 2016 Report Share Posted January 27, 2016 Beth, I'm also 29 and also lost my mom shortly before Christmas. Though she had breast cancer, it was sudden. She went from reasonably healthy and waiting for her next chemo to dead in about ten days. We had just been told she had four to eight months left. I'm not handling it very well, either. Though I had lived on my own for some time, I did live with my parents for several years after college, and when I got an apartment, it was right around the corner. I saw Mom ALL THE TIME. She was my best buddy. I wouldn't say I have good days, just not as God-awful days. Usually it's when I get distracted. The idea that I never get to see Mom again, the thoughts of how she was when she was taken to the hospital, and how she was doing while at the hospital actually cause me physical pain. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone! I'm glad to know I'm not, either. Thank God for message boards, eh? Sending you an e-hug. <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted January 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2016 Thank you, I'm now at the stage where I can go out, see friends etc but the pain is always there niggling away. My worst times are when I first wake up and last thing at night. I'm so sorry for your loss, I agree I would be lost without this forum now, I just wish we all lived closer together. Even though I know that I will never see my mother again, not physically, I too feel physical pain when I allow myself to think of that too. However many more years I live on this earth will forever seem too many for me now, I feel like I'm lost my purpose. I genuinely don't know where the strength to carry on comes from when you lose a loved one, but I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. Love and hugs to all x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deb1 Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 Hi Daughterofanamazingmom. I'm sorry for your loss. I wouldn't say that I have good days either, but as Beth says, some days you're distracted. Is good though to see more members of this group that can cope better...maybe one day we'll be there. I actually feel bad when I have an 'alright' day for if it was the opposite, if I was gone and my mama was still here, I know she wouldn't be eating or leaving bed. But my brother always tell me that, yes, maybe she would, be I cannot even imagining her feeling sad because you're not like that. So there it is...most moms are really like angels with a love without comparison. Just out of curiosity girls...do you feel short of breath whenever you think of your mom? I've read in some places that it's a normal physical reaction, I just an curious if it really is. The first couple of weeks I felt like I've been in a fight and my whole body was sore...now I only have this breath thing... And Beth, I forgot to give you congratulations on your new job. I hope you'll like it and have nice co-workers! Love, Deb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted January 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 Hello girls, Hope you're well. I shall reply properly later on. I just wanted to share this quote with you. Yesterday wasn't the best of days for me and then I stumbled across the pic below. Obviously not meant in a spoilt, obnoxious way but rather as a reminder that we are all strong, independent women. Beth xx 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom's angel Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 3 hours ago, deb1 said: I actually feel bad when I have an 'alright' day for if it was the opposite, if I was gone and my mama was still here, I know she wouldn't be eating or leaving bed. My mom would have died, I know for sure she would have died of grief and I'm here living after her death, she would have quited eating and going out. I thought I will soon die of a broken heart but nothing of that sort happened. I still feel the pain and heaviness in my chest when I go deep deep inside, I cannot breathe, they become very short leaving me feeling suffocated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted January 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 Hello again girls, I'm still having my fair share of bad days and I don't want to get out of bed etc. The bad days still outweigh the good and I can definitely relate to feeling physical pain when thinking of my mother. I'm finding the nights difficult and am still longing for the comfort of having somebody lying next to me. Just to have the security of falling asleep in someone's arms. I'm still often feeling like a lost little girl for the most part who longs for her mother, I'm not sure that feeling will ever go to be honest. thank you for the congratulations on the job too. How is everyone? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 29, 2016 Report Share Posted January 29, 2016 Congrats on the job! I'm sorry you all are having such hard days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted January 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 29, 2016 Kayc, thank you. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted February 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Hello, How is everyone? I'm approaching the tenth week without my mother and I'm feeling worse than ever. My crying episodes seem near enough constant and I'm struggling in all honesty. I just miss her so much, I'm doubtful that I will ever find peace or a reason for living ever again. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 6, 2016 Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 I hope you do. I know a husband is a different relationship than a mother, but it can be very, very close too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted February 6, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 Kayc, Thank you, any loss is significant regardless of the relationship. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I just feel robbed of extra time etc. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 6, 2016 Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 You feel robbed because you were. My mom lived to be 92, with dementia. I'm sure it's hard for you seeing people get so long with their moms while yours was torn away so young...the same way I feel losing my husband of 3 years 8 months, while others got theirs for 50 years. I just hope someday you get to experience a wonderful loving relationship with a husband so you don't feel so alone your whole life. It's not the same as with a mom, but mine was wonderful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted February 6, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 Kayc, its strange I never really wanted to settle down, suddenly I'm desperate to share my life with someone and just be able to fall asleep next to someone. I've been experiencing bouts of loneliness again and the need to be around people. The nights and first thing in the morning are the worst times for me. When I wake up the nightmare starts all over again. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom's angel Posted February 6, 2016 Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 Beth, I also feel robbed off. I hate how every thing is changed. I wish she was with me, I don't understand why this happened?! Her struggle in her final days, her pain, the picture of the time when I saw her dead are all haunting me. May be you're feeling like that (about settling down) because you just lost your mom, who cared about you, loved you(she still do, all mothers do, even after death) and now it's all gone and you want that feeling, emotions back. I feel different, I don't want to settle down right now, I like spending time on my own. I feel like the other will not understand me, they will never know about my mom, what a beautiful person she is, how much she loved me. I feel like no one will ever be able to understand the bond my mom and I shared, the pain I am in, the emptiness I feel without my best friend, my mom. We were different, only we both knew what we were and now the other part of me is lost. All the secrets I shared with her are gone forever, I don't think I will ever be able to open up and share my feelings to someone else as much as I was comfortable with my mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 6, 2016 Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 Beth, Just don't be in a hurry to find someone so you can replace those feelings, take your time. I've seen that happen and it doesn't always work out well. Once you've adjusted to her death and living without her, then you'll be in a more ready spot for something, but I sincerely hope for you the love that my husband and I shared. Nothing could top it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethLD Posted February 7, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 Thank you both, Kayc, it sounds like you had a wonderful husband. At the minute I'm struggling with a constant knot in my stomach feeling that doesn't go away, did anyone else experience this? Family and friends tell me that I am still raw at the minute and in time the pain will lessen but I'm doubtful. Hope everyone is ok x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deb1 Posted February 7, 2016 Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 Hi Beth, I was thinking about you For a bit over a month I had back pain everyday and couldn't have it straight...now it's only the breathing every time I think about her death. Like I need a big gulp of air. And for me is almost 5 months, so I'm not surprised you feel like that... :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now