Rivka Posted January 23, 2016 Report Share Posted January 23, 2016 I lost my son 7 years ago after a struggle with addiction..before he died he sent me a text telling me how much he loved me and what a good mom i was ...this was like a gift to me because he died a month later .... I was busy after his death taking care of all my other children and making sure they were all ok .i have 7 others ....so now everyone seems to b ok and I am left still feeling so sad ....I have a rich full life but I am scared that this sadness won't go away . I'm learning not to run from the feelings and to just feel them but that's hard for me to do ... With all the other issues that come from regular living this feels like too much to handle .. I have had many dreams about him and I know his soul is here it's just so sad some days that I feel like I want to die along with him ..I hope this struggle will ease and I won't have to live with this always ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 23, 2016 Report Share Posted January 23, 2016 Rivka, I am so sorry you lost your son, that has to be the hardest sorrow one can face. I hope you will seek a grief counselor to help you, it's too much for one to make their way through all by themselves. When we don't take the time for the loss right away, it's still there waiting for us later on, as you're finding out. It is good to allow yourself to feel the loss, remember it's okay to cry, no matter how many years go by. I hope you were able to save his text to you, for that is indeed a precious gift. I think we always feel the loss but we can learn to coexist with it. There'll be time enough to be with him someday when your work is done here, but no matter how old they get, your other kids do still need you here. I like to think they're still present with us, only in spirit instead of physical. Sure wish our worlds could interact more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted January 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2016 Thank you so much for your reply Kay c We are buried under 2 feet of snow now .... I have done lots of counseling already ...I just have my days of feeling so sad ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 23, 2016 Report Share Posted January 23, 2016 My dear Rivka, I too am so sorry to learn of the death of your precious son. I don't know what, if any, support you've found in the seven years since this happened, but as a mother with seven (!) other children, I can only imagine how much time you had (read: didn't have!) for YOU. Are you familiar with The Compassionate Friends? Or with the Open to Hope organization? Both of these outstanding foundations offer information and support specifically aimed at parents whose children have died from the disease of addiction. (As an example, you might take a half-hour to watch this episode from Open to Hope: HELPING FAMILIES DEAL WITH DRUG AND ALCOHOL OVERDOSE.) There are so many aspects that make this particular kind of loss especially difficult for a family (especially for a mother, who so often feels responsible for the death), and I hope you will take advantage of some of the many resources available to you. See, for example, When A Child Dies from a Substance Related Cause. In any event, we are pleased that you've found your way here, to this warm and caring group, and I know you will feel safe and welcome here. Stay warm, and know that we are thinking of you and all the others in your region until this awful storm abates. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted January 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2016 Thank u Mary T I just started going to compassionate friends and I go to Alanon meetings weekly I wish there were more local meetings for comp friends It is helping me to share and i very much appreciate your reply !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted January 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2016 Thank you I watched the video ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 24, 2016 Report Share Posted January 24, 2016 I'm so glad you watched the video, Rivka. This is the Facebook Page that was mentioned: TCF - Loss to Substance Related Causes From the page's Description:We are sorry you need to be here yet glad you found us. Please read the brief description to ensure this is the best place for your tender heart. Then read about PRIVACY settings to insure we can reach you on Facebook.We are a peer-to-peer, all volunteer CLOSED page sponsored by The Compassionate Friends. We are bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. We are not professional counselors. We adhere to the principles of TCF. Seewww.compassionatefriends.org for additional information.When a loved one dies from any substance related cause, grief can be complicated by societal stigma and ignorance. Together we support each other, better understand our grief, and learn coping skills when faced with inappropriate comments from others. Together, we remember our loved ones for the love, joy and memories held for them and grow into the world as we learn to live with our loved ones in a new way. They no longer walk this earth but they are an integral part of who we are forever more. To join, submit a request. Typically the same day a moderator will send you a private FB message. We ask only that you share the relationship and cause of death of your loved one i.e.” I lost my child to overdose/huffing/related disease, etc.” Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.Please reply to the message within (3) days. PLEASE be sure to check for "message requests" and select “accept” rather than “ignore”. If you don't receive a message under your message banner you can go here to check:https://www.facebook.com/messages/pending/ If we don't hear back in a reasonable time, your request may be removed. No one is added to the group without this initial contact.Please note you must use your own Facebook page to join. Using a relative or friend’s page is not allowable. As a Closed group, it is important that every member is clear who they are communicating with. We value your privacy.Everyone has a place here. Your support, mutual respect and kindness make this group work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 24, 2016 Report Share Posted January 24, 2016 I'm glad you're going to compassionate friends and Al-anon. My kids have alcoholism on both sides of their family, about 50%. My dad, MIL, 3 sisters, 2 BILs, thankfully it's improved as they've quit, but the struggles were hard. My husband and I were teetotalers because we were afraid the kids could have the alcoholic gene and we didn't want to contribute. Fortunately my daughter doesn't have it and my son has elected not to ever take a drink and find out. My heart goes out to anyone battling substance abuse, it's a hard battle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted January 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2016 Mary T I have requested to join that fcbk page and never heard back Twice can u help ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 24, 2016 Report Share Posted January 24, 2016 16 hours ago, MartyT said: To join, submit a request. Typically the same day a moderator will send you a private FB message. We ask only that you share the relationship and cause of death of your loved one i.e.” I lost my child to overdose/huffing/related disease, etc.” Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.Please reply to the message within (3) days. PLEASE be sure to check for "message requests" and select “accept” rather than “ignore”. If you don't receive a message under your message banner you can go here to check:https://www.facebook.com/messages/pending/ If we don't hear back in a reasonable time, your request may be removed. No one is added to the group without this initial contact.Please note you must use your own Facebook page to join. Using a relative or friend’s page is not allowable. As a Closed group, it is important that every member is clear who they are communicating with. We value your privacy I'm so sorry, Rivka ~ All I know is what I read on the Facebook page itself. If you're sure that you followed the above instructions closely, then all I can think of is that this is the weekend, and maybe a moderator hasn't yet read your request to join. I suggest that you send a message to one or more of the 7 people listed as "Admins" on the TCF - Loss to Substance Related Causes. If you click on any one of those names, you'll go to the person's own FB page. At the top of each person's FB page is a "Message" button. Click on that link to send a message. Please let me know if this still does not work for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted January 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2016 Mary T I just saw the message in a filtered request section so I sent back accept I think from tcf substance abuse page How do I know what's going on with it ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 24, 2016 Report Share Posted January 24, 2016 Okay, good. I would suggest that you go onto the Facebook page to see if it indicates that you are now a member. Let me know . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted January 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2016 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 25, 2016 Report Share Posted January 25, 2016 Thank you, Rivka, for sharing these precious pictures of your beautiful boy ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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