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Is it wrong to not even want to be bothered with therapy half the time? I'm far from being "cured" but there are times that I don't even want to be bothered, that I don't feel like I need it. I have to go today and would really rather go home. Sadly, I have to cancel 24 hours ahead and not just that, but I can't just keep cancelling anyway, she'd probably drop me. But some days I'm like "ugh, I gotta go to therapy."  Granted, it does always end up OK afterwards, but sometimes I feel like I dredge up stuff just to have something to say and it gets me down and into a sad, crying state when I wasn't feeling that way at all. And I feel like I'm creating my own drama when I was actually doing OK.

I feel like if I go in and say "I'm feeling fine today" then what would we talk about if I"m not wailing and being all distraught and confused?

I know I'm avoiding a lot of triggers so as not to upset myself. I'm sure she would want to dig and find that out and I feel like when I'm feeling OK I want to stay that way. I know therapy is to work out things, dig up that stuff I'm avoiding and deal with it, but I just don't. At least not right now. Sometimes I want to talk about it, and that is the time.  I'm still avoiding my sisters apartment and I can't look at her pictures, but heck, this is hard! I'm trying.

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Of course it's going to be uncomfortable going to therapy, it's like going to a doctor for him to rip a wound open!  Sometimes we have to just persevere through what we must do in order to bring about any healing though.  Do you have the right grief counselor for you?  There's a difference between having a therapist and a grief counselor, if it this for grief, it necessitates a licensed grief counselor.

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Thanks Kay, I just needed to complain for a minute, lol. She is a grief counselor, and to be honest, the session was good and went by fast. So it was to short, despite me not wanting to go.

I just think sometimes I'm tired and just to go home and crawl into bed so I grumble about going, even though it is it good for me. I'm glad I have been going, it's helping. I dont think I would have made it without someone to talk to about this. It was just to much for me to deal with.

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Well they say the sign of courage is not the absence of fear but facing it head on and proceeding anyway and I think that applies here.  Sometimes I want to stay under the covers too but since I can't sleep anyway, I might as well get up! :)

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