Shock and Awe after 1 year

[kayc]

George, thinking of you as these dates approach...my month is "June" my dad's birthday (my parents married on his birthday also), on the 10th, George's birthday on the 14th, George's death day on the 19th, which was also Father's Day that year.  It seems so many of us have a month that's hard to get through.

Butch has his hands full, he's taking care of Gracie full time as Katie and Allen have their hands full with Noah and have Caleb back now.  He hasn't had the time to properly grieve Mary, he's been hit with something major constantly since her death.  At least Gracie finally cut her teeth in so she isn't hurting so much and cranky!

[iPraiseHim]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

George, thinking of you as these dates approach...my month is "June" my dad's birthday (my parents married on his birthday also), on the 10th, George's birthday on the 14th, George's death day on the 19th, which was also Father's Day that year.  It seems so many of us have a month that's hard to get through.

Butch has his hands full, he's taking care of Gracie full time as Katie and Allen have their hands full with Noah and have Caleb back now.  He hasn't had the time to properly grieve Mary, he's been hit with something major constantly since her death.  At least Gracie finally cut her teeth in so she isn't hurting so much and cranky!

May is a challenge too because of so many remembrances, birthday's,etc..  I'll face it when it comes.

I am praying for Butch right along.  He has so much happen since his wife, Mary, passed.  Please let him know that many people lift him up in prayer daily.

I miss KATPILOT.  I know why he needed to leave for awhile but I still miss him.  I don't hear much from Mitch either. I pray he is hanging in there. 

My passion for flying is still alive and growing.  If anyone would have told me about the possibility of Joy and Happiness after the death of Rose Anne I would not have been ready to hear or accept it. 

Yes, my Grief has changed from the all-consuming, languishing, "I can hardly breathe" to this current phase.

I am discovering that we have FREEDOM to chose or to squash a dream/passion.  It would be very easy to shut this dream down by just telling myself, I'm too old, can't afford it, etc... but then If I never follow my passion then I will never know I can do it.

After three weeks, the Passion to fly an airplane is still alive.

Shalom

[Margm]

I didn't mention KATPILOT, I am just so used to Steve being around.  I hope things are okay for him.  Was he going to travel?  I have read Mitch and Brad recently, I think.  Possibly I worry about the young woman in Europe who had a teenager for a son.  I think they were in Brussels.  Debbi, I think her name was.  I hope she and her son are safe.  We had some from South Africa for awhile.  

Butch, taking care of that granddaughter does not leave much time to grieve and the rest of his family, they have all had such a hard time with that family losing grandparents so soon together and the injury and also the loss of babies.  So much grief.  

George, I hope your plan for flying comes to fruition.  I'm glad you have that to look forward to.  

[iPraiseHim]

PASSION

What a great word.  I have a passion for learning, helping others, Computers, my beloved wife, Rose Anne. When I met her I pursued her every day we were together.  When she died my passion for life died.  I've been existing... going through the motions trying to figure a direction in my life.  Before it was US now what?

Before that chance meeting with KATPILOT three weeks ago, I didn't know what I know now.  Yes, the Grief is still here.  It didn't go away. Instead Passion and Grief co-exist.  You could not have told me or convinced me of this before.  

With this rekindled passion for flying, I am make different decisions and motivations.  I know I need to lose weight,,, duh!!.  But no motivation.  Now I ask my self do I want ________ (Fried chicken, Cheese it, cheese curls,etc...) or do I want to FLY?

So far FLYING wins.  Except on FEB 1st .  MY emotions were all over the place and I just didn't care.... Upon examination, I remembered that my brother died that day 8 years ago.  I just felt bad and didn't know why then.  So this too shall pass.  

About Flying.. It is a lofty dream (get it?) but it is attainable.  If I wanted to be an astronaut and go to the moon , well that doesn't seem possible given that there are no flights to the moon currently.So..

I am studying Ground flight school, airplanes, aerodynamics, weather, clouds, physics, how to fly, videos, etc...

I purchased a flight simulator program that mimics flying the small private planes and find I can crash them quite easily with just using the mouse and keyboard controls. I thought maybe I shouldn't even try this if I can't fly this simulator.  I discovered P-factor or propeller torque that affects the steering of the plane.

I found there is no book for Dummies about flying because dummies can not flight an airplane. There is no book for dummies for heart or brain surgery either but I digress.

So I made an investment and bought a plane... or rather the flight simulator controls, Yoke, foot pedal system, and 3 Lever quadrant module.  Through study and practice I can take off, turn, climb and dive without losing control of the airplane.  I have not been successful landing yet.  They said that is the toughest to learn. 

I don't know how i am going to pay for the lessons yet but if God has stirred up my passion for this then He will make a way to follow my dream.  I can see it and taste it.

When I get my private pilot license I will make plans to fly out and visit anyone who wants a visit. "God will make a way when there seems to be no way!"  My hope is back.  - Shalom

[MartyT]

I am so happy for you, George!  ♥

[Margm]

In reading your note George, it reminds me of a poem I once heard that sort of plays with your mind.  The first time I heard it was as a child, but the way it was spoke was in a tone that the last stanza spoke to me, just as the man quoting it did.

High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air… .

Up, up the long, delirious burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or ever eagle flew — 
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

— John Gillespie Magee, Jr

ADDENDUM: I've got to put where I heard this poem.  Most of you are too young to remember TV's signing off at midnight or about 10:00 or 11:00 p.m.  In my backwoods country we only had one TV station, then we got two more and eventually Fox.  But before one of them would sign off at night they would recite this poem with airplanes flying in the distance.  Also, as a sad matter, the writer I think was only 19 when he passed away.  It would haunt me at night though (and I didn't know who wrote it).  Had other things on my mind and did not have Google then.  (Mostly I am just happy I remembered something from that long ago, I was in high school).  It is immediate memory I have problems with.

 

[iPraiseHim]

WOW. Beautiful! Thanks Marg M 

[iPraiseHim]

Good NEWS! - I was able to safely land my simulator plane on the runway without crashing the plane for the first time this afternoon. 

Not so good news -

I was attempting to download aircraft and local scenery to practice at my local airports but everything kept crashing. They said I need to upgrade my Graphics card with increased memory. . I did that but it didn't help.  They wanted to charge another $40 to get it on DVD but I resisted. 

I found out I was scammed by a slick marketer who repackaged a free downloadable program, stamped their name to it and charged a lot of money.  Too bad I didn't find out about it until after I purchased it.  No refund policy they say.  I will fight it  though through Click2bank and my Bank visa system.  It is unscrupulous. There is one other program available. The Microsoft Simulator program is discontinued.

Disappointing but I will not be deterred.  I will persist til I succeed.  - Shalom

[Gin]

Good for you, George!  You will do it!  Perseverance.

[kayc]

George, I've had good luck with filing claims on visa for such things.  I'm sorry Feb. 1 was so hard for you.  But George, you did it!  You landed the simulator plane!  And it's so wonderful to see your excitement!  Just what the doctor ordered!

Marg, I had just been wondering about Debi too, I hope she's okay, it's been a very long time since we've heard from her.

[Finch]

1 year and 1 month mark.

 

Sigh.

[Widowedbysuicide]

I can understand some of your pain on this day. ?  It can't be easy for you.  Hugs from across the sea ?

[iPraiseHim]

I just got a letter from my bank that says that VISA will not dispute my claim.  Apparently it is not illegal to sell a free open source program and charge unsuspecting customers.  The program does not work as advertised but that does not matter. 

My other options are to file a complaint with the Federal Trade commission and with Consumer Advocacy groups.

My Dad is doing better.  I saw him last week and brought dinner. Tried to fix his hot water heater but I just didn't have the strength to pull it off. I called a friend who got it repaired ( hot water heater hoses with the Tiger Shark couplings)

I have a busy workweek ahead so not much time to think about my wife and her death two years ago...  I'm so tired of all the happy valentine commercials though.  i have good memories of our last one together but it is very different now.

I'm still flying (virtually) and studying for the ground school test. - Shalom

 

[Gin]

Marg,

i am trying to read the Bible in a year.  Finished Genesis and doing Matthew.  Just came across the mustard seed reference and thought of you.

[Margm]

Bible speak here:

Matthew 17:20: NIV: He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Not supposed to talk religion, and lots don't believe and that is all their business.  I have a necklace, a little metal rectangle with a mustard seed in it.  You see, that is what I mean when I try to find my faith and it being so small.  It is not for everybody.  It is for me.  

Thanks for thinking about me Gin, this was such a compliment.  

 

[kayc]

15 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

My other options are to file a complaint with the Federal Trade commission and with Consumer Advocacy groups.

I was just going to suggest that.  Better Business Bureau also.  That is just so wrong!  I guess my visa & mastercard companies are better advocates for me.  American Express never would let something like this fly.

[iPraiseHim]

Today marks two years since my beloved Rose Anne passed away, It's hard to comprehend. It seems just recent yet so long ago.  I have a full work day to keep busy.

I spent Valentines day evening with my Dad; sharing a meal he truly enjoyed, watching tv, fixing a cable bill, and checking out his remote alarm entry function.  I also made him some deviled ("sainted") eggs and brought two additional meals that he can munch on.  He really enjoyed the company and was so appreciative and loving. 

There is a time and season for everything.  Thank you all for the support of this group as each of us truly "gets" what this grief is and tries to comfort and support each other.  I am grateful to have found this wonder place.   Thanks Marty T.  - Shalom, George  

[MartyT]

You are so welcome, dear George ~ and know that we are thinking of you and your beloved Rose Anne on this special day of remembrance . . .  ♥

[kayc]

It's a hard day, it never fails to hit us, but I hope as you think about her today it is of special memories that bring you a good feeling rather than of her death.

[brat#2]

George, you are in my thoughts today and sending you hugs.

Joyce

 

[Margm]

George, I always think of you as one of the most insightful people that tries to help all of us.  I cannot dismiss dates, but for some reason, numbers have always been something I hated.  I am not a mathematician, or even someone that remembers dates very much.  I already gave Billy two more months, I said it was 18 months when it is only 16.  One good thing, we never celebrated dates too much.  We gave the kids birthday parties, but for each other it was hit or miss those first few years and the last years he became very concerned with remembering dates..  I had at first in our marriage, but there were so many years together, I finally just gave up on reminding him and decided they were really not that important.  Other people made big celebrations for specific dates.  We are just so all different, yet all the same. 

Yet my  is with you on this important date for you and yours.  I wish we could celebrate with them again.

[Widowedbysuicide]

Dear George,

I wish I had the words to comfort you, I am sure today is a very difficult one. You have given so much of yourself on here and helped me many, many times.  I wish that I could do something for you. ?  Thank you for your kindness and thoughtful comments and suggestions.  When I see a plane pass by I think of you and wonder how your flight plans are coming.

[scba]

Shalom

[Gin]

George,

Thoughts and prayers are with you today.

[DaveM]

George,

With your getting ready to fly, I want to pass along a flight meaning for me, as well. When Dana and I reconnected last May, she talked about her bucket list. It was rather lengthy, and I'm sorry to say we only whittled away a couple of them. She wanted to ride horseback, so I arranged 2 days' lessons when she came to visit me. She lived in central Texas and wanted to go to a real beach again. So we went to Wrightsville Beach and Atlantic Beach. Wanted to take her to the Outer Banks, but we ran out of time.

So here is the flight meaning. She REALLY, REALLY wanted to fly in a bi-plane and have a long scarf around her neck to blow in the wind. After reading your goals and progress, it hit me!  I just found a place near Carolina Beach that takes people up, so I have decided to find a long scarf, and take the flight for her. So thanks for that bit of inspiration.

And no, I didn't have a bucket list. But I do now.