One year ago tomorrow I lost everything

[mittam99]

One year ago today, Tammy was as home. It was her first full day there after leaving the rehab facility. She was tired but nothing really unusual about that. What was unusual was the 10" of snow we were getting. But, we had a good, quiet day. The next day, March 6th wound up being the worst day of my life. I've had other awful days when I lost my grandparents and my dad and my mom, of course. But losing your one true love and your soul mate is a devastating, mind-numbing loss that is unimaginable. It changes EVERYTHING in your life.

When I first chatted with Tammy online, I knew she was special. When we started to talk on the phone, we both began to realize we may have something really special. Still, it wasn't until I met her at the airport that I knew she was the one for me. I held her hand and told her I really loved her. Leaving the airport showed another side of Tammy. She was a "fun-loving" woman. I'm not going to say exactly what she did when we were in the car leaving the airport but it caused me to nearly swerve into another car. Yep, Tammy was something!

In the 5 days Tammy was in Baltimore we went downtown to the harbor, took a trip to the casinos in Atlantic City and spent some quality time at my house. Dropping her off at the airport was tough... she really didn't want to leave and I knew I wanted her in my life for always.

About half a year later, Tammy and little Katie came to Baltimore and we started our life together. I know it wasn't easy at first for Katie. She didn't know me and she was a long way away from her relatives in Illinois. It took some time but I have to say that Katie and I definitely warmed up to each other. It always made me smile when she referred to me as "sweet daddy sunshine". At heart, Katie was a good girl and pretty silly. Tammy loved seeing me and Katie having fun ... she said we were "so cute" together. 

Tammy loved living in Maryland. She found a job she absolutely loved working in medical billing. And she was a very hard worker. She was their 2006 Billing Associate of the Year. I was so proud of her! Sadly in 2007, Tammy's health took a turn for the worse. There were very long hospital and nursing home stays and a 6+ hour surgery. The recovery was long and difficult but as always I was by Tammy's side giving her all the love and support I could.

She lost the job she loved which to be honest was a travesty! Tammy was great at that job but they said they didn't want her back. Of course they never said why but I think we all can read between the lines. Tammy was devastated.

Over the years Tammy faced medical challenges that a lesser person wouldn't have survived. Tammy was a fighter and I was always there trying to lift her up and give her all the love I had inside me. Sepsis, multiple infections, kidney stones, lung surgery, a cardiac arrest, emergency exploratory abdominal surgery, MRSA, unexplained fainting spells (we went for tests and they never did know what was causing them)... the list goes on. She was diagnosed with Raynaud's syndrome and Sjogren's syndrome in addition to her severe systemic lupus. This doesn't include all of terrible, terrible medical ordeals she had when she was living in Illinois. At one point there she had an infection so bad the doctors considered amputation.

Tammy strength and her will to live was amazing. She was proud of her surgical scars. They were a badge of honor and courage to her. She had so much blood work done over the years it took a special technician to even find a suitable vein. They'd stab her over and over and every time the nurse would say "sorry", Tammy would just smile and tell them "it's ok".

Tammy's emotional health took a huge hit when her beloved dad passed away after a battle with brain cancer.

Tammy was the most beautiful person inside and out that I have ever known. And I know she loved me with all her heart. She loved me unconditionally.

I waited my whole for her. And I was so proud that she was in my life and I called her my wife.

Life without Tammy is so hard. I miss her smile. Her laugh. I miss the way she would "oooh and ahh" when you massaged her. Oh boy, did she love her massages! I miss her hugs. Her kisses. Her soft skin (she has the softest hands it the world). I miss her lovely voice. I miss everything about my Tammy.

On March 6th, 2015 the world lost a one of a kind, sweet, loving, funny, amazing, smart, caring and beautiful woman.

She deserved a much easier life. A life of good health. She deserved a much longer time on this earth.

Sadly, God took her to heaven 3 months and four days shy of her 46th birthday. I will never understand why. My life will never be the same.

I was blessed having those 15 years with Tammy. We truly were soul mates. We were both kids at heart. Two peas in a pod. We loved each other all the way to the moon and back... times infinity.

Tammy Jean made me the happiest man in the world.

[kayc]

It's hard to understand how someone can have it so hard while someone else has it easy in life.  All I hope is it is easier for her in the next life.

[MartyT]

A truly beautiful tribute to your beloved Tammy, Mitch. Clearly you were perfect together. No wonder you love and miss her so  ♥

[rdownes]

I can tell from your post you truly loved her and she was a special person I feel for you loss and understand.