Thinking about dropping out of college.

[Mom's angel]

I cannot seem to handle things anymore, I need time for my own self, my own grief. I cannot take the stress of exams now. 

At some point I thought I would do it somehow but now I know I cannot do it anymore, my exam is after 4days, for the first time in my life I'm so close to an exam and I haven't prepared for it. 

There is no point in talking to the college authorities as they will all say that I should do it, it's better doing it then not Trying at all. But I don't feel like doing it.

I don't know what to do, I'm blank right now. Any suggestions are welcomed. 

Thanks.

[kayc]

I don't know how your college is, but do you have an adviser or counselor you could go and talk to, they might have a suggestion.

sharirouse was going to college when her dad died and she had a really hard time but in the end did make it through it, maybe you could read some of her posts.  I know it's a struggle when you're grieving.

[enna]

This is a tough one. There are so many things to consider. In the end, you must do what is in your heart. You say that “I need time for my own grief, I cannot take the stress of exams now.” Our grief does not go away. Many things “trigger” the loss of a loved one ~ special days keep repeating year after year. Are you at the end of a semester? Is this one course? If you did not take the exam would it mean you would have to repeat the course? Does your instructor know you are struggling with this? If you have taken a course for a semester then the knowledge you have derived is in your head. My suggestion is to let your instructor know if you decide to take the exam that you may not be as focused because of your grief and ask if you do poorly could you retake the exam.

I hope you are talking to a grief counselor. A good grief counselor will be able to help you with your struggles as you continue to go on with your daily living. You will know what you need to do. That is what is most important. 

Anne

[Mom's angel]

 kayc, they don't have a special advisor and they rest of the staff knows how good I was in exams before my Mom died and so they are all convincing me to give It a try. But it is easy for them because they are not in the same situation.

I'll definitely read her post if that helps.thanks

 

Enna, that's true the grief will never go always but just 3months into it I feel so confused. It is so hard to focus on studies when the pictures from her death are haunting me. And besides all this I feel that this study thing is useless, the goal of my life is destroyed and I see no destination. Life has slapped me so hard.

Yes, I'm at the end of the semester and this is the last semester, if I complete this semester then I'll have my degrees.

They all know that I'm struggling and are supportive as well, they say I can do it, they say I will pass even if I go through the notes once but they are not getting it, it's not that easy. 

They are all forcing me to complete this two months in which there will be four exams- 2theory  2practicals. I know they are all trying to help me but it gets annoying sometime.

I owe my triumphs to my mom, I had the ability to do or win anything when she was with me. Without her I'm nothing. I have lost all my confidence.

I don't have a grief counselors, I'm trying hard to find one, a grief group will also help but I cannot find that too.

There is no one around me who has lost a parent at a young age.

Thanks for replying. 

[MartyT]

My dear Angel, I say this not to place any more pressure on you than you are feeling already ~ but as a mother (and grandmother) myself, I've always believed that my primary responsibility as a mother was, to the best of my ability, to bring my children to adulthood so they could stand on their own two feet. As a therapist I once was told that "A good therapist is someone to lean on, but an excellent therapist is one who makes leaning unnecessary." I think that same statement applies to being a parent. Given how you've described your mother, I suspect that she did her best to be an excellent mother to you.

I ask you to think about that statement, and consider what your mother would want for you now. You say that you owe your triumphs to your mom, and when she was with you, you had the ability to do or win anything. That tells me that you have a mother who believes in you, and if you truly think that she instilled in you "the ability to do or win anything," then that ability hasn't gone anywhere; it is still inside of you. It is part of your DNA ~ and it is there if and when you choose to exercise it.  

1 hour ago, Mom's angel said:

They all know that I'm struggling and are supportive as well, they say I can do it, they say I will pass even if I go through the notes once but they are not getting it, it's not that easy. 

It sounds as if your instructors know and understand that you are struggling in the wake of your mother's death, but they also see that same ability in you that your mother has instilled in you. You say they "don't get" that finishing your last semester is not that easy for you. I don't think anyone thinks this is easy for you, Angel. Still, you are in your last semester, just short of your degree ~ a degree that will provide a sound foundation and help to shape your future, and your instructors are doing their best to encourage you. Right now you are looking at your future through lenses that are clouded by grief, which is understandable. But trust me, the one thing you can count on in grief is that it changes, and you will not feel this way forever. The strengths and skills and talents your mother nurtured in you are with you still, and they will see you through whatever challenges you face, regardless of whether you decide to stay in school or not. 

How I wish you could network with other college students whose parents have died while they are still in school! At the very least, please visit National Students of AMF to see what information and resources they can offer you.

If you cannot bring yourself to do the studying you need in order to pass your exams and finish your degree, is there any way you can obtain an Incomplete for these two courses, so you won't lose all that you've invested in them so far? 

Obviously this is your decision to make, but when you are faced with a decision like this ~ one with very big consequences ~ you are wise to seek the counsel of someone you trust ~ someone outside the situation who can see things objectively and give you sound, reliable advice that puts YOUR best interests first. I hope you have such a person in your life.  ♥

[Mom's angel]

Thank you Marty.
Kayc and enna thank you again. 
I'm so glad that you guys came to help me out of the confusion. 
After reading above 2replies I told kayc that I'll be giving the exams but without studying, I'll write whatever I remember and then leave. 
After reading your post I feel deeper in that part, you're right
My mom will always want me to be be the best. I cannot disappoint her.  I have to try this, I will study as much as I can. 
But I can promise none as I still cannot focus on a single thing, I'll keep her picture by my side, it always helps.
There is so much stress and distraction surrounding me but I'll still try. 
Thank you kayc, enna and Marty??

I'll definitely check that link and see if I can get some help.

[kayc]

I hope you consider Anne's words and talk to your professor beforehand and let him/her know that you aren't doing well because you're grieving and seeing if you can retest if you don't pass.

[Mom's angel]

Actually the marks of this exam will be sent to the main university and the checking of the papers of the main exam will be done by professors of other college(the university no and student id no will be sealed)so they cannot do anything and that's OK because I should get marks according to what I have written. 

[enna]

You will do fine. Let us know. Hugs.

Anne

[DaughterOfAnAmazingMom]

Good luck with your exams! One thing that has kept me going is the thought of "living on" for my mom. She can't keep going with her life anymore, but I can live life to the fullest for her. If our moms are out there watching, it would make them very happy.

[Ceili]

Mom's Angel - I have been thinking and thinking about what to say to you since I read your post but could not come up with any words because I know how deeply you miss your mom. Good luck with your exams. You are in my heart, my thoughts, and prayers.

[Ceili]

PS I know that your mom is there with you.

[Mom's angel]

Thank you all so much.
But I have decided to drop out of the college because my family environment has became very stressful due to my brother's wife and I cannot handle it all. 
It seems like life is throwing bombs after bombs. 
I hate it how all my hard work paid off like this, I'm not going for the exams. 
 
The song :
" I've tried so hard and get so far but in the end it doesn't even matter.
I had to fall to lose it all,
In the end it doesn't even matter. "
It reflects my feelings. 
I guess that's it and I'm not going, I may regret my decision later but right now it's my only option.

[kayc]

When my son was in the Air Force he was going for an Electrical Engineering degree, but lacked a couple of courses when his stint was up.  He did not want to reenlist even though he was Staff Sargent Elect and it'd mean he wouldn't get the title he'd worked so hard for.  When he enrolled in university afterwards, he learned his credits were not transferable so he'd have to start over again, taking courses he'd already taken.  It goes easier the second time as you don't forget what you've learned, esp. if it hasn't been a long time (he took a couple of years off in between).  he graduated 4.0 gpa with Engineering degrees in Electrical, Mechanical, and Computers, was the commencement speaker and Summa Cum Laude.  I say all of that to you to tell you that none of your schooling has been a waste, not even if you haven't been tested or received credit for it...the knowledge is there and will aid you when you go back to school.

[Mom's angel]

That gives hope. 

I will try something. One thing that my mom told me was that life goes on and you have to move with it no matter what or else you will be left behind. 

What I meant in my post was that I've tried harder, beyond my limits, I've sacrificed my night sleep for my grades, I've sacrificed the enjoyments of college life for my grades, I won't lie, I swear I was doing it all just for my mom, I wanted her to be always proud of me. My average GPA of 2years is 8.4/10 and for the 3rd year's 5th semester ( the exam I went to give after my mom's death) came out 7.9 and now the 6th sem will be zero. So this feeling of losing everything revolves around me.

 

Bur Thanks kayc, you are right . Maybe the situation is not right but I'll rise again and make my mom proud.

[kayc]

Our GPA ratings 4.0, is perfect (the highest) so yours must be different.  I know what you mean about trading sleep, my son hardly slept in college, always studying or projects, etc, plus he had to come up with his own funding so that meant applying for scholarships & grants.  College is tough!

It'd still be good to talk to them, maybe they could give you an incomplete instead of a 0 so it doesn't count against your GPA.

[Mom's angel]

Yup kayc I know that,( our is based out of 10) and so I said that it gives hope, he did it all over again and passed with such high ranking. 

Having a mom does make difference. 

My college professors will know about my decision tomorrow, I don't know how will they react but my decision is final.

[kayc]

You will do what is best for you.  There is no right or wrong way, only your way.

 

[enna]

We each have decisions to make and we learn to let it "Be Enough."

[Mom's angel]

Thank you kayc and enna.?

[DaughterOfAnAmazingMom]

Good luck with your path. People go back to get their education at completely different times these days. When you're ready, I'm sure you will be able to pick things up again. <3

[Mom's angel]

Thank you 

[Mom's angel]

So today I told the college authorities that I'm not going to continue with my studies and I have decided not to give exams. 

They are not with my decision. They told me that they will rearrange the first exam that I missed today but I have to come for the rest of the exams. They are sure that I won't fail and are trusting me . 

So I have to go to college tomorrow and meet them and I'll have to give the exams.

[MartyT]

The fact that your college authorities are "not with" your decision tells me how willing they are to work with you, and how much they want you to succeed, Angel. I hope tomorrow goes well for you ~ and we're all pulling for you, too!

[kayc]

I hope you do better than you think you will!  You're in my prayers.