13 weeks later - Bad Bad Days

[BethLD]

Hi all, 

I've posted on our thread previously. My mother passed away unexpectedly 13 weeks ago, I understand that it's still very early days and whilst I don't want to simply get past the pain, I'm finding that there is no break from it, I'm living with a constant ache that never leaves. I can get up in the morning, shower, meet friends, pay bills and do whatever is needed of me but this pain is horrendous. Even in a room full of people I'm lonely, I'm anxious and I'm scared sleeping alone, even though I'm nearly 30. 

Any advice greatly received 

Many thanks 

Beth 

[kayc]

the only advice I have would be to see a grief counselor, journal, cry when the tears come, try to keep busy when you can, take good care of yourself by eating healthy, don't forget to drink water, get regular exercise/walks, and talk to a doctor about your anxiety.  Beyond that, grief hurts and there's no way around it but straight through it.

I'm sorry, I do know the pain all too well.  

[BethLD]

Kayc, 

thank you, I just don't know how people like you yourself continuously pick yourself up after such losses, I know we have spoken previously. 

Until now, apart from the loss of a close family friend fifteen years ago and an uncle ( through marriage) before that I've never experienced grief as such. 

 

[MartyT]

Beth, my dear, the only way we pick ourselves up after significant loss is to do it one day, one hour, one moment at a time ~ and each of us does it according to our own individual time frame. We all have different personalities, different past experiences, different relationships with the person who has died, different skills and strengths ~ so of course grief is as different as our own individual fingerprints. Still, there are certain aspects of grief that are typical, and certain things we can do to get us through. Learning about those helps us to feel less crazy and alone ~ and the best way to learn is to be with people who have traveled this path before us. That is what makes these forums so valuable. We learn from each other. We understand and accept one another exactly as we are, without judgment or reproach. And somehow we each find our own way.

Here are some articles that you may find helpful:

Grief: Understanding The Process

Common Myths and Misconceptions About Grief

[willow87]

I totally understand. I lost my mom January 24, 2016. I am 38 and she was 64. I thought I was handling it well, going to work, meeting friends for lunch etc., but the lonliness is constant. It is amazing how one can feel lonely in a room full of people. It's because the one person we long for is not there. At times I think I am handling it well and then all of a sudden I am embraced by grief. It hits me that she is not coming back. That I have to live the rest of my life without her. The pain returns. I have learned to take it not one day at a time but one hour at a time. The way I feel right now is sure to change two hours from now. Just know that as you feel this lonliness, you are not alone. I am, too. 

[BethLD]

I think I have been thinking too far ahead and that makes it so much harder, like you said its better to focus on getting through the next hour etc. 

Devastated does even come close to how I feel and no pain will ever be greater than the pain of losing my mother. 

 

Hugs to you

[Mdc0128]

On 3/12/2016 at 3:00 PM, BethLD said:

Hi all, 

I've posted on our thread previously. My mother passed away unexpectedly 13 weeks ago, I understand that it's still very early days and whilst I don't want to simply get past the pain, I'm finding that there is no break from it, I'm living with a constant ache that never leaves. I can get up in the morning, shower, meet friends, pay bills and do whatever is needed of me but this pain is horrendous. Even in a room full of people I'm lonely, I'm anxious and I'm scared sleeping alone, even though I'm nearly 30. 

Any advice greatly received 

Many thanks 

Beth 

Hello Beth,

My mom passed away nearly 13 weeks ago as well. I can relate to what your going through. I have days where I'm scared I won't wake up in the morning. I feel like I'm on autopilot at times.

When I have really bad days, I ask myself "Would My Mom Want this for me?". Then I continue on and try my best to smile. 

If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. I'm 25. 

 

Melanie