Bumping into old friends

[Mdc0128]

I moved back to my hometown after my mom died. Literally within a week, I moved back after 5 years of being gone. I was fortunate enough to have family friends who welcomed me into their home. 

I find that the longer I live here, the more people I bump into. There's unavoidable instances of "Oh how's your mom been?", and then having to explain that she died. It's awkward and just brings up memories I would rather not remember.My mom's death has suddenly become part of my identity even in my hometown. 

Has anyone else faced this issue?

[kayc]

I don't live in my hometown so haven't been through that.  I'm sorry you're facing that, it must feel like a dagger each time you're asked.

[Mdc0128]

47 minutes ago, kayc said:

I don't live in my hometown so haven't been through that.  I'm sorry you're facing that, it must feel like a dagger each time you're asked.

It is. It's just a constant reminder that my mom is gone. 

[willow87]

Yes. Especially since most people know the close relationship I had with my mom. I usually get this from people who have not seen me in a while. In fact, I got the exact same question last week in my exercise class from a person I hadn't seen in over a year. My mom passed away about two months ago. It is really hard to get "that" question and kinda awkward. I feel that there are so many triggers in the beginning that you cannot prepare for....

[Mdc0128]

On 3/17/2016 at 6:32 PM, willow87 said:

Yes. Especially since most people know the close relationship I had with my mom. I usually get this from people who have not seen me in a while. In fact, I got the exact same question last week in my exercise class from a person I hadn't seen in over a year. My mom passed away about two months ago. It is really hard to get "that" question and kinda awkward. I feel that there are so many triggers in the beginning that you cannot prepare for....

How do people react when you tell them? I was an only child, and my mom and I were very close. I dont have a very close relationship with my father, so my identity was also part of mine and my mom's relationship. I find that acquaintances get uncomfortable simply because they're not sure what to say. They very quickly try to end the conversation and typically tell me to call them if I need anything because they feel obligated. I'm so sorry for your loss, my mom passed away almost 4 months ago.

[MissLoss]

My Dad passed away 4 years ago and we were very close. A couple of months ago, I got an email from an old friend of his asking how he could get in touch with my Dad. I cried for a whole day before I could respond. This pain never goes away because there is so much love for the one you've lost. But over the past 4 years, I've learned to live my life as well. 

As much as it may seem that people become awkward around you, I've found that when you're ready to talk, even strangers will listen. New friends I've made have been incredibly supportive. There are good people out there even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

I used to dislike the obligatory "I'm here" comments. But now I know that they just don't know what to say and they don't want to cause you any more pain by saying something insensitive. 

[willow87]

I am an only child as well! Yes, that is the exact reaction I get. They look uncomfortable or like a deer in headlights! They usually say, "sorry for your loss" which gets annoying after you've heard it so many times or they are so stunned I feel bad for them. I've come to realize that most people do not know what to say to you. They are very uncomfortable and I end up trying to ease their discomfort. One would think after the first month we would be pass the "how's mom" inquiry. But I feel that a year will pass and someone will ask, "How's your mom?" Sigh.....  So sorry you are going through this.