miss my son

[Heartbroken54]

We lost our son on October 12, 2015 of a combination of asthma and drugs. It has been hard on our family as you can imagine. I tried a grief group and not sure it's the one for me.  He had come to us in March to tell us about his problem with heroin. He wanted to apologise and get help to stop. His dad and I were behind him all the way.  I took him to detox and things seemed good all summer.  He seemed like his "old" self which after he had told us about the drug we realized he hadn't been acting right before.  He had been mowing grass and landscaping for money while looking for a more permanent job. That weekend all the girls went to our cabin to celebrate my youngest daughters 21st. birthday.  We came home Sunday afternoon, the guys were laughing and teasing us about how much we drank. After dinner, we sat around the fire for a bit then went in. Zach said good night and I love you.  About 1:30 a.m.  he woke us up saying he couldn't breathe.  He had his inhaler but he still couldn't get enough air.  While my husband called 911, I went into the bathroom to check on Zach and his pupils were fixed and he wasn't breathing. I picked him up (till this day I don't know I did it) and took him into the living room.  My husband started CPR till the EMT's got there and took over.  He was transported to the hospital where he later passed.  Why he didn't come to us we'll never know.  We would have helped him again with detox, maybe tried in-patient that time. I'm just devastated. My husband has had us stick with the asthma attack cause of death. I am torn because in my heart people need to know this can happen to anyone.  We are not rich, but we are not poor either. Heroin doesn't care.  The coroner I spoke with said it is the most addictive drug ever, even more than cocaine. I guess he's embarrassed but I just want to warn these young kids, don't even try it. People who want you to try it are not your friends.  His birthday is coming up on April 8 and I am just beside myself...

[kayc]

Oh my, that is the hardest thing in the world to have to go through, I am so sorry for your loss.  I'm sure your husband feels it's a reflection on him, but it isn't, drugs can hit any family.  It's not even a reflection on your son, the addiction is very strong.  I have a sister and BIL with a gambling addiction.  Addictions aren't common-sense based, they're urgency-driven.

You are warning families here, and can continue to do so with anonymity and still respect your husband's decision.  

With it being the anniversary of finding out about his drug problem and approaching his birthday, I'm sure it's hitting you hard.  It's good that you posted, I feel it helps me to voice my grief and what I went through.

I'm sorry the grief support group isn't doing it for you.  Have you gotten grief counseling?  That's where I would start, they're trained to guide you through this.  Meanwhile, it's okay to try different support groups until you find one you better click with.

[Heartbroken54]

My sister-in-law went to see a medium/ psychic and had great success.  I'm at the point where I would try anything to make me feel better. Has anyone ever tried this or wanted to try this?

[MartyT]

It's a topic often discussed on our site, my friend. See, for example, the posts in this thread: Psychic Mediums??? Yea or Nay??? Follow some of the links you'll find embedded in the posts there. You'll need to scroll down a bit to find them.

[Heartbroken54]

Thank you Marty T.  As I said I will look at different things to help our family heal.  I did get a few books which are helping and I talk with my sister-in-laws  (the one who lost her son 6 years ago at age 19) and the other one who calls me frequently just to talk or listen, whatever I need. I don't know what I would do without them. Cyn calls the girls too. <3  We decided we are going to have a fire this Friday on his birthday like we would as if he were still physically here with us and talk about the funny and good times we had with him. I know there will be a lot of tears but if we're all together, I think it will be okay.  This year of "firsts" sucks

[MartyT]

♥

[KATPILOT]

Heartbroken54 let me say first that I am so sorry for for the loss of your son. I think you will find good people here to help you and talk with. I want to relate a story for what it's worth. In the first year after my wife died, I met a couple who were also grieving but for them it was the loss of their son. Often in grief we meet new friends for we share something in common. It's called sorrow.  In my conversations with this couple, I had mentioned that many strange things were happening in my home and they looked at each other and then to me. They explained that they had some interesting things in their lives as well. After a very long story, they shared with me that they met with a medium near where I live. I was compelled because of what was happening in my home to seek this person out. I was never a believer in mediums before but I went. It took three months to get in but when I left, well, let's just say I now believe. I want to say that it doesn't always happen but often it does. I have been seven times over the last four years and sometimes Kathy is there, and sometimes she's not.  I can tell you this and I have no doubt about it being true. Your son is very likely with you and when you celebrate his birthday, you just might include him in the conversations. He can't answer you back but he can hear you and he can see you. The couple I met told me that they celebrated their son's birthday and when they did see the medium, she told them he was saying things that no one but them would have known about that happened that day. It was enough to make the dad's hair stand up on the back of his neck. Like me, he wasn't a believer at first either. Just food for thought.

Again I am sorry for what you and your husband are going through.