I miss sharing my art with my dad

[Clematis]

I miss sharing my art-and everything else with my dad. Today was the last day of my ceramics class and so we had our pieces there for the final critique. It would have been fun to share them with my dad; he would have liked them. Lena was not particularly impressed with them

[Clematis]

[kayc]

Personally, I think your dad still sees it.

[Clematis]

Do you really? I never thought of that! I guess it makes sense that if he can see the airbag icon and the low gas alert lights in the car and remind me to take care of these things, he could see my art and the concert as well. I never thought about it... Thanks! That's a nice thing to think about

[kayc]

I just read your post, am heading to bed but wanted to say I really feel for you.  My mom's death hit me but not on some of the levels you mention with your dad because I wasn't her caregiver, and also her dementia...plus she had mental issues all her life that made it very difficult for anyone with a relationship with her.  But still, I loved her.  But to spend ten years with someone and lose them, that's very hard.

I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight, you need it!

[Clematis]

Thanks, it's true-I do. It's been a long day. I drove my dad's car to Cottonwood-his beloved Mercury Grand Marquis that used to be my mother's car...and now it's mine. People keep telling me that I should sell it, but my Corolla has almost 300,000 miles on it! Having a backup with 90,000 miles that only costs me $40 a month is rather appealing. But I haven't driven it that much yet...and I don't know...maybe it will always seem like my dad's car. Anyway, it gave me another wave, driving the car.

[kayc]

George and I bought a Grand Marquis LS and loved it!  It was black and the windows were tinted, people thought it looked like a Mafia car and would pull over when we went by.  It was so comfortable!  And for all the power it had, it still got 24 mpg.  I loved it!  I had to switch to my Honda Civic when I started commuting.  I miss that car though!

[Clematis]

 My friend keeps referring to it as "the Lincoln" When I asked her what she meant she said well it's only a couple details away from being a Lincoln town car and that's why it's such a great car.  The mechanic and the tire guy both told me that the engine in that car is used for police cars and limousines...it's rather different than my Corolla but I like it – I'm going to keep it

[kayc]

Police use the Crown Victoria, which is cheaper, but I have a friend with the Lincoln Towncar, and it's nicer yet.  It has tremendous power and I love the way the seats feel/

[Clematis]

Yeah-those cars are cruisers-very cush and powerful. I cent remember what kind of car it was, but my great aunts used to have a grey car they called "Mousie" and my dad was always making remarks and snorts because Mousie had a big V-8 and a powerful car. Mousie.... hahaha I asked my dad's car what its name was and promptly got the answer "Bob". Alright then! Hi Bob!

[KATPILOT]

We used to call em Tuna Boats.

[Clematis]

Tuna Boats? What does that mean? Same as a big ole boat?

[KATPILOT]

We spent a lot of time in San Diego sailing when the tuna industry was strong. The tuna boats were wide and heavy  and would wallow at sea through the swells kind of like those big wide cars like the town cars we would rent.  My in laws a long time back gave us their older Grand Marquis which behaved very much the same, comfortable but reacted more slowly to turns.

[Clematis]

 We had career day at at the school on the reservation today and I was representing the field of school counselor.  Everybody likes it, of course when you give something away but I've always been stumped by this.  I don't want to give them some meaningless piece of junk that cost a nickel or something. So this year I printed out the sheets with the classic art therapy exercise Draw a Person, Draw a House, Draw a Tree. I saw a few students after career day was over and drew along with my last student.  Sometimes they feel less self-conscious if I draw too.

Here is my drawing.  The person is my dad, the house is my own house – that I'm not living in – my hearts eye view of it as I hope it will feel to me in the future, and draw a tree – Part of me is still stuck in winter.

[Clematis]

On May 5, 2016 at 4:42 AM, KATPILOT said:

We spent a lot of time in San Diego sailing when the tuna industry was strong. The tuna boats were wide and heavy  and would wallow at sea through the swells kind of like those big wide cars like the town cars we would rent.  My in laws a long time back gave us their older Grand Marquis which behaved very much the same, comfortable but reacted more slowly to turns.

I love this description of the Grand Marquis...wallowing at sea through the swells. I used to go rafting in the Grand Canyon, and those boats I think are like what you describe. Heavy with a lot of weight down in the water/current. Kind of slow to turn, but once you got it going where you wanted, it would really blast through big waves with a lot of power. Maybe that's the way to think about driving it. In a way I love having this old family car, but it drives so differently than my little Corolla. I think I need to adjust to it--maybe drive it more so Bob and I get better acquainted. What do you think?

[kayc]

When I got my Grand Marquis, I had to slow way down on the mountainous winding roads and give myself more stopping time...I was used to small cars that zip around.  But I loved it like no other car! (Part of it was that George and I picked it out together...a whole story in itself!)

[Clematis]

That's great advice! I always wondered why my dad hung onto that car but he sure did. No explanations, just kept it. I'd point out that he wouldn't hit the side of the garage like he used to do if he had a smaller car that was easier to park. He'd agree but keep the car. As I go through my dad's things, it's kind of a treasure hunt. Sometimes I find treasures and sometimes I find mysteries about him. As I ponder these mysteries I feel like I am getting to know him better by thinking about why he did what he did. The car is a mystery...it's a 1993. In two more years I'll be able to get copper plates for it as a historic vehicle!

 

[kayc]

Ours was 2000, I had to trade it in on a Civic because I was doing long commutes, but I cried when I lost it.

[Clematis]

I really missed my dad a lot today and very worried about how I'm going to get through this summer's moving and consolidating everything together and getting back into my house.

 I go over there every day to water the plants and today for a change I kind of felt like I wanted to be back in my own house but it seems so far away… It's not really my home anymore and is such a mess, and yet my dads house where I'm staying, Is not really my whole either. I really can't imagine where I'll be at the end of the summer. Just trying to struggle along and take care of Lena, myself, and the flowers.

 

[enna]

Sometimes that's all we can do Laura is "struggle along" ~ I have no doubt you will do whatever you need to do for that is what your dad would want.

I love your drawings, paintings. . . and I do believe that your dad "sees" your paintings. When I am doing my colored pencil coloring I feel closer to my Jim and do believe that he is near. 

Are you staying up north this summer? I drive up to the red rocks at least three times a year. It is a place of peace for me. 

Anne

[Clematis]

Flowers for my dad...I hope he can see them...

 

 

[Clematis]

So, I don't really know if he can see or not, but yesterday the other counselor and I took these two kites out to the reservation school to have the kids fly the last day of school at field day. I bought mine first and the kids had such a great time flying it-it's a modified rounded box kite that is about bomb-proof and is very easy to fly-it practically jumps into the air. When my dad heard about the kite and the kids, he got one as well, but I couldn't figure out what he would do with it because he was having such trouble getting around. But we took the kites out there yesterday. Mike took my dad's kite to fly with a bunch of boys and I was flying my kite in the next field with a bunch of girls. The wind was so perfect we had lots of good flights-one after another. We were even able to get in a number of flights with one of my stunt kites. I hope my dad could see us and see his kite flying in the air. He sure loved kites...

[kayc]

I like to think he did.

[MartyT]

So do I. 

[Clematis]

Thanks! I told the kids about how it was my dad's kite and he really wanted to see them flying it...they seemed to think he could see it as well. They had a great time flying the kite and the wind was great. Well, the was a little squirrelly but in the right speed range. I had a great time with my stunt kite-one of my best flight days ever for it. My friend and coworker Mike was also able to get it up enough to have fun with it as well. I have been flying a stunt kite for at least 20 years, but mostly have had a lot of frustration because I have lived in lumpy landscapes that slow down and disrupt the wind. Out on the reservation, it is flat and open, leading to good wind conditions. I love flying out there...