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If You're Going Through Hell


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Now that is cool!  My first thought was, "you plan on living someplace with mosquitoes?"

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Well, of course the mosquito is ours and Alaska's state bird.  (I wonder why so many in Alaska),, I know why down in Louisiana, because it is swamp country.  But, I just like the cocoon feeling.  Remember, I said I was my happiest in the 19 foot 5th wheel.  Aren't people  crazily different?  My friend grew up in the home her father was born in.  Then when she married they bought a home and she has lived in that one home over 50 years.  I just always wanted to see what was over the next hill or around the next bend.  I was never a homebody, but my mom was.  My dad would have loved to live in a small RV.  Billy and I shared the same wants.  We hated to stay in one place. If I had the money right now I would live in an apartment in the city close to us.  Now, in that way we were different.  Billy hated the  city.  I did too as long as he was with me.  Guess he was my cocoon.

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On 2/20/2017 at 4:38 PM, KarenK said:

Had my first "love affair" with and older guy(he was 17). We planned to run away to Mexico and get married.  LOL  Instead, he returned to military school and I to Phoenix. Have often wondered what happened to him. He would have been prime age for Vietnam.

Karen, rereading your post of memories reminded me of a song, and you will know it because you  lived it and have to remember "Strawberry Wine."

I was caught somewhere between a woman and a child
When one restless summer we found love growing wild
On the banks of the river on a well beaten path
It's funny how those memories they last
Like strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love oh bittersweet
Green on the vine
Like strawberry wine

Google his name Karen.  You might find out where he is.  I found my "first boyfriend" on FB, did not talk to him.  It was strange.  When I was 15, before the tremor got bad, I had a picture of him. (I drew it from a photograph and the likeness was good).  Mama threw it away cause it would make Billy jealous. (It would have). He looked just like James Dean, the hair, the cigarette in his hand, sitting in a lawn chair.  This "him" now nearly 60 years later has him sitting in the lawn chair, cigarette in hand, but I did not recognize the old man.  Thank goodness I am still 15.  

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I met up with my long ago BF on FB, we were young teenagers.  When he mentioned marriage, I panicked and broke up with him.  He was three years older so I guess he was more ready for serious things than I was.  

It is interesting how our lives paralleled each others.  We both grew up in the Nazarene Church and switched to the Baptist Church after we were grown, many years later.  We are both on our praise team (lead morning worship).  We both sing (he's made CDs and been in a band).  We both like camping and big dogs.  In fact his last dog looked like a white Arlie.  We both live in a mobile home on our own property, and live in the country.  We both married Italians.  We both went through divorce.  He hasn't been widowed but his wife had been.  I love his wife.  I am so very very happy for him that his life turned out and he is happy, he was and is a very nice guy, very respectful, and lots of fun.

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Had a major meltdown last night!  Watched Andrea Bocelli on TV.  Al and I went to many, many musicals.  Andrea sang many show songs that Al and I had heard together.   It did not bring comfort, but rather yearning and tears.  Was rather surprised at the intensity.  I will stick to shows like Perry Mason. Bonanza, etc..  Stay in my cocoon.

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5 hours ago, Gin said:

 I will stick to shows like Perry Mason. Bonanza, etc..  Stay in my cocoon.

Those old shows are the ones I stay away from.  Give Billy the western channel and he was happy, that and sports.  I have an album of Andre Bocelli singing the show tunes and it is one I can listen to.  Billy's favorite show tunes were from the westerns, the old spaghetti movies and Legends of the Fall.  We had a Boykin Spaniel that would sing with Legends of the Fall.  He did not really care for music that much and hated Elvis very much.  Country music made up my life till I met Billy and then he just was not a big music fan.  I knew he would like "Fernando" by Abba, I think.  But celebrations and music were not something we shared.  He did not care if I listened to it.  It was really funny, I had the kids make me a CD of some of the old tunes, by various artists, that were popular back "in the day" and was playing the CD on one of our trips (we shared traveling) and he said "I like that radio station, keep it on it."  He was not brought up around music but I was.  We both gave up a lot or blended it in to our own life.  It worked, till it didn't.   

We are all so much alike, but all so different also.  

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55 minutes ago, Gin said:

Had a major meltdown last night!  Watched Andrea Bocelli on TV.  Al and I went to many, many musicals.  Andrea sang many show songs that Al and I had heard together.   It did not bring comfort, but rather yearning and tears. 

Those moments still hit me too Gin but someday I hope for you that like I have evolved, the music sometimes brings tears of joy and even some sweet comfort thrown in as well.

I don't want to lose the music forever. It was Kathy's music. It was mine too.

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Gin, I completely understand what you are saying about music.  It was a big part of our lives and I still can't listen to music (even when it comes on the TV, I turn the channel) without crying and feeling so sad that Dale isn't here to enjoy it with me.  I'm hoping someday I will find comfort in music, but not yet.  Hugs to you.

Joyce

 

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Joyce and Gin:  I had no choice.  Now, at first I would cry and they would stop the playing of it.  My granddaughter uses ear buds anyhow but my daughter, music talks to her.  It was talking to me too, telling me to "cry, cry, cry."  After awhile though I got to where I could listen to Bri's band's music without it bothering me.  One called "Amnesia" became my theme song.  Still some I cannot listen to.  CCR anytime.  The Band, anytime.  Journey, anytime.  Air Supply,  anytime.  But some I still cannot.  Living with a 17-year-old, music is there.  She even has memorized all the rap songs.  Really though, she listens to Ed Sheeran, 5-SOS, Adele, one guy singer I love, short, dark haired fellow from Hawaii, I think. and a few more that I can listen to.  No loud music played.  Even in the car I have to turn it up to hear it.  Never thought I would get this far.  Then I remember, Billy could care less for music, so it is no memory bust.  

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Marg, I think Billy & I would have been "$hitkickers" together. I have several CD's of Western movie themes, including some I recorded form youtube. Legends Of The Fall is one of my favorites. I bought the movie from Amazon. Sometimes it makes me sad to play them as I see Ron sitting on the couch watching his Westerns.

Perry Mason was a favorite of my dad's. The Virginian(James Drury) was my heartthrob. I still watch him in the middle of the night. Like so many young, handsome stars, he has not aged well. I have autographed photos of a few Western stars I have met over the years, "Cheyenne"(Clint Walker) being my favorite.

I have tried looking for that old boyfriend on the Internet and although his name is unusual, I have yet to find him. Attending a military academy would have put him right in the thick of Vietnam, so perhaps he is gone. I don't belong to Facebook so can't search for him that way.

For me Gin, I think it's the old Country music that gets to me. I can remember us playing all the old  albums and here come the blasted tears.

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Karen, I googled Clint Walker once (won't look again) and it showed up he had posed for some "beefcake" poses that were not to my liking.  If I had been younger maybe, but I quit enjoying Cheyenne after that.  (this was in the past 3-4 years). Just a crazy idiosyncrasy.  If I had been 10 years younger I would have gone back to the site often.  I really prefer being young and appreciating pictures like that.  I don't even know if he is still alive.  My family bought me Bonanza CD's until one day I finally got tired of Bonanza and I still wish Chester and Mr. Dillon had had a cell phone so Chester would not have had to ride 10 miles to get Doc Adams and back, on horseback. I guess a car would have helped too, but sure  would have taken away from the story. 

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Karen, you don't have to have a Facebook account to search for someone.  Google search:

first name last name Facebook Profile
 

It will bring up anyone with that name and a Facebook account...most people have their picture so you can see which one it is.  Also, if you go to their Facebook page, it often shows what town/state they're in when you click on "About" in the FB Profile.

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Thanks for the info, Kay. I tried it, but no one appears the right age or looks familiar. Of course, it's only been 55? years since I've seen the guy.  LOL

Was thinking of you today when I turned on my air conditioner. Here you are shoveling snow, and it's supposed to be 95 here this week. It amazes me how everyone's climate is so different.

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I'm getting rain this week, thankfully!  Yesterday was beautiful so I took Arlie to play with his friend Sammy.  Snow elevations will lower throughout the week...makes me nervous.

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In Louisiana we have AC weather, then the next day the sun is out, I go out and have to come in for a jacket.  Cannot decide whether to keep it where the AC will come on or the heater so I put it off completely and use the ceiling fans mostly.  No snow this year.  We usually got some 175-200 miles up the road from here.  I think they are talking about the NorthEast now fixing to get the snow storms.  I don't know who all live up around there, but I wish I could share the balmy weather of the south with you right now.  Be careful.  

Still putting off finding that folder, but I have to find it.  Getting close to the end of the book I mentioned a few days ago.  She had mentioned going through days of being forgetful and I'm thinking "Bless her heart, she has not even had time to figure out there are any levels of grief."  All she has done is try to live among scorpions, rats, spiders, the elements in East Texas, eating a lot of Vienna sausages and her new favorite macaroni and cheese.  Trying to live without a good source of water, no electricity, going to work at a job that was a man's job (I know, we women can do it too), but cutting wood with big saws, and living in a place where people even dumped baby pigs at her house.  She raised them with the cat and dogs and a baby buck deer that wandered over and she fed with a baby bottle until he felt the "call of the wild" and left.  Know she had to make some money off that book.  No, she is not a practiced writer, which makes it more interesting.  Ever so often she feels sorry for herself.  She reminds me of RVSue.  

I think this woman has had no use for a man or other women friends. (RVSue).  I read her blog until Billy left.  She is nearing 70 now.  The woman above, I don't know how old she is now, last I read she was 59.  In this week, or month of honoring women though, they are two of the toughest women I have ever "not" known.  I wish I could say they have impressed me enough to hook up the RV or to wander off on my own, although we are all on our own, but I prefer my comforts.  I do enough on my own.  

Even though those two women work/travel on their own, does not make me forget or miss the 54 years I spent with my best friend.  

Hats off to you widows in this time of honoring women, and hats off to all you men who are missing your mates too.  

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gwen,

Just wondering how you are feeling.  There was some snow here and I decided to stay home and shovel.  It really should have gone to the health club or store or something.  I don't  do well just staying by myself all day.  The day seems like 100 hours long.  Lots of snow expected tonight, but if it is at all doable, I am out of here.  Shovel first.  Hope you feel a little better.

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Okay girls, in dealing with snow, find the cleanest you can (usually on the car) and take plenty of big bowls.  Mama used to make snow ice cream with granulated sugar and it was always grainy.  Billy's favorite ice cream was snow ice cream.  Make sure you have plenty of cans of condensed milk (they even make it in caramel now) and Carnation or Pet or store brand canned milk.  Vanilla flavoring.  keep adding snow until the consistency is perfect.  You might throw in a pinch of salt to keep it from being flat.  When you freeze it, it will be hard.  Take a knife and chip it up and put it in the blender.  We never got to try it much in Louisiana, but we got it every year in Arkansas.  I don't think I can ever make it again, but doubt I would get much of a chance in this territory.  (I guess this is another way of saying if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.)

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Marg,

I barely have the energy to go to a store and buy ice cream.  Now you want me to make it?  Tell you what.  I will collect the snow and freeze it.  I think you mentioned that you have a relative not too far from here.  When you visit her, stop by and You can make it. 

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If I was there I would make it for you.  At one time one of the companies made an ice cream using condensed milk.  Honestly, I am not feeling too safe crossing over frozen ground.  I have a cousin that lives in Grand Haven, Michigan.  Her son is a doctor in Chicago, but I doubt if either of them make it.  I think it is only made by people who look out and start jumping up and down because snow is unique.  She sends me pictures ever so often and I think snow tends to stay for months on the Great Lakes sides of your cities.  You folks that have it all the time, well, I am sure you could care less.  And, it is probably safer to stay inside.  I guess I can call it Arkansas ice cream cause we only got it about once a year.  

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4 hours ago, Gin said:

I barely have the energy to go to a store and buy ice cream.  Now you want me to make it?

Touché Gin!  

in answer to your question, I'm not doing that well, but since I never am.......how can you gauge it?  Days and nights are definitely too long.  :blink:

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19 hours ago, Gin said:

gwen,

Just wondering how you are feeling.  There was some snow here and I decided to stay home and shovel.  It really should have gone to the health club or store or something.  I don't  do well just staying by myself all day.  The day seems like 100 hours long.  Lots of snow expected tonight, but if it is at all doable, I am out of here.  Shovel first.  Hope you feel a little better.

Gin:  As I said to Gwen's post, I agree that the days and nights are too long.  Being alone a lot is really hard, but being around people can be hard too.  It is a distraction at times.  I am getting snow here in NC today.  It always depresses me because it's hard to get out if I do want to...I live on a fairly steep driveway. 

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