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If You're Going Through Hell


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KayC,

I wish I could offer more than just prayers and positive thoughts.  I am sure you will be fine, and know that your indomitable spirit will see you through.  Though I know you are strong enough to get past this with flying colors, I'm still going to ask whatever powers may be to give you whatever help they can.  Wishing you peace and tranquility,

Herc

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Wishing you well, Kay.  Are you having cataracts removed?   I am putting off having mine done.  There is some issue with the cornea and I do not want corneal implants.  Have an appointment in a few weeks.  I will have a list of questions after I investigate this condition.  Glad your pets being taken care of.

 

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Gin, I've had a cyst on my eyeball for seven years, it flares up and when it's big it's painful and uncomfortable.  Not just when I blink, but all the time.  It distorts my vision and causes chronic eye infections.  My insurance won't pay for it and I was hoping I could wait for Medicare (seven more months) but I can't.  They've had me on eye drops to keep it down but I did some research and found they can cause glaucoma, so I'm ready to be done with this.  Unfortunately, it can grow back, which is why I haven't had it removed when I had insurance through my job, but I will just have to deal with it, as many times as it comes.

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I worked the 11-7 shift at the hospital from 1970 until 1977.  I did it so I could be with my kids when they came home from school and Billy could be with them at night.  I took legal amphetamines to keep me awake at night and probably never got more than 5-6 hours sleep every day.  It took a toll on my marriage and my wellness.  But, each night when I got to work I would pick up the Shreveport Journal.  (A newspaper that eventually ceased production).  I would read the fishing report on the sports page, read the sports, a column by Wiley Hilburn and a column by Erma Bombeck.  Losing both of those people was like losing a family member.  Wiley would write about his family, his whole family, and he was a teacher/head of the department of journalism at a local college.  His was the first time I learned about the black dog of depression.  I felt like he and Erma were almost family members.  Both are now gone, and Erma wrote this below, I think after she found out she was terminal.  Cannot remember, but think it was in the beginning of kidney transplants that had not been perfected like they are today, but just going on a faulty memory with that.  It always spoke to me though.  These are her words below.

Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live over would I change anything. My answer was no, but then I thought about it and changed my mind.

If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I'd have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten popcorn in the "good" living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.

I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television ... and more while watching real life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.

I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day.

I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn't show soil/ guaranteed to last a lifetime.

When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more I love yous ... more I'm sorrys ... more I'm listenings ... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.” 
 

I miss Erma and Wiley, and so many others, most of all Billy.

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A lousy day today!  I guess they mostly are.  I had a tooth piled his morning and it was so much worse than others I have had.  Lots of pain and bleeding.  3 roots, 1 broken and decay.  Dropped off prescriptions.  Got home to a flooded basement!  Hopefully the plumber will come today.  Water will not go down.  Neighbor does not have problem, so do not know what is going on.  I can only take the Tylenol 3 every 6 hours.  I need it now.  Sure hope this gets resolved soon.

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Gin, I'm so sorry you are having such a lousy day.  Hope the plumber can get there today, you definitely didn't need that on top of the tooth.  You are in my thoughts and hope you feel better soon.  Hugs

Joyce

 

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35 minutes ago, Brad said:

What a nightmare.  I personally believe that those of us who are struggling with intense grief should be exempt from all of the other misery of daily life.  I am so sorry!

I can't say it any better than this, dear Gin. Sending healing thoughts and hope for peace to you 

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I realize life is just life going on and it cares nothing about our loss, but it is so hard to take it on when we often crawl thru our days as it is.  I like your idea, Brad.  Kinda like tax deductions.  If only the world would cut us a little slack while we deal with an overburdened plate as it is.  With our partners this would all feel crazy happening too at the same time, but there were 2 of us to divide and tackle.  We have can't control any of it, never could, but it was a hell of a lot easier to not be the sole problem solver.  

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Gin,

I'm so sorry!  I don't know which is worth, the miserable tooth pulling & aftermath or the plumbing situation.  I hope the plumber comes today!

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Thanks everyone. Plumber came and rodded the sewer line.  Tree roots  in front evidently invaded the pipes.  Now all I have to do is clean the basement!!  Had over 3 inches.  It took out the pilot light on the hot water heater.  Hope that will be ok.  Tooth (or lack there of) really is bad, but that is a pain that will subside.  Others will not.

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Gin, I hope you are feeling better.  Hate the flooding.  My husband's family rented his whole life so when it came time for us to buy, he was not prepared for/and did not want to take care of a house.  We woke up one morning with water covering the kitchen, washroom, living room, hall, and den.  Pipe had burst under the sink.  I put a note on refrigerator to remind him to replace other pipe under the sink.  That was 4-5 years before he passed.  I removed the note when I was moving.  I look at other people's lawns and beautifully kept up houses and wish sometimes we had been "homesteaders" but if we had of been, I might not be renting now.  My family had never rented and my dad was a Mr. Fix-It.  Billy never was, and I was not Susie Homemaker, so we teamed up just fine.  Billy's nephew's wife did all the home repairs so sometimes women can handle things by themselves.  Not me.  I hope you are on the mend, and so is your house.

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Well, my plans for today are not going very well.   I planned to mop up the basement floor and throw away some stuff.  Guess how long I lasted...20 minutes!  Maybe one of my daughters will come over and help.  If not, this will be a 2 week project.  I just do not want mold/mildew to form.  At least the pills are controlling the pain.  The water heater is working, so that is a positive.

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Gin, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with such a mess. Is there any way you could afford to hire someone to help? I know there are companies that are experts in cleaning up water in basements, and they can do it much faster than doing it yourself. 

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Thinking and praying for our dear Kay as she has her eye surgery today. :wub: 

Let us know when you are able that you are back home and beginning to heal, Kay. 

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I never remember dates or days of the week anymore, so I am glad you reminded us.  I hope that she does great.  We know, it is hard doing things alone.

When I was so ill I had family that did not even want me to get out of the lounge chair.  Wanted to drive me everywhere, wanted to do everything ffor me and I felt myself losing myself.  Well, now it is all on me, and also worrying about other family members.  I could do it just as long as I knew Billy was there.  He didn't have to be with me, but he was "there" where ever "there" was.  Now I feel totally inept at running myself around, running the family around, and it is because he is not "there."  Gin and Kay are independent women also, but none of us really want to be.  Wanted to be independent as long as Billy was "there."  Now I have no faith in anything I do.  

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Had the surgery yesterday.  He said it'd take about two weeks to heal, the hardest through Sunday, although the medicine makes it feel scratchy/uncomfortable.  I'm used to that as the cyst felt that way for seven years.  

He wasn't able to get everything as there is scar tissue deeply embedded in the eye, but he got what he could and it remains to be seen if it grows back.  It's sent off to pathology for testing although he did say earlier he thought it was benign.  My friend Jim took care of me, was wonderful.  He even paid for my Rx when my card was declined.  (The bank later said the pharmacy needed to update their software, nothing wrong with my card and they should have tried it manually).  Recuperating...

Gin, I'm sorry to hear about your mess...AND your pain.  I hope things start going better for you and that the kids come offer some help.  I updated my son last night but couldn't reach my daughter.

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