If You're Going Through Hell

[Margm]

She has 5 more weeks of this chemo.  It makes her bones hurt terribly.  Steroids would help, but they give her seizures and she sure does not need that.  Her hair is growing back in, but it is time for another course the 8th, so she will lose it again.  

We all worry about our kids, no matter how old they get.  I know it is going to take some adjusting cooking for two boys.  I don't cook, so Bri does her own cooking, but cannot right now.  Also cannot really eat.  She has been subsisting on the pecan Ensure Plus I keep for breakfast's.  I think she is getting tired of that though.  I might have to cook.  Fixed her "mashed" potatoes, only I call them cream potatoes and she loves them, I use the mixer to get out any lumps.

Life sure comes with its own lumps, wish I could get them out as easy as with a mixer.  

[kayc]

12 hours ago, Marg M said:

Life sure comes with its own lumps, wish I could get them out as easy as with a mixer.  

That's a for sure!  I'm sorry she's going through so much.

[Margm]

Well, I would say I live in an honest neighborhood, and I really think I do. We have two law officers living here and also a security company employee living here. In getting my things in yesterday, can blame this only on myself, I have never done this before, not in the nearly 60 years I have been driving (not that I can remember, bless not remembering), but I left my keys in my car. Not only did I leave them in there, I left them in the turn on position. I have Toyota sending out someone to jump the car for me, no charge, although I am sure anyone around would have done it, but I got scared I might need a new battery, so I called Toyota. Sometimes it is no fun being the "man of the house."

And, the picture below is wrong, I can still think of so many stupid things to do.

[KarenK]

Marg,

Your sign fits me to a "T", especially this morning. At 2 AM, I was sitting there in my disorganized warehouse that used to be a family room, staring at all the "stuff" we accumulated over the years. My CD shelves contained over a hundred discs which I created for myself in addition to all those I purchased. Who needs all those? They can't be sold or donated, just more junk for my son to throw out when I die. It seemed like a good idea to make them at the time. I think what hurts the most is that I wasted so much time,effort and money creating them. Valuable time that I could have spent with Ron, even though he was only in the next room. That is what they remind me of now, just another guilty memory. Just one more stupid thing. So they will meet with the trash today.

When we first bought our truck, it had a quirky problem of locking itself with the truck running as soon as you shut the door. You didn't have to bother to make the mistake yourself. Although corrected, 11 years later, I still don't shut the door with it running.

[Cookie]

2 hours ago, Marg M said:

Well, I would say I live in an honest neighborhood, and I really think I do. We have two law officers living here and also a security company employee living here. In getting my things in yesterday, can blame this only on myself, I have never done this before, not in the nearly 60 years I have been driving (not that I can remember, bless not remembering), but I left my keys in my car. Not only did I leave them in there, I left them in the turn on position. I have Toyota sending out someone to jump the car for me, no charge, although I am sure anyone around would have done it, but I got scared I might need a new battery, so I called Toyota. Sometimes it is no fun being the "man of the house."

And, the picture below is wrong, I can still think of so many stupid things to do.

Hey Marg:  You made my day.  I did the exact same thing about 2 months ago, left the keys in the car in the on position.  Ended up calling AAA after asking my neighbor for help.  Should have called AAA first thing...I was so embarrassed.  The guy said it happens all the time...nice person.  Cookie

[Cookie]

18 hours ago, Marg M said:

She has 5 more weeks of this chemo.  It makes her bones hurt terribly.  Steroids would help, but they give her seizures and she sure does not need that.  Her hair is growing back in, but it is time for another course the 8th, so she will lose it again.  

We all worry about our kids, no matter how old they get.  I know it is going to take some adjusting cooking for two boys.  I don't cook, so Bri does her own cooking, but cannot right now.  Also cannot really eat.  She has been subsisting on the pecan Ensure Plus I keep for breakfast's.  I think she is getting tired of that though.  I might have to cook.  Fixed her "mashed" potatoes, only I call them cream potatoes and she loves them, I use the mixer to get out any lumps.

Life sure comes with its own lumps, wish I could get them out as easy as with a mixer.  

That is all so hard.  Feel for all of you....hugs, Cookie

[Margm]

“I am woman, hear me roar.”― Helen Reddy

That was my mama's favorite song.

So, I was waiting for this burly mechanic and along comes this tiny wisp of a girl, young, and I tell her "I don't even know how to open the hood."  No problem, this little very feminine mechanic knew what she was doing.  (She made this ole woman feel like a twit).  This is not a picture of her.  She was even smaller.  I was so proud of her and I felt like an ant on the sidewalk standing beside her.  Such a sweet thing.  

But when I let it idle it smelled sorta like motor burn and they had asked me to bring it on into Toyota (they are so good to me), and they checked it all over and Ferris Yaris was doing just fine.  I felt like I was waiting for a patient sitting in the waiting room.  They had a free drink machine, any kind of drinks and a peach or coke Icee, all kinds of coffee creamers, and of course Community Coffee.  I got a peach Icee.

[kayc]

20 hours ago, KarenK said:

When we first bought our truck, it had a quirky problem of locking itself with the truck running as soon as you shut the door.

My son's Pathfinder has done this so if we have to leave it with the motor running, we roll the window down enough to be able to get our arm through it.  

Marg, I love your 

21 hours ago, Marg M said:

And, the picture below is wrong, I can still think of so many stupid things to do.

I don't know where you found that but it's way cute!

[Cookie]

18 hours ago, Marg M said:

“I am woman, hear me roar.”― Helen Reddy

That was my mama's favorite song.

So, I was waiting for this burly mechanic and along comes this tiny wisp of a girl, young, and I tell her "I don't even know how to open the hood."  No problem, this little very feminine mechanic knew what she was doing.  (She made this ole woman feel like a twit).  This is not a picture of her.  She was even smaller.  I was so proud of her and I felt like an ant on the sidewalk standing beside her.  Such a sweet thing.  

But when I let it idle it smelled sorta like motor burn and they had asked me to bring it on into Toyota (they are so good to me), and they checked it all over and Ferris Yaris was doing just fine.  I felt like I was waiting for a patient sitting in the waiting room.  They had a free drink machine, any kind of drinks and a peach or coke Icee, all kinds of coffee creamers, and of course Community Coffee.  I got a peach Icee.

So neat having a woman mechanic.  I wish there were more of them.....

[Margm]

Billy had a good heart.  He shaved once back in the 1970's and I told him to grow the beard back, he looked naked.  He was not old.  His beard was mostly gray with some white, some dark blond in it.  He will always stay the same.  For some reason I am blocked.  I cannot talk to him.  I miss that.  I could talk to the moon and I was talking to Billy, the clouds are all hanging dark, gray and fluffy white, and I cannot talk to him.  He always was worried about getting fat (he did once), but he knew I liked tall and lanky so eventually the only fat he had was between his ears.  We looked like "Jack Spratt could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean."  I miss him.

[Widowedbysuicide]

Sorry you aren't doing too great Marg.  My communication line with hubby seems to be out of order too.

[kevin]

Marg, your Daughters chemo is quite the undertaking......Is it all chemo or some radiation later? My prayers are for her.....You are full time care giver and advocate...Good on you..

[Margm]

Kevin, she has been plagued with something called dermoid cysts since she was a teenager.  She had to have both ovaries removed because of them.  Billy had what we called lipomas, which were probably the dermoid cysts also, but his were never internal.  She had about six removed from her back, she and the doc thought they were lymph nodes and I think somehow it got them started again.  Anyhow, she developed three on her brain, one on her kidney, which ordinarily is where these type of cyst/tumors grow.  They are not cancer, but are treated as such.  She went to The Cleveland Clinic to have proton beam radiation to the ones on her brain and I do not think can have anymore so they are trying to shrink these with chemo.  I know it sounds like cancer, but they do not metastasize like cancer, she just develops new ones or the old ones grow, and they can be lethal, so she is in the fight of her life. So we are fighting tumors that are not cancer.  Billy never had anything done with his "lipomas" so they did not bother him.  Kelli has always (because of being a nurse) wanted everything examined and either removed or treated.  That might be good in some cases.  And we are very worried.  The living situation is such though that her daughter goes to school down here where her mother started her.  

[Margm]

I learned a long time ago that my training into the words of the medical dictionary were just words.  I would keep myself in an anxiety state because I would read up on the things that concerned me, or my family.  Sometimes I would get very scared.  I have not read up on my daughter's illness to any great degree, only hearing from doctors when I would be with her on visits.  Unfortunately, I did read up this morning and the tendency to have them come from birth.  I have Factor IX blood, which is the same as Queen Victoria had.  She had many children and the female were carriers of this blood disorder but the son's were the ones who would develop hemophilia and they did not pass it on, usually dying of an injury where they bled to death.  My daughter has Factor VIII, (also called von Willebrand's)  which I believe I handed down to her and she has had many illnesses with this.  She scratched a mosquito bite once and I had to keep my finger on this tiny imperfection all night because it would spurt blood without stopping.  She has to be given Vitamin K (I think it is) before any surgery.  I have had two children, numerous minor surgeries and maybe major also, but never had a bleeding problem.  Kelli cannot pass this down to any other children because of the dermoid cysts on her ovaries and having them removed.  Incidentally, they are no longer called dermoid cysts, I believe the medical name now is a "teratoma."  My Factor IX was found when I was hospitalized in 2014.  Never knew I had it and the hematologist was so excited that he had found this.  (You have to know doctors, if you have something strange, you are a celebrity to them).  A common cold or flu is just that......common.  Kelli also has diabetes (which we do not have anywhere else in the family) from a psychotropic drug she was given (agreed upon by her doctors).  My son did not develop hemophilia, which he could have had easily, but he has an X chromosome that protected him.  And, with all this medical jargon, I am getting into a world I left behind a few years ago.  

My cousin is the genealogy expert in our family and has traced us to Anne Bolyn, so the first Queen Elizabeth would be in our ancestry also.  Anyhow, she cannot trace any of our ancestors that would have handed these maladies down, so perhaps I am lucky to have lived so long, but somehow, sometimes, do not feel lucky.  

Sorry for the long treatise of our medical history, but I have plenty to worry about, as do we all.  It seems strange that something as simple as a "teratoma" would be so life threatening, but my daughter has not had an easy life having inherited my genes as well as two grandmother's, one grandfather's mental genes.  

[kevin]

The word Cranial always gets my attention...not being Cancerous is great but what a  condition......my God

[iPraiseHim]

10 hours ago, Marg M said:

...  Kelli cannot pass this down to any other children because of the dermoid cysts on her ovaries and having them removed.  Incidentally, they are no longer called dermoid cysts, I believe the medical name now is a "teratoma."  My Factor IX was found when I was hospitalized in 2014.  Never knew I had it and the hematologist was so excited that he had found this.  (You have to know doctors, if you have something strange, you are a celebrity to them).  A common cold or flu is just that......common.  Kelli also has diabetes (which we do not have anywhere else in the family) from a psychotropic drug she was given (agreed upon by her doctors). 

Marg M,

Your mention of Diabetes and Kelli's other condition reminds me... Have you heard about the LCHF (KETO) food plan?  The medical doctors and scientists are getting some good results with this.  Google search it.  It  can reduce and normalize blood sugar in Type 2 Diabetes patients. - Shalom, George

[Margm]

I will copy this and send it to Kelli.  She and her partner both have diabetes.  The chemo plays havoc with it.  Thank you.  

[iPraiseHim]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h8flPnOQ84

[Margm]

Just a note.  Kelli had her 2nd injection of the new chemo.  It makes her terribly sick, throwing up and she loses her hair all over again, but by MRI the tumors, that are no longer called dermoid, they call them teratomas, they have shrunk down so much she might not need six months of the chemo.  

I very seldom have a song on my mind, but this morning I had a hymn playing over and over in my mind.  For no reason.  I very seldom sing or hum hymns.  Actually, very seldom listen to music much anyhow.

"Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
I'm tired, I'm weak, I'm lone
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home"

Kinda scared me.  Not sure if it meant I was coming or going.  Maybe Billy was talking to me.  Don't know what, but know I am over the moon happy that the chemo is working and she is being followed by the best neurosurgeon.  He was going to be the one to operate on Billy's aneurysm.  

 

[MartyT]

Good news, dear Marg, and we are grateful ♥

[kevin]

After hearing what Kelly is going through(and as it appears , successes), I give thanks for my lesser Valleys.....Wishing the best...

[Gin]

Marg,

Good news at last.  

[Margm]

It really bothered me that I had left my keys in the car in the on position.  I am so careful with my purse, glasses, keys, cell phone, and have a certain place they have to be.  I get so scared when they are not in the place they are supposed to be.  You see, I have two more pair of the pants coming in with the big pockets.  That makes about 14 pair (I have worn some of them out).  I never wear any kind but this kind because I can sleep in them, wear them out every day, put a nice blouse and flats with them and go to church (which I need to do bad).  Go ahead and laugh.  I have to make it simple.  

Anyhow, I wanted to check the mileage from here to Hot Springs and I had forgot to look.  So, I had to have the car turned on to do this.  And, I just plain forgot them, had to unpack the car, etc.

Okay, the best part of this is ...............I remembered why I had left them in the car.  At my age, in the state of panic my mind has been in lately, remembering is a big accomplishment.  

To add to my little problems Brianna has a dry socket to one of the wisdom teeth sockets.  She really gets cranky when she hurts.  And, I don't like my kids or grandkids to hurt.  

[Widowedbysuicide]

Sorry your Granddaughter hurts, not nice with everything else for her and you.

Keys are a dirty word for me.  I think maybe they have the same magnetic field as me because the seem to be as far away from me as they can possibly get.

It's almost Friday!  Not that it means much anymore.  Anyway, take care.

[KarenK]

Great news about Kelli, Marg. What a relief! So sorry for little Bri. Dry sockets are no fun.

Robert is seeing a physical therapist for his hip pain. She may have figured out what the problem is. He injured his back last year with the simple act of throwing a ball to his dog when he twisted wrong. It seems that also knocked his pelvis out of whack by an inch which is causing pressure. She had him lay flat and pulled hard 3 times on his leg until something popped. He's going for therapy twice a week and doing required exercises each day. We are almost through moving all the heavy items so he won't be doing any more heavy lifting. Just a bad time to have to move all this stuff. He's sure hoping to be able to work again. When he picked up his final paycheck today, the manager said she would hire him back in a heartbeat as soon as he is able to work, so that is a bit of good news.