Margm Posted June 9, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2017 6 hours ago, KarenK said: a bit of good news. And, just a bit of good news is what we all need ever so often. Good luck Karen. Our families provide so much just by being time consuming and requiring so much attention that sometimes the word "grief" is not the "word of the day." Survive is a word too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 9, 2017 Report Share Posted June 9, 2017 Marg, Dry sockets are the pits, that's awful. Can't wait for Bri to get all of her teeth problems taken care of and Kelli to get through all of her treatments and side effects. Dear lady, you are going through so much it's a wonder you don't misplace your CAR, not just the keys! I understand that song going through your mind, you must relate to the words right now. Karen, I am so glad to hear your son's news! That she may have figured out what is wrong with him is a huge start! When something popped, I hope it helped! An INCH is a LOT to be off! I am also glad to hear his job would take him back in a heartbeat, oh how I pray this is able to happen. I'm glad the heavy lifting is done too! I feel relieved that the three of you are there to help each other, sometimes it leans one way and sometimes another, but we all need each other. I have some news as well. My daughter has been going through so much this year with losing her baby, then her husband, then her best friend betraying her like she did and not being there for her. Well her and her friend talked and she said her friend is going through hell in her own life and that's why she hasn't been there for her. As her mother, I still grumbled inwardly because my daughter has ALWAYS been there for her friend. Well I guess different people are there for others in different ways. Melissa's phone has been acting up the last few months, she doesn't get all her texts, even phone calls not coming through. Last night I found out Kate bought her a new iPhone and iPad! Who does that! I felt like crying when I found out. This will be a big help to Melissa as she needs to be able to rely on her phone so she can pick up business and make appts. etc. But the biggest part of that is the encouragement that comes with that gesture. Kate said she did it so Melissa can sell things on line and enhance her income. Never judge, not even on your kid's behalf! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 9, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2017 41 minutes ago, kayc said: Never judge, not even on your kid's behalf! Kay, you are a good woman. How often do I judge on my middle aged children's and my grandchild's behalf. This healthcare situation is so different in each state, and honestly, I don't have healthcare problems because I don't go. I have tried to establish myself here in my hometown, but somehow I am going to have to give a little to just have a healthcare provider that I don't think I am smarter than. I do not have a prescription pad, thank goodness. If I need a doctor I still go to my AR nurse practitioner. I did have all my records sent to a clinic here in town. Have had occasion to go to the ER when I fell once and cannot praise them enough, fast and efficient. I told my daughter that they were no longer called dermoid cysts/tumors, they are now called teratomas. Her doctor asked her how she knew that and she said Dr. Mims told her. She told him that I had been a transcriptionist for nearly 50 years (it was just 43), and he said "well, I'll bet she does know as much as most of our physicians know and she covers all specialties." I finally did read about Kelli's problem and Bri's dry sockets also, but I broke myself from reading Web MD,, Mayo Clinic and all the other health sites a long time ago. I did not read up on Billy's illness because of guilt. When given the diagnosis, I noticed things I should have seen a long time before he passed. I slept with this man every night and did not notice any changes except what I believed was natural aging, on both our parts. My colon rupture and sepsis had been a miracle to come out of and I did not want to read up on all this. I do not know the words exactly, but Mark Twain said "do not read health books, you might die of a misprint." And again, I am not looking this verse in the Bible up, but I can hear my mama saying "do not lean onto your own understanding." I know there is more to that one, but not going to look for it. I hope all our families heal, because losing a mother, father, husband, sibling, a child, they all have their own set of consequences in the grief process. And Gwen, whatever people say about this, I think God invented Xanax for a reason. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 9, 2017 Report Share Posted June 9, 2017 4 hours ago, Marg M said: I hope all our families heal, because losing a mother, father, husband, sibling, a child, they all have their own set of consequences in the grief process. And Gwen, whatever people say about this, I think God invented Xanax for a reason. Xanax is great stuff, I just wish it could help me find a reason to go on without Steve. Your backwoods trip to leave this world is now consuming my thoughts. I scare myself finding this side of me I never knew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 9, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2017 Nope Gwen, my backwoods trip was wrong. Let me tell you what I have been through with my kids. My drug taking bipolar son, I fought keeping tabs on him constantly because he had told me he did not want to live. He had lost both kids through divorce and his foray into drugs, into the drug world was terrifying. I came to his friend's house and I found him laying on a futon mattress with roaches crawling all over him and he looked like a skeleton. I finally decided I could not take it anymore and went on a camping vacation into the Gila Wilderness. The forestry service found us. He had tried to collect on a drug debt for mob related debt. I didn't know he was in this "mob" and that is as far as I can go with that. The police would not even let me have his glasses. He was in ICU and had coded twice, but he was only shot in the leg. At my hospital (no cell phones then) so I would stop and call my girls in the office. It hit the femoral artery and he tied off his leg with his coat. Friends and family donated blood and it took a lot of it to save this life that he would have given up so easy. Then my daughter, bipolar also. I visited her psychiatrist at an upper floor in my hospital. I told him I was so worried she was going to commit suicide. He looked me straight in the face and said "If she is determined to do it there is nothing you can do." Not this mama, I was going to fight this if I never slept again. Ironically, this very psychiatrist committed suicide not a year later. I guess he knew himself. I know some of you feel you are alone, and by losing that most important person in our life, we are alone. I stay in a quandary all the time worrying about my family, and believe me, I have one crazy family. What can I expect with me as a mother, but somehow or other, despite all my chronic lifelong depression, I never knew I wanted to live so bad as when I had cancer. So, I have dealt with the suicide portion of life, all my life. Gwen, I still think there is some reason to keep living, and I pray (yes my mustard seed faith) that you find a reason and soon. I have no answers, you do have a counselor, and I know that I for one would miss you terribly if you took up my backwoods idea, and would have another guilt added to my already tired brain. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 9, 2017 Report Share Posted June 9, 2017 Marg, I know the toll of your family depending on you is very hard. I have no one in my life, just my dogs and they do not come close to the void I feelmgrowing without Steve. Right now trying to set up a medic alert I have lost my phone line. It just never ends the things I do that intensify this torturous solitary existence. Back to calling to phone company to try and fix what another company screwed up. I wouldn't be in this mess if he were here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 9, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2017 I called the credit union that financed our RV. They take the money out of my credit union as payment. There are still $16,000 owed on this RV. Of course I am never late, but I told them today (I have written them a change of address), but even after telling them on the phone, they wanted me to write it with my driver's license picture. I told them the one who purchased the RV had passed away 10/17/2015. I also told them I would pay for it as long as I lived, but I guaranteed them they would not get anywhere near $16,000 for that piece of "stuff". I also told them that when I left there would be no estate to take the money from and they might get $5,000 for the RV, if I left real fast. Someone put the picture of a dog that was 15-18 years old that his owner had passed away and the pup just did not understand. So, you might say "just my dogs" but you make up their life. So, you do have something that depends on you. When I was making my decision to go to the woods, I was thinking of nothing but myself and following Billy. But you see, we all have something or someone that depends on us. You are important. I am important. All the people on here are important. And yes, you would be in all kinds of fixes with or without him. Sharing makes it easier. Life is not easy. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 10, 2017 Report Share Posted June 10, 2017 22 hours ago, Marg M said: 23 hours ago, kayc said: Never judge, not even on your kid's behalf! Kay, you are a good woman. How often do I judge on my middle aged children's and my grandchild's behalf. I was talking to myself I think. It's human to come to our kid's defense, we're like mother bears! But I do remember a Bill Gothard seminar years ago about "taking up an offense". 14 hours ago, Marg M said: Someone put the picture of a dog that was 15-18 years old that his owner had passed away and the pup just did not understand. It breaks my heart to think of that, my animals are total incentive for me to stay alive! I don't want their lives ruined by losing me, by losing the home they love. I don't ever want them to feel lost and heartbroken. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 10, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2017 I knew we had gone too far in enabling our kids. We both knew it, but we both said if we had to do it all over again, we would do things the same way. So, we never "learned" and we never did like the animals and birds, we never pushed them out of the nest. There was an old saying "How will they learn to walk if their feet never hit the floor" and that resonated with me over the years, but I just could not gently push them away. Neither could Billy. You pay for what you get. We paid, I still pay. Not fair to them for when I am gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 12, 2017 Report Share Posted June 12, 2017 I have a very hard time with mammograms. Once I almost passed out. A few years ago, Al had a lump and had to get a mammogram. It was gynecomastia. I remember warning him how much it was going to hurt! It was a piece of cake for him. I liked his technician and always ask for her. Today, the first thing she said was, "how is your husband"? It turns out that her husband had died also. Life is so hard for so many! She recommended that I should get a dog. I was planning on that. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 15, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2017 Why do I not want Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD to retire? Well, I don't know really if his feet have been raked over the coals, I don't know how much loss in his life he has had, but I will tell you that the man can talk to me anytime. I won't go into all he says today, but I will repeat his end of page quote. His own. "Just like the scars on my body, the scars in my heart tell the stories of my life. I choose scars over an unscarred, loveless life." ADW (I don't like scars anywhere, but if you live long enough, guess your gonna have them dammit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted June 15, 2017 Report Share Posted June 15, 2017 And the beat goes on............On Monday,we headed to the mall to return my son's cable box. Just as we turned into the parking lot, the Jeep died and wouldn't restart. I called AAA and had it dropped off at my mechanic. Wouldn't you know it. The computer failed to the tune of $1700 for a replacement. For the first time in my life, I had to ask the mechanic to repair it and hold it until Robert's house sells. I am just flat broke trying to pay all the expenses of two houses. On a brighter note with fingers crossed...........We finished the horrendous job of moving everything out,ripping out carpet, and cleaning up his place. The realtor took pictures and listed it yesterday. She texted this morning and already has three prospective buyers at the asking price. Someone will definitely make a profit from it, so I hope all goes smoothly and rapidly. Please wish us luck. My stupid jaw infection is back. Just can't keep it gone until these teeth are removed by an oral surgeon(which I can't afford and don't want). My dentist is out of town, but my PCP wrote an antibiotic for me. Don't need this chipmunk face or the pain right now. In twelve days, I will again relive the horror of my Debbie's death. I will try to be too busy to dwell on it. Just my rant for the day................ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 15, 2017 Report Share Posted June 15, 2017 Dear @KarenK I am sorry about the anniversary you have coming up. Your life is filled with too much going on at once and your body is betraying you. ? Hugs and prayers for bringing you some relief from your teeth and for some comfort for your breaking heart. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 15, 2017 Report Share Posted June 15, 2017 Holding you in my heart, dear Karen, and lifting you up in my prayers. So grateful for the good news about Robert's house. Fingers and toes are crossed. ♥ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 16, 2017 Report Share Posted June 16, 2017 Karen, I'm sorry about your teeth infection. It's really hard to go through something like this and not be able to pay for it. I'm going through a lot of medical issues right now, some related to the fall I took over two weeks ago, another a suspicious mole that could be cancerous, it meets the criteria. I got a blow last night, I found out my health insurance deductibles, copays, etc. all changed when I took social security, the Federal Exchange told me nothing would change but the premium, I specifically asked them. I feel angry about their misinformation! Not only that, but the eye surgery I had in March won't apply to the deductible because the exchange makes you "reapply" when you have a "life change" (social security), starting your deductible over! They'd told me it wouldn't since I was keeping the same plan. So now instead of needing to cough up $250 I could potentially need to cough up $2,500! Fine if you have it, I don't. I hope Robert's house sells and eases some of the burden on you! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted June 17, 2017 Report Share Posted June 17, 2017 12 hours ago, kayc said: Karen, I'm sorry about your teeth infection. It's really hard to go through something like this and not be able to pay for it. I'm going through a lot of medical issues right now, some related to the fall I took over two weeks ago, another a suspicious mole that could be cancerous, it meets the criteria. I got a blow last night, I found out my health insurance deductibles, copays, etc. all changed when I took social security, the Federal Exchange told me nothing would change but the premium, I specifically asked them. I feel angry about their misinformation! Not only that, but the eye surgery I had in March won't apply to the deductible because the exchange makes you "reapply" when you have a "life change" (social security), starting your deductible over! They'd told me it wouldn't since I was keeping the same plan. So now instead of needing to cough up $250 I could potentially need to cough up $2,500! Fine if you have it, I don't. I hope Robert's house sells and eases some of the burden on you! Isn't ObamaCare great!.... not. My deductible is $6,500. I can not afford to go to the doctor. I need to get my eyes examined but afraid they will find cataracts. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveM Posted June 17, 2017 Report Share Posted June 17, 2017 Marg, It has been some time since I last posted here, but I visit every day, and try to read all the new posts. I come to this, your topic because lately I AM going through Hell. With my only reconnecting with Dana last May, and mostly being with her by phone and email, my anniversaries are different than most folks here. I found her last May on Linked In after 32 years since we last spoke. So May 6, the day she responded to my message through Linked In, was an anniversary for me. Our (old) love was so new, we spent no holidays together. Not Memorial Day, not July 4th, not Labor Day, not Thanksgiving. And she was gone by Christmas. This week a year ago she flew from Texas to NC to visit with me. We had 9 1/2 glorious days together. All the days between June 14 and 24 are an anniversary. A scant 2 weeks after she returned to Texas she fell, broke her neck, and in the resultant nerve reactions, she chewed her tongue flat on either side. This started her downhill slide, as she could no longer chew. So good memories right now, but the dread of July 8 going forward. And more Hell. Like (it seems) most of us on here, there can be no real understanding between 'us' and 'them.' So for the most part, we suffer the worst alone. And we all have piled-on issues as well. In my case I have a disabled son who lives with me. His are mental issues. I had to involuntarily commit him June 8 because after 11 years he decided he no longer needed to take his medicine, and had a breakdown. Just got him out yesterday, and as can be expected, he is not happy with me. His mother and I have been divorced for 2 years, but we are still battling. The house was on the threshold of foreclosure, but the bank has just agreed to let me short sell. I like my job a lot, but we lost several folks in my department over the past several months, and I am the only knowledgeable person in my area. I am 67 and working 55+ hours a week. The divorce decree requires me to work and send support until I reach age 70. Again, I like my job, but 68% of my take-home pay is going out to Arizona. And if I keep working after 70, I will still have to send the same support. It seems like every single one of us has complications beyond grief over our loss. Some way more than others, but we all have them. Please know that I read and feel for all who post, even though I don't comment often. I will try to provide more support after the next couple of weeks. DaveM 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 17, 2017 Report Share Posted June 17, 2017 I don't blame Obamacare, it was a start, it had some problems, the premiums and deductibles got way out of hand. But I understand the intent, it's like a puzzle that if everything worked right, in a perfect world, it would have worked. But there are problems and we struggle to get the pieces to fit. I wish instead of abolishing it they could work on fixing it, but that's my way of looking at it, I know a lot of people see it differently. It's too big for you and me to figure out. Canada seems to have made it work except even they have problems, too long a wait, limits, etc. But at least they don't pay a fortune (except in their taxes). Denmark worked well but also high taxes. Sigh... To find my "out of pocket" is $7500 instead of $2000, cheapest Rx is $20 instead of $10, Doctor copay $25 instead of $10, deductible $2000 instead of $750, it was a SHOCK! Lab, Xrays, MRIs, everything goes against "deductible" so nothing is covered. Basically I try to avoid the doctor, can't afford it. I have knee injuries due to my fall 2 1/2 weeks ago, neck too, can't get it checked out, will wait for Medicare. But will give my update in positives... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 17, 2017 Report Share Posted June 17, 2017 @kayc I am very good at avoiding seeking medical care. I wish you would be able to see a doctor to have your fall injuries checked out. It's terrible enough to be alone and injured or unwell but the added stress of the lack of affordability of care just adds I shot to inury. Literally. I know for myself that I wonder what Gord would say if he was here. Do take care friend. ? I'm fortunate to be in Canada for the coverage we have but as you mentioned the wait times for many tests and procedures is exceedingly long. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 17, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2017 23 minutes ago, Widowedbysuicide said: added stress of the lack of affordability of care just adds I shot to inury If the "soap box" would still hold me up, I would be on it. I'm not kidding about all I learned at a teaching hospital, a charity state operated system, for so many years. Things I could not understand, watching some of my "boss" doctors getting so excited because they had a charcot foot in the ER. Something strange to teach the young residents. A teaching hospital in a poverty ridden state is a place to really learn. Of course the oddity cases too. I will never understand why that man fell off the commode onto a coat hanger. But now, Jindal killed our charity system, and there are a lot of people out there now that are definitely going to die because they have no where to go. When did we, as people of concern, get so rich that we could turn away someone who lived so far back in the swamps, someone who only heard by word of mouth that there was a place they could get medical care. Now they cannot. Many, many will die off. One belief that came out of those swamps so many miles away was that alligator dung was a good form of birth control. I have to believe that it would be certainly if the male knew ahead of time. You all do not know how certain I am, how much I do know of the many people that are going to die without our state run charity hospital system. The Catholic Hospital I worked for also was supposed to be a charity system. I remember one year we missed our "step increase" but the CEO still got his one million dollar one time gift. How many step increases would that have funded? This was the same CEO of this wonderful "charity" hospital that held meetings with all of us once a year. He said "we will investigate each patient and we will find out, if they have one acre of land somewhere, they will pay for their medical care." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 18, 2017 Report Share Posted June 18, 2017 I don't know why, but things keep hitting relentlessly. Yesterday I lost my doctor. I only see him every 3 months so I was totally blindsided. It was emotional for us both, crying and hugs, but I lost a 27 year relationship that feels like a sudden death. Have to start over with a new person. He knew me so well. He explained to me why (he had expected to be in practice another 4 to 5 years) but his parents and wife need him now plus he has an admin job at the hospital. He couldn't do both. I totally respect that. But I feel adrift, in shock and alone. The thought of starting over with my very complicated conditions is a scary thing. My doc wasn't hot on specialists and saved me many unneeded tests. He wanted to get to the root of things treating me as a whole person. I can only hope the new guy will provide that, but it won't be til August he is aboard. Til then it's the nurse practioners. I went out to run Steve's van to keep the battery charged and it is dead. Have roadside assistance coming tomorrow to determine if its the battery and hopefully replace it. SO hoping it doesn't have to go into the shop. Our singing Audobon clock died. Had to order another from Amazon. I miss hearing the bird sounds. Small thing but they add up. I never see it to tell time, but the bird songs reminded me it was time for the many meds I take. Plus, I was a gift from him. Last week was a lot of technical problems and I still have to take my computer in for repair from a MS update that messed up my monitor. My dog got very ill and it got me thinking of how hard it will be (she is 12) when she leaves as she is the last link with the family Steve and I had. I'm so worn out doing everything. Steve would have handled the technical problems and his car. I now have a medic alert button instead and it doesn't do anything he did and reminds me of how alone I am now. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 18, 2017 Report Share Posted June 18, 2017 Gwen, It is so hard to switch doctors after many years. I expect mine will be leaving soon since he is at least 68. And all those things that we now have to do alone. I was trying to get rid of some of Al's tools, but only one friend came. The other one never got back to me. What brand of Alert Button did you get? My brother said he has a paper comparing them but I will not see him for a few weeks. It is very interesting that all I wanted at first was to be with Al. Now I am afraid and want an alert button and care about my doctor. Strange. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted June 18, 2017 Report Share Posted June 18, 2017 Gwen, I'm so sorry that everything is hitting at once. That seems to be the way of things now, doesn't it? Or maybe it always was but we didn't notice because there was always another person to share the responsibility with. Hope you are able to find a new doctor that you like and trust. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 18, 2017 Report Share Posted June 18, 2017 Gin, I got a Phillips Lifeline Medical Alert system. The pendant (or you can get a wrist model) was about $25. The monitoring is $40 a month because it is WIFI, think it is cheaper as a plain analog model. Check out Amazon, that's where I found it. There may be other options cheaper too, I just wanted it done and over with. I wish it made me feel better, but it doesn't. It's a 'something' needed because Steve is gone. I don't wear it. I keep it in the living room where I spend most my time. Just can't bring myself to wear it right now, it's kinda a morbid reminder. Karen, you are right. Everything that has happened is just life. We'd just be marveling the coincidence of it all in clumps. They didn't feel like chores, they felt like challenges and then accomplishments. Rewarding, not daunting. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 18, 2017 Report Share Posted June 18, 2017 20 hours ago, Marg M said: Things I could not understand, watching some of my "boss" doctors getting so excited because they had a charcot foot in the ER I hadn't heard of that so had to look it up. The pictures are enough to scare any Diabetic into "being good"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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