my grandma died in 2010 but it still hurts like it is still happening

[BERTA'S BABY]

i am hurting emotionally. 

my grandma made me feel special and wonderful

i prayed to god that nothing would ever happen to her

then she came down with stage 4 small cell lung cancer

i felt like the world put a wedge between my grandma and i

it kept getting wider as the cancer progressed and then on the morning  Sept 8 at 3:42  her heart wasn't beating she died 

i was officially alone and homeless

can some one help me get past the hurt and emotional pain

[kayc]

I am sorry you are hurting from the loss of your grandma.  Hopefully Marty will be along shortly with some helps, sometimes it takes a while, but eventually we respond!  

You don't say how old you are, if you've seen a grief counselor, or if your grandma was in a parental role with you.

I do hope you will get some help with a counselor specially trained in grief, you've carried this alone too long!

 

[Sweetwater]

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your Grandma, and your pain.  Losing someone is a lifelong loss, and truly, the pain never goes away... but what does happen is you learn to live it, and then eventually love the beautiful memories and find you are able to smile when you think of your loved one.  This does not happen overnight, and we all grieve and heal differently.  My recommendation is that you seek grief counseling.  I found a group at my church and it helped enormously... in fact, I ended up helping others with my thinking and behaviors.  You can also see a counsellor... do whatever you need to do to help you through this pain, because it does get better, I promise, but YOU have to do something to drive it.  Please also know that Grandma would not want you suffering to this degree,... I don't know how old you are but the mere fact you still had a grandma leads me to believe you are young enough to still have a beautiful life ahead of you.  One of my learnings is that my Mom, who I lost, is indeed my angel.  I wake up everyday and know she is with me... and you could feel that as well, but you must get through the first phase of the intense pain.  Please  help yourself... Grandma would want you to.  My very best to you.

[MartyT]

Dear one, I don't know what if any support you have around you at this sad and challenging time.

Can you say more about the wedge that came between you and your grandmother that got wider as her illness progressed?

You say that you were "officially alone and homeless," but I'm not sure what you mean by that.

You ask if someone can help you get past the hurt and emotional pain. Was your grandmother on a hospice service when she died? If so, as a family member you would have access to bereavement support (at no cost to you) for up to 13 months following the death. Clearly you are in need of some sort of in-person, face-to-face bereavement support, in addition to the warmth, compassion and caring you will find among the wonderful people here. You deserve it, and I hope for your sake that you will let no more time go by before you reach out for it and find it.

You might find this helpful: Finding Grief Support That Is Right For You