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I feel like I'm on restriction...it's very irritating. But you are right-I could try reading-I just got my first reading glasses. I had to get prescription ones since the OTC ones don't work because my eyes are so different. I've only had them a few days and haver been going around saying,"I can read this-I can read that-I can read the newspaper INDOORS-I can even read the small stuff on my cellphone. But I haven't actually sat down with an actual book to read it. I've been so busy faking it for the past few years...

I suppose maybe I should just enjoy lying around watching Netflix videos and try not to feel guilty. But I do feel like I should be working on my big project and not lying around goofing off. She did tell me I shouldn't be engaged in stressful activities-dragging and sorting stuff is definitely in that category... I do have some nice flowers booming-perhaps I should paint some flowers...she didn't tell me not to paint...a week of purposefully lying around doing very little seems like an agony at this point...

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I think painting is just the ticket!  It's obviously enjoyable to you, which is stress-relieving, which your body could definitely use right now.  Maybe this is God's way of getting you to take some time for YOU!  Some of us have to be forced to because we're used to going, going, going.  I've worked on learning balance and self care since I retired, it seems I neglected myself all the years I was raising a family and working.

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I feel like I should be working. This was the plan that as soon as I finished the semester I was going to start working really hard on this big mess. But instead, the semester is over has instead of working hard I am hardly able to work!

Nevertheless, I had a new idea. I asked my friend Greg if he would help me. He lives in Flagstaff and does a little camera work in the film industry. In the winter he teaches skiing...he says they barely pay him enough to drive up to the ski resort to do it, but now it is summer and there is no snow and no movies. I asked him if he would help me to clear things out, and I think he will. I can't do this by myself and it seems like just paying everyone who is helping me $15/hour out of the estate funds is the best way to get the work done so that I can stop paying my dad's mortgage and get out of here. I need some people that I can trust who can get some stuff done.

Greg is coming over today to help for a few hours. After he goes, I'll try painting the delphinium...

 

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Greg came over and helped-that was great. I noticed while we were walking around looking at stuff that my head hurts whenever I bend over or squat to pick up something. And I am dropping things all the time. He kept telling me stuff like, "No, don't do that-I'll pick it up." We walked out to the car to get some items he is going to return to the library for me, and he said, "you shouldn't be walking nearly that fast". This is really bizarre to be so nonfunctional. And my speech is just not right. Sometimes I have to really struggle to organize what I am saying, and sometimes odd things come out. We were looking at something for something in my dad's car and I looked in the backseat and said, "Oh yeah, it's in the backyard!" Uh-huh, right behind the front seat is the backyard...

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Oh Laura, this is serious!  When do they have you scheduled for the MRI?

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They can't get me in until next Friday. Greg offered to come down to Sedona and drive me to get the MRI's if I need him to, which is really nice. I would have never asked him-   because he lives an hour away. I told him that I always figure that I am all alone and have to do everything myself. He said, "No...you're not." He was very sweet to me today. It was very nice to have someone taking care of me.

My friend who is a psychiatrist says that I have concussion syndrome. I'm thinking that I should drop my ceramics class. I don't see how I'm going to haul around that clay, which comes in a 25-pound bag, stand on my feet on a cement floor, etc. Also, I think that in a summer like this, doing ceramics means it is less likely that I will have time to paint watercolors and enjoy my beloved flowers by painting them.

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Keep track of whatever this accident has cost you, even having to drop your ceramics class, paying your friend to do what you cannot because of your injury.  The insurance should reimburse you, it's worth a try.  It does add up!  I know they pay for lost wages due to injuries/accidents.

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Thank you! The attorney told me that as well, and it hadn't occurred to me. So I have a spreadsheet going...two actually. One for things with clear dollar amounts and another with hard to calculate values like not being able to take ceramics class, cannot drive to rehearsals in Jerome and drive to Flagstaff to play with a friend, etc.

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Well you paid for the ceramics class, right?  So whatever you lose in fees they should reimburse you for.  I'm not sure how they calculate pain and suffering but the attorney should have a good idea what to ask for and what to settle for.

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I had a dream last night that my dad showed up and wanted to know what I was doing, living in his house, getting rid of his stuff, and spending his money. I told him I thought he was dead and had been cremated. He said, no, look at me-I'm right here. I think this was a little anxiety laced with denial.

When I woke up I heard him talking to me, telling me, "Sho 'nuff and no stuff- I am really dead" Thanks dad! I remember him saying "Sho 'nuff and no stuff"...when he was young and frisky...I hadn't thought about that in a long time.

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32 minutes ago, kayc said:

Well you paid for the ceramics class, right?  So whatever you lose in fees they should reimburse you for.  I'm not sure how they calculate pain and suffering but the attorney should have a good idea what to ask for and what to settle for.

The summer hasn't quite started, so I'll get the tuition back-or can apply it towards fall semester. It's more like the pain and suffering part that they figure...you know, that it's upsetting to have to cancel something that you had planned on. It's not a huge big deal.

On the other hand, if they tell me that I cannot go to Hawaii in a few weeks like I've been planning, I'll be beside myself and it will be a mega-big-deal for me and my two friends that are going with me. I'm trying to not panic. Anyway, by then, my regular doc-the one who told me I was fine and should just go home-will be back. Also, it wont be like the trip I did last year where I went alone-I'll have my friend Bonita and her husband Tom with me. Bonita is the sweetest warmest person you could imagine, but also an attentive bossy little fuss-budget. If I'm still having problems, she'll sure to let me know not to do it, and have her husband, Mr. Mellow, do it or carry it or whatever. I'll be well looked after. And according to my psychiatrist friend, there is no conclusive research about the effects of flying and the related pressure changes on the post concussive brain. I'm trying to not worry about Maui...I really need to go. When I booked it a year I was afraid it might be iffy due to my dad's declining condition, but it turns out that's not the problem...

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I hope you get to go...but I hope you listen to your doctor if he puts the skids on it.  I just want you to get better...and not worse.

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Laura, I'm not a doctor nor acted like one but I have known a few people with concussions and your symptoms are similar.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to live in today and what life has thrown you.  It sounds like your  body needs a rest. let the doctors run their tests and listen to the treatment plan.  Your plans may need to be altered so you can take care of your health. 

Years ago, I had a concussion from a car accident that wasn't diagnosed for three months.  I was going to college and working part-time at Sears as a tire/battery installer and general mechanic.  I started having headaches and dropping my tools for no  apparent reason.  The doctor ordered several chiropractor treatments that the insurance company paid for. One vertebrae when it went  out, it felt like I was being stabbed in the back. 

You can recover but please get it checked out and diagnosed to save you from years of needless pain and discouragement.  Please, take care of yourself as well as you would your Dad.  That's a way to honor his memory.  I'll be praying for your healing and restoration.  Shalom - George   

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Thank you, George! that is very nice. I will be praying to go to Hawaii...which requires that I heal and not act like a maniac. I think I should get up tomorrow and get to work on the garage, but even on a good day it's about impossible to do alone, for emotional, attentional and physical reasons. It would probably be good to stay here and paint flowers. Thanks so much for your concern and suggestions. I need to go to Hawaii so that I can do this...- Laura 

IMG_9972.jpgIMG_9891.jpg

 

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I think maybe I'm going to be ok...I was so freaked out about having to go through all of my dad's and all of my own stuff, but I had to wait until the end of the semester. And then I almost made it until the end of the semester and got my brains scrambled by this car accident. It has been very hard to stay home and relax when I thought I was finally going to blast into doing all this sorting and moving. Before I just couldn't see it, and then I did see it and was terrified because I didn't think I had enough help, and then I got totally flipped out because my brains got scrambled and I feared that maybe I wouldn't be able to do it at all. But now I feel the effects of the concussion lessening somewhat, I have more help, and I'm beginning to feel more optimistic. I think maybe I'm really going to get through it...    =^. .^=

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Just wait until the results of the MRI before doing anything physical and taxing.  

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Physical and taxing...I'm not sure what that even means. It's just my tendency to push myself. Since the accident I have been too tired to do much, but now I am ready to get to work and get some stuff done. It's been so frustrating and frightening to watch the mess at both my father's house and my own stay in about the same mess with such slow progress. I have just got to be back in my own house with things relatively under control by the end of the summer. I'm getting better from the head injury and chomping at the bit. 

But I'll have supervision over the next four days- one of my friends is coming every day this week to help me, and I'll tell them what you said. I tend to have the mindset that I can -and should-be always able to handle everything by myself- and if I don't handle it myself, I'm in trouble because no one will help me. But that's not really true. I was amazed when Greg was here last Friday-he kept telling me to stop doing whatever, saying, "I'll do that". Bonita is the same way, and the others. I find it rather startling that my friends really do care about me. I like to think I have a good self-awareness and insight, but maybe I don't.  Each of them seems to be more objective about me than I am. 

Anyway, I am trying very hard to be careful because this trip to Hawaii is coming up in two weeks, and I have to go! If I mess that up by being reckless, I won't be able to bear it...

So, do you think I'll have the results of the MRI right away and can just...oh, never mind...

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Physical and taxing...probably pretty much anything you'd normally do. :)  Cleaning house, riding a bike, lifting anything heavy, going, going, going!  You can paint, you can read, but if you get too carried away...don't make me come and find you!  :ph34r:

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Thanks-I need the reminders! Today Bonita and Greg are both coming and so we ought to be able to get a lot done with me doing very little. They are both rather good at managing me. It's hard to admit that I need supervision because my impulses take me as far as I can go. I already have a headache from doing very little-making sun tea, packing the car with empty boxes to take to the other house, and repotting the pansies & cleaning up scattered dirt from a Javelina invasion last night. Or maybe it's just from my head almost exploding from seeing the javelinas had been here (at my dad's house where I am staying). I hope they weren't at my house as well, but I'll find out soon enough.

Also, my beloved doctor's nurse Mary called me this morning. He's gone for three weeks but is checking in, so he's onboard with the current situation. That's good-I really do love that guy-he's fantastic! (Although he has made a mistake or two over the last decade...) Anyway, Mary was calling me to check in and tell me what the doc said. She reminded me to take it easy this week. I told her I was thinking about jumping in the car after the MRI and driving over the mountain to Trader Joe's/Costco and was that ok? She said, "Uh, no, Laura-it's not ok." Just checking...

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I think I might have over-done it yesterday, having a normal day...since my head hurts from bending over again and I'm sore all over. This has come to me after a couple of hours... Hmmm...I think maybe I'm still not all here...

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I'm thinking you need to be in the hospital tied down to the bed!

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Thanks Kay and Marty! I really appreciate your support. Greg and Bonita were both here today and they for a LOT done. They brought me out a chair to the garage and I had some little boxes of stuff to sort, and was available to ask about what they should do with this and that. They filled the Mercury with boxes of stuff for Paws West, the thrift store that benefits the Humane Society, telling me that I should just drive it over there (maybe a mile) and have them unload it.

I am not good at doing so little. So, tomorrow the housekeeper is here in the morning. I am allowed to water the flowers and take the Mercury to Paws West. Other than that I am supposed to paint the Delphiniums. I'll post my painting(s) and so you'll know that I spent a good part of the day painting flowers, ok?

Thursday, Greg will be back to help/supervise, and Friday someone else is coming for four hours in the morning and I do the MRI's in the afternoon. But the results won't be back until Monday! I'll have to get through the weekend somehow...painting flowers maybe and watching Netflix...Greg and Bonita also brought down the drawers from my desk so that I can combine the contents with the stuff in my dad's desk so there is one desk's full of stuff. That would be an easy little project, don't you think? Or I could just paint the flowers...I have several colors of beautiful Hibiscus blooming...

I'm like a drug addict or alcoholic, but I don't do that stuff-I just do stuff...do do do You know that phrase "as if driven by a motor"? I am trying really hard...but it is not easy...

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Honestly, I'd be surprised they'd okay your trip, barring a miracle, and that's how I'm praying for you.  I just want you to promise to really take it easy.  I know it's not your nature (I don't like laying around either) but sometimes medical things come up that demand our attention...maybe God's way of getting us to take care of US.

I'm glad you have willing friends!

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I  really appreciate it. I am going to really take it easy. I really really really want to go to Hawaii-I can't imagine not going. I'm going to be very careful, and I am feeling much better. But Mary the nurse told me, "It's good that you're feeling better, but you still have to really take it easy until we get the MRI results back." So I guess I'll have to just hang out here at my dad's house and not do much. I'm not even supposed to be doing serious mental work, which leaves out trying to resolve some of my dad's paperwork/legal/medical issues.

It makes me feel really anxious to not be doing anything about this big project. It was so hard to complete the semester, having this hanging over my head. But I just kept telling myself that on May 26, the semester would be over and I could really let it rip and get a ton of work done. And then this woman hit me in my car on May 20. I'm having a really hard time letting go of my vision of how this was going to work out. I feel I must be out of here and back in my own house by the end of July.

But I will try really hard to relax until Friday and hope the results come back negative. Bonita and her husband Tom are going to Ohio until Monday, so she'll be back next Tuesday to help me. Greg just got a call about some possible film work in New Mexico. If they hire him, he'll be driving out there tomorrow, and won't be back until June 17. It's a feature film and he's a cameraman. He works rather intermittently, but gets paid really well when he does. So, when he gets a call he goes. I really hope for Greg's sake that he gets some real work, because he needs it. But it'll be hard for me if he's gone. I just can't see how this is going to happen...

It's very stressful because it's my problem, I'm the one who is supposed to be doing the bulk of the work, and here I am able to do about nothing! 

 

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