Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Health problems without our loved ones to help


Recommended Posts

Can ill health delay our really dealing with our grief?  Yesterday and today have shown me just how badly I have been feeling physically.  I was blaming it all on grief...being tired and not having a desire to do anything.  Perhaps it is also time for me to step away from the greyness of all the hurting.  I just know I was so tired of feeling tired...and it just seemed to not let go.  Don't get me wrong, I still have to go and sit down every so often because my energy wanes...but I know I need to build up to long stretches of taking on tasks.  Focusing at work STILL takes so much energy.  Building up my patience is going to take some time too. 

Every post I read where someone is struggling so with many other things in their life, my heart goes out to them.  Not having our partner to lean on when tough times are giving us more plates to balance than we think we can makes the struggle so much more exhausting.  I think I have been surviving in a constant state of exhaustion.  I hope that we all get to a place where we can softly settle into to the feeling of peace.

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think grief and ill health almost go together as a catch 22.

I'm sorry you're going through this, it does make it all the harder when you're all alone and don't have that partner to go through it with.

I kept going, going, going, grief or not, working, commuting 100 miles/day, and when I finally lost my job for good, my health spiraled downhill and everything clamored for my attention at once!  Sometimes we're so busy taking care of everybody/everything else, we put ourselves on ignore until all of a sudden, we can't...physical conditions clamor for our attention and say, "HEY!  Pay attention to ME!!"  It's important to give ourselves that TLC we gave our partners.

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

"That's some catch that catch 22"

It's sure not easy to care about yourself on this journey.  Lack of motivation is the biggest culprit.  It took me years to start giving a damn and now I find it somewhat  an uphill battle. Last night I went to the grocery store and bought the kind of foods that we were eating during the last four months of Kathy's life. I mean healthy stuff instead of the junk food that I gained twenty eight pounds with. I was eating "comfort food" if you know what I'm talking about. Ice cream and deserts and anything that tasted so good I would feel better about the sorrow I was in. It's not much different than alcohol if you think about it. You just can't get arrested for driving sweet. Being pro active in our cancer battle, we went to a nutritionist to find out what we could eat that might fight the disease. I lost eighteen pounds during that four months and the truth is I felt better, right up to when Kathy died.  I should have learned how much better I was treating myself back then and how much more healthy I had become. The longer you wait, the harder the job. You won't find me beating myself up over this. I was just doing the best I could with my loss. Sometimes that is the best we can do.

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is indeed a Catch 22.  My health has changed so dramatically and I often am asking the chicken or the egg question.  There are obvious signs of grief, but there are obvious maladies that have reared thier head too.  Having tried to deal with them for so long now I get very frustrated.  If 'this' goes away, would it help the depression?  That about 'that'?  All I know is that I have never spent so much time having tests, seeing doctors, going to the ER and in general feeling almost as bad physically as I do mentally.  And they are scattered all over the place.  I used to just have a primary care doc that handled everything.  Now I have him and 3 specialists that want to refer me to more.  Some things I have had for years that were well managed but now are going crazy.  It really takes what little motivation I had for my interests like volunteering away.  I try and eat healthy and do OK as a single person.  I got so sick (no pun intended) of all the medical stuff with Steve that to have it shift to me makes the delineation between mental,and physical so hard to define now.  All I know for sure is this started when he died and I can't fix that contributor.  

Guess the real question is CB anyone spell STRESS?

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You guys always seem to make me feel better...to NOT be so hard on myself for doing the best I can to look after myself.  Stephen, I know all about the comfort food and just trying to find things that made me not feel so lost and alone.  I go with my mother-in-law every Sunday to buy groceries for the week.  I buy the things I think I should, so that I have meals to eat.  But when it comes time to cook these things...I ask myself what was I thinking.  "I don't want that".   I am not at a healthy weight....but it really hasn't increased all that much in the last 18 months.  This morning I got up, again feeling rested...so I began doing some things around the house.  I was going along good until I got hungry for lunch.  Once I ate lunch, I felt tired and napped.  When I went to let the dogs out, it had gotten SO hot, there was NO WAY I was venturing out to do anything.  Is the time of the year if anything needs done outside, will have to be in the early hours.  Like Stephen said, sometimes we just do the best that we can and have to allow ourselves to be okay with that.  That is almost as much a battle as the grief itself.  So glad I have so many understanding people to turn to.

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I finished off three half gallons of a new (to me) ice cream.  I think it is sea salt caramel..  I ate them fast, because if I hadn't, someone else would have.  (That is a family joke.)  

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On ‎6‎/‎10‎/‎2016 at 2:23 AM, KarenK said:

Gin,

My regular doctor has given me 2 different kinds of inhalers. He stressed the importance of using Albuterol at least once a day. However, 2 of the possible side effects are shortness of breath and pounding heartbeats, both of which I have already, so I choose not to use them. I am a stubborn old woman. My lungs have not been right since I got the fungal pneumonia(Aspergillosis) in Kentucky in 2014. It is one of those things that kind of stays with you forever. The so called medicine for it is not covered by insurance at about $300 per month. Way out of my price range. Of course, smoking does not help. My shortness of breath happens if I do very much physical activity at all, even pushing a damn grocery cart. No doctor I have seen can explain my blood pressure rising when I lie down.

Karen,

My wife's pressure did the same thing. For her it was related to the advancing stage of Type 2 Diabetes her is a link:http://www.healthboards.com/boards/high-low-blood-pressure/844836-rising-blood-pressure-when-lying-down.html

Also about the fungal infections there are some natural treatments to heal and restore your  breathing.  check out:

www.knowthecause.com 

I had sinusitis for almost thirty years until I discovered the real cause and treatment.  Most doctors give antibiotics which is the worst thing to do.  The MAYO Clinic report in 1990 that 90 % of all sinus infections are fungal not bacterial. 

You already know what you should do about smoking.... I won't preach.  Shalom - George

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

George,

Thank you for the links. Autonomic Neuropathy is as good an explanation as any I guess except that the only symptoms I have is the rising BP and dizziness. The rising BP accompanies the pounding heartbeat which is more prevalent when those lousy thoughts come unbidden. The dizziness can happen even when I am sitting down. I think it is all related to stress which I have more than my share of.

It was decided that I got the Aspergillosis because my immune system was so compromised after Ron and Debbie died and the fact I had been there in Kentucky on a farm for three hot, humid months breathing unfamiliar air. It may be 115 in Phoenix, but it is a dry 115.  lol

Smoking is my vice. Thank you for not preaching.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, KarenK said:

Smoking is my vice. Thank you for not preaching.

Same here.  I know it is not helping my various maladies, but it is one thing that can calm me in a most volatile emotional time.  Perhaps someday, but not something to be taken on when you are stressed so tight you often feel you are going to snap.  

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...