Health problems without our loved ones to help

[Gin]

I have been having problems breathing the last few months.  Had a chest XRay and nothing looked wrong.  Next guess was allergies.  Inhaler and Allegra.  Still no better.  Now  it is a stress echocardiogram.  I am really scared and do not want to go through all the horrible medical procedures that Al did.  My doctor said to get the test at a different hospital than I am used to.  Another thing to freak out at.  I am overweight and am thinking that maybe a miracle would occur and If could lose weight, maybe the problem would go away.  Al was so brave and kept fighting to live.  He said he would go through anything if it gave us more time.  I do not have that reason with him gone.

Gin

[Guest]

So sorry Gin.  It is so scary to face these issues alone.  Since Deedo died I've had three bowel obstructions and it is so hard trying to decide what to do without my wife/medical adviser to bounce ideas off of.

I hope they find the cause because  it is so discomforting to have issues without answers.

[KarenK]

Gin,

Health problems are just another "gift" of grieving, I suppose. I have seen more doctors since Ron & Debbie left than throughout my whole life. Our bodies are just so run down and our resistance is gone. I understand well the frightened feeling of facing these things alone. Even though you may have other family or friends to stand by you, it is not the same as your soulmate. When I ended up in the hospital with fungal pneumonia after burying my daughter, my SIL brought me his laptop. I felt so alone being 1500 miles from home, but was at least able to communicate with our friends here. They helped me to retain my sanity.

Please remember that we are here for you hoping that the doctors can figure this out.

[R.Everit55]

Gin I'm sorry your facing some scary health issues.  My thoughts and prayers for answers and peace are with you.  Hugs. 

Butch

[Gin]

Thanks Brad, Karen and Butch.  I know we all face these unknowns and no one likes it.  It was so much easier when we had our special soulmate to lean on.  Butch, I know you are having a really bad time.  We finally thought your family was seeing some light and now another bump in the road.  My prayers are with you.

gin

[MartyT]

Gin, I'm so sorry to learn of this health scare you're facing. Please know that we're holding you in our thoughts and prayers . . .  ♥

[Margm]

Gin, maybe the doctor wanted you to have the test at another hospital so you would not be reminded of Al's tests.  I know fear makes it harder to breathe.  No solutions except I understand fear.  My last visit to the GYN doc, I had a problem, she told me "we can do a D&C but if we find anything we cannot fix it."  That was because I have had so much radiation.  I had Billy with me though.  That makes all the difference in the world.  My heart is with you and my prayers also.  Please let us know how the tests went.  I believe Karen just had to go through a bunch of tests too.  

[mittam99]

Gin, so sorry to hear about the health issues. It is so different without our beloved by our side, isn't it?

Let's face it, from the time we wake up 'til the time we go to sleep, every moment, every beat of our heart, every emotion, every action (or inaction) has changed due to our loss.

[enna]

Yes, as Mitch said everything has changed since the death of our spouse. Keeping you in my prayers. Please follow what your doctor advises. 

[Gin]

Thanks  Marty, Marge and Mitch.  It sure is hard without them supporting us.  I have a few good friends, but it sure is not the same, as you all know.

[KATPILOT]

It's hard to find a reason alright Gin.  Somehow we have to keep trying and even though it's scary when you are alone,  you have us.

[R.Everit55]

It's very difficult being ill without my wife.  I've had a heart attack heart surgery and been sick and here I lay in the hospital again with heart complications.  I dearly want my bride to be by my side.  It's lonely.  It's no wonder we all have health problems with our shattered hearts missing and needing our loves.  

butch

[Gin]

Butch,

wishing you a speedy recovery!  It is so hard doing it alone,  but you will.  We are all rooting for you.

gin

[R.Everit55]

Thank you.  Right back at you Gin. 

[kayc]

Gin,

I'm so sorry you are facing this, especially without Al.  Many of us have had to face health problems since losing our spouse, not easy or fun!  Anne (Enna) has a good post over in the Tools section about health.

I'm hoping they find out what it is and that it's a simple fix.  And if you discover the quick miracle of losing weight, share it with us!

[Gwenivere]

It is so hard facing these things alone, Gin.  I was used to being the support person, but not the one in need of it with medical stuff.  Sometimes I get angry now that I am in need he is not here.  But he would be there if he could.  I also get overwhelmed in hospitals because they are so big and busy and I feel so insignificant amid all the people needing attention.  I much prefer seeing a doc privately.  I also understand not being motivated about our health because of not thrilled about going on in this lonely life.  I have had docs say....time to take care of you so you can live a healthy life.  I want to say.....why?  So I am alone even longer?  

I hope you do OK getting your tests.  I hate bring poked and prodded at, even if it is non invasive and painless.  After seeing all Steve went thru, I am burned out on anything medical.  Just want to be left alone.  

[KATPILOT]

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

  I hate being poked and prodded at, even if it is non invasive and painless.  After seeing all Steve went thru, I am burned out on anything medical.  Just want to be left alone.  

I hear that.

[Margm]

I am going to hope this post correctly.  Last night and the last post this morning were wildly erratic.  I am not computer savvy, and I have no idea what to do.  Billy always hooked up my programs (when I was working), and put them on the computer.  If I got a new PC he found out where everything went.  

After the GYN doc told me they could do a D&C, but if they found anything they could not fix it.  After the surgeon looked me in the eyes and said "you scare me" (which was his lingo for not knowing what to do with a colon rupture in a patient who had had so much radiation), sometimes I think I will only go back if I start running a temp.  There is nothing they can do for me anymore, so I will just let them treat symptoms as they arise.  If you ever look up a low residue diet, well, that is all I can have.  Lots of good stuff on it, but not much healthy.  So, I take my trusty MiraLax each night and hope for the best.  I guess you can call it a ticking time bomb, but Billy lived with that ticking time bomb in the back of his head for many years (they said), and sometimes all you can do is hope for the best.  I am like a hypochondriac though, I keep a thermometer close every place I go.  I'm not as fast as I used to be, but I still can move, and will bodily and home too.  

[kayc]

Marg, I don't know what you can eat, I remember you can't have most of what I eat, but I hope you can have chocolate.

[Margm]

Nope, cannot  have chocolate.  That was not hard to give up after I did eat it and the results were horrific.  I have always hated the type of people (and I know how stupid this is) that go in and order a hamburger and tell them to take off this, don't add that, etc.  Now, I apologetically ask them for buns with no seeds and just meat, mustard and mayo.  Cannot have tomatoes, lettuce, any kind of fresh vegetable, even through a juicer.  I have found V8 Juice with fruits and vegetables mixed, they use Stevia as a sweetener (and you get used to that), but nothing with fiber.  I think people on this forum have Crohn's disease, and they really understand the diet more.  When the colon ruptured it caused other damage too, but though it was give and take for a few weeks, I made it through.  I never believed in that BS about "when it is your time."  Now I believe.  My time will come.

[Clematis]

Marg, I'm sorry you're having all these food problems. It sounds awful. I know what you mean about how it's hard having trouble dealing with things alone. I had a car accident a week ago-not my fault, and it's been a nightmare. I'm having a lot of strange things due to obvious head trauma, and they can't get me in for the MRI's for another week I keep realizing more and more things that are problematic-bending over, squatting, standing for too long, etc. I've been told I can only drive for very short distances, and so on. I'm not really sure if things are getting worse, or better and worse, or if I'm just becoming more aware of how marginally I am really functioning as time goes by. But it is hard alone. Even though my dad was not capable of much as we got more toward his end, at least I could talk to him about what was going on and I didn't feel as alone in it. It's hard, huh?

[Margm]

Laura, I see how hard it is for a lot of you.  Going without the one you love, the one that stood behind you, the one that emptied bedpans, cleaned up throw-up on the floor when I could not make it to the bathroom, without that person it is not impossible, but it is like when I was pregnant with my first child.  Married in July, knew I missed a period in October, Christmas came along, Billy was at work, I had a case of the viral or bacterial flu, not stomach flu but head hurting flu.  Billy was at work and I cried for my Mama.  I had turned 18 in August, I see my grandchild at nearly 17, and I was such a child.  But, Billy came home and Billy would have been an excellent nurse, he took care of me better than Mama and I never missed her again.  Now, I have family that would "take care of me," would insist on taking care of me.  In fact, I will have to put it in writing that I do not let either of my kids get into the fix my sister is in taking care of my mom.  I will be in a nursing home if I am alive.  My kids argue with me, but I could not take their life away from them.  I have lived my life.  I am still living it and as long as I can I will.  There are some things we will have to do for ourselves.  My son says, "Mama, let me drive you there."  I tell him "no, I cannot start that."  I drive just fine, no tickets, I am not reckless, but I cannot and will not drive at night.  None of my friends do.  

I wish you very much luck taking your MRI's.  We just have to buck up sometimes and do things by ourselves.  We don't want to, but there are some things other people cannot do for us and if we start relying on someone else, we are in a prison of our own making.  I want to do for myself as long as I can.  I actually, am in as good a health as my kids or any of the rest of my family.  We thought Billy was too though.  We just never know, but as long as we can do it for ourselves we have conquered something.  Something for ourselves.  It is lonely, but we can still do things, even lonely, we can do it.  We CAN do it cause we have to.  

[Clematis]

I've been through most of my adult life on my own, with no backup. Then I had those ten awesome years where I had supportive family and someone who always had my back, had my best interests at heart, who loved me unconditionally, and who always wanted to hear what I had to say-my dear old dad. And now he's gone and here I am facing an enormous mess to sort my way through, and just as I finally am ready to start dealing with it, I have Concussion Syndrome! Dang!

[kevin]

Gin, looking after ourselves without our partner is a main obstacle in this Journey. Brads point is so true, the mate/spouse always prods on about check ups, second doctor, nutrition, etc.  . I just came back from a couple days in a hot spring and mineral baths, don't know if it did any good, but sure do sleep well.......take care Gin   

[Margm]

Laura, I think my family's picture is under dysfunctional family, in Wikipedia.  One thing, as much fussing as goes on, if any of us was down and could not get up, they would all be there probably fussing over which one gets the prize of picking that person up.  I love my family, but I am so glad none of them were twins.