Lonely and Confused

[Cookie]

Ok, has anyone heard of dowsing to talk to loved ones.  Just introduced to it by another widow.  Tried it and I swear there was something there.  Sometimes I think I am really losing my mind in all this.  I know I am so desperate to communicate with John I would do anything.  This grief thing really challenges you.  I don't know who I am anymore sometimes.  I also, after a year, am just starting to feel the profound loss of him.  Can you believe it?  It hits me in the morning, that he is really not coming back....unbelievable.  Now I know intellectually that to be true, but it's the emotional me that is lagging behind.  Has anyone else had this happen?  In that way, it is much sadder than ever and I think how bad can this get?  My daughter said that I was living with the illusion that he still existed, that I need to come to terms that he is gone, gone.  It is a little hard living in the house where we lived together.  Sometimes I feel like I'm in a time warp, like he's going to come out of a room in a minute; everything is the same but he is not here.  I am just now working on thinking of how to change things; don't know if it will help.  Thanks for listening.....warmly Cookie

Edited June 24, 2016 by Cookie
misspelling

[KATPILOT]

I've heard the word dowsing but I have no idea what it is. Hopefully someone can enlighten us. I don't think you're losing your mind Cookie but not knowing who you are? That's pretty common. I do know that it is sad when you go to sleep but it hits you in the gut when you wake. Maybe it's because for a little while, it goes away but you always remember in the morning what was going on the night before. I don't see it as living an illusion. How can anyone so used to being with a love this strong have it make sense that they are not here anymore? It's a long road you are traveling now and things make sense only in good time.

[Guest]

When it comes to afterlife I want to believe that Deedo and I will be together again but if we aren't it is because it is the way it is supposed to be and I'll understand that.  I liken it to life here on Earth.  With an estimated one septillion solar systems in our observable universe it is logical to assume there could be in excess of over a trillion planets that could support life (assuming that only one in a million solar systems could have planets that could support life and if only one in a million of those actually supported life - like those odds) and  with our universe being approximately 14 billion years old plus String Theory speculates that there could be as many as 500 trillion universes; there is a decent chance that we have all existed before.  I have no knowledge of any prior existences.  If when I die I do hope to find Deedo but if that is not how it works either I will not remember her and I'll be okay or I will remember her and she, I, but we will understand.

My point is really I don't worry about what happens when I die because 1) I don't have a clue and 2) to quote Doris Day "Qué Sera, Sera".

[Margm]

I think the ostrich hiding it's head in the sand is a myth, but I am that myth.. I don't  understand politics, don't understand what just happened in England, what hate happened in Orlando, my Billy leaving, although I did accept that everyone must die, except it was not going to be Billy.  So life to me on this planet is hard enough to understand.  Mama saying you don't question the Bible might sound simple and dumb, but it serves me well when I start questioning things.  I want to escape to my Peter Pan mentality and just go on from there.  Of course, intellectually I know that is not possible.  An old Nat King Cole song is how I want to live in this life, until I go to the next.  It was called "Pretend" and the words are perfect for my simple mind.  

[KATPILOT]

Brad I'm a firm believer in what you said. I think there may be as many universes as galaxies in the one we know. I can't explain why but I feel Kathy travels quite far from here and yet finds her way back. Of course I could be just crazy but I sense it and I have had quite a few moments in my life where I sensed things that turned out to be happening. So I guess it falls into that faith thing again. I am one of the most stubborn people I know so as I long as I have eternity, I'll find her.

I think Kathy will be waiting for me because I remember how she was gone for months and then the night her mom died unbeknownst to me, several electrical events occurred in my house. The same thing happened the night her dad died but I was aware that time that he was in his last days. You are right about not knowing for sure what awaits us but I've just got this funny feeling.

I'm with you on not worrying and of course I could be completely wrong. Not having awareness of the actual other side, I'm sure it will hold many surprises and that could be good too. For one, existing without the body has to be cool. 

[KATPILOT]

5 hours ago, Brad said:

"Qué Sera, Sera".

My mother just loved that song. I grew up listening to it over and over being told by her what it meant.  I just couldn't get a grip on that philosophy. I spent a great part of my life trying to break that rule. Then I met this girl who always said "If it was meant to be, it will." She understood it. Perhaps that's why she was able to accept her own death so much better than I could.

[Margm]

6 hours ago, KATPILOT said:

 

I've heard the word dowsing but I have no idea what it is. Hopefully someone can enlighten us.

 

Steve, I believe I have watched enough Gunsmoke episodes that I know what a dowser of one type is.  They take that stick with a double end and when it points to the ground, they dig for water.  Remember Tanya Tucker's song "Lizzie and the Rainman?"  Step back non believers or the rain will never come; Somebody start that fire a-burning somebody beat the drum; You know some may think I'm crazy for making all these claims; But I swear before this day is over you folks are gonna see some rain.

Now there is something called spiritual dowsing.  And, I am not making fun of it.  I cannot remember the titles but I have put about five books on my Kindle I want to read, but it is like opening Pandora's box, I am scared to read them too.  I bought one evangelist's book about the three heavens, or the three stages of heaven.  I spent the money on it and then I deleted it.  It scared me.  I bought the neurosurgeon, who supposedly died, I bought his book about heaven that he visited.  I kept this one, but it scared me.  Last night I bought one by an investigative reporter about questions and answers about heaven.  Again, I am scared to read it, but I am going to.I think.  Some things I have a giant spiritual force that scares the bewillies out of me to read other people's opinions.  But, I am curious.  Will it mix me up?  Can I be any more mixed up than I am now?  I know we have good Christian people on here and this is a question to you.  Should I lean on my on understanding (you don't question the Bible), or should I read them.)  

My son was a Baptist, he met a Mormon girl, he became a Mormon.  He was initiated into being a Mason until he found out they did not mix services with black people and he wondered about the reason for that.  Now, He was elected/initiated into the Masonic lodge.  He has looked for religions and that bothers me.  Now he practices something called (and I am going to get this wrong) called Astrasu.  Something about our long ago relatives.  I don't make fun of it, but I kind of tune it out when he talks about it.  He knows I believe that "thou shall have no other Gods before me."  And Mama used to accuse my Daddy of making money a God.  

Life is so confusing.  But it was confusing when Billy was alive and I could discuss this with him and he would talk to me.  Now you people get the benefit of my insanity.  

[KATPILOT]

That's it Marg, I remember now!

[kayc]

Well if it doesn't resonate with you, Janice, let it go!

[Gwenivere]

12 hours ago, Cookie said:

 I also, after a year, am just starting to feel the profound loss of him.  Can you believe it?  It hits me in the morning, that he is really not coming back....unbelievable.  Now I know intellectually that to be true, but it's the emotional me that is lagging behind.  Has anyone else had this happen?  In that way, it is much sadder than ever and I think how bad can this get? 

[R.Everit55]

I get it.  Yesterday my mom died.  And tonight I'm so very lost and confused.  It feels like I just my wife.  It's been 17 months but somehow because my mom has passed on reality is hitting me. 

[Gwenivere]

Darned software again!  Cookie, I am experiencing what you are too.  It started hitting me about 2 months ago and has totally eve loped me now.  The key word being this is REAL!  I think it happens to everyone that is surpasses what we thought we knew and accepted to having to now truly have to enfold that knowledge into any vision of the future.  All illusions or dreams or memories of  those are gone for good.  It feels a stage beyond trying to survive the now to seeing how this will affect the rest of our lives.  We knew it, but now we REALLY know it.  It's the toughest phase I hate encountered yet.

[Guest]

13 hours ago, Cookie said:

  Now I know intellectually that to be true, but it's the emotional me that is lagging behind.  Has anyone else had this happen? 

Janice-

A hospital chaplain told Deedo that the greatest distance known to man is that from the brain to the heart.  I believe it.  

[kevin]

Cookie and Marg , had to check out Dowser......, certain people had the "gift", divining rod, find water., willow switch......but right after Angela's passing I swear I heard her voice, once woke me up when I left stove on,...not as much anymore, anything strange usually originates with me...Strange sounds don't spook me at all,  just used to them......Been 11 months for me, a lot easier these now than first 90 days....take care

 

[Margm]

One night right after Billy left I dozed off in front of the TV, my head down in front.  I felt like I saw Billy beside me.  He bent down and kissed my forehead until I was sitting up and then he was not there.  If it was a dream, then it was the best dream I ever had.  

[Clematis]

That is really nice, Marg. I'm glad you had a visit from Billy

[kayc]

I wish I could order a dream up like that, Marg!  

[KATPILOT]

Marg there is something known as a waking dream.  It's not really a dream but you feel like it is. Just wondering.

[Margm]

Steve, I saw him, I did not see his face, it was bent down to kiss my forehead into a sitting position.  He was right beside me, I saw his pants, his shirt, his arms.. There is only one thing wrong with this dream.  It made me feel so good, but the next night I dozed off and Brianna was sitting in her chair.  Only Brianna was in Louisiana and I was in Arkansas.  She would have been sitting in her regular chair, but she was not here.  The way I used to be before Billy left, I would have thrown myself into this feeling, and I cannot help but do it anyhow.  I did hear him the night relatives moved into our house, they were fighting, the child was throwing epic fits of just being spoiled with the parents self absorbed in their own problems.  I went to sleep on the couch, was uncomfortable, woke up with Billy saying "It's enough."  I left that day. I probably should not say too much.  Not afraid of people thinking I might be insane (I am certifiable).Just wish I was like I used to be.  I have Billy's persona.   If I had gone first, I would haunt him constantly, if I could.

[HisWife]

I think it a bit strange that I never have had a dream of Al or heard him in the 28 months since his death. I know he's watching over me, but it would be nice to dream of him.

[kayc]

It was a very long time before I had a dream too, I don't know why it took so long when he was everything to me!  

[mittam99]

As far as dreams go, isn't it true that many, if not most dreams are based on what just happened to you during that same day's activities? Could that explain why our loved ones aren't often in our dreams?

I've had dreams of Tammy from time to time. I know we all wished we had dreams where they were with us and healthy and we could somehow hold them in our arms.

[KATPILOT]

Oh yes if we could only conjure up a dream. It might be possible too Mitch that besides dreaming of what we experienced that day that we dream of things that are eating at us even if we are not aware that they are. I rarely remember dreams or at least most parts of them but the two times I have dreamed of her, I remembered them intensely. Interesting isn't it? I feel her presence every once in a while but I have only dreamed of her twice?  Iv'e dreamed about her more when she was alive.

But a dream is just a dream.  The one's I remember the most are nightmares.

[MartyT]

Excerpt from Nightmares and Bad Dreams in Grief: 

If you want to explore ways you actually can work with your dreams, you may wish to read the book, Grief Dreams: How They Help Heal Us after the Death of a Loved One, by T.J. Wray and Ann Back Price. (T.J. Wray is an assistant professor at Salve Regina University, a bereaved sibling and author of the book Surviving The Death of a Sibling: Living through Grief When An Adult Brother or Sister Dies; her colleague is a Jungian psychoanalyst on the faculty at Brown Medical School in Providence, Rhode Island.)  

The authors assert that, “Because grief dreams are a fairly universal phenomenon among the bereaved, they offer the opportunity, when affirmed as important and properly understood, for healing.”

They guide readers in ways to understand and value their dreams, how to keep a grief dream journal, and how to use dreams as tools for healing. They explain that most grief dreams fall into four rather broad categories (visitation dreams, message dreams, reassurance dreams and trauma dreams), although there are other grief dream types such as prophetic dreams and dream series. The book offers real-life examples of each type, including their symbols and other important features. Wray and Price show how dreams can be affirming, consoling, enlightening, and inspiring. Grief dreams, they say on page 37, “offer a way through pain to memory and meaning.” Grief dreams act as shock-absorbers, help us sort out our emotions, enable us to continue our inner relationship with the deceased, and make a creative bridge to our future: “Grief dreams often bear meaningful images of a hopeful new life for the mourner (p. 181).”

The authors offer step-by-step guidance for understanding and valuing the various messages from grief dreams – even the nightmarish and shock-absorbing ones. They even give examples of how we can ask for a dream to help us, and suggest a method to use as a possible technique for inducing a reassurance dream. Following each dream story is a “Toolbox” designed to assist the reader to gain the confidence necessary to interpret his or her own dreams. “This confidence is enhanced by the easy-to-learn methods of interpretation that center on the concept that you, the dreamer, are in the best position to accurately interpret your own dreams. After all, your dreams are as unique as you are (p. 6).”

[kayc]

It took me 1-2 years before I had a dream about George.  I couldn't understand it because we were always together when not working and we meant everything to each other.  Finally he was in a dream and in it I was mad at him for being gone and wanted to know where he'd been!  When I woke up I was upset because I felt I'd wasted precious time being mad at him in my dream.  I was rarely mad at him in real life.  I guess it showed how upset I was that he'd been gone, even though it wasn't particularly revealing or healing either one.  I've had occasional dreams since, but they seem like ordinary days inside the dreams.  The thing is, what was ordinary before he died, is now relished in retrospect.