R.Everit55 Posted June 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 I'm so tired. Lack of sleep. My heart is aching for my Dad. My son is worried for me too. I'm drinking and eating a little. I just can't fathom that my darling mom is gone. My heart is numb even though I know it's reality. I want to cry. But I can't. I feel like I'm going to burst into tears any second. But I don't. Trying to get things set for Tuesday. Allen is doing his best to take the load off me. He worried for my health. My heart. The boys keep running to me and giving me hugs. Bless them. And Gracie girl keeps melting me with her huge smiles. I got her giggling a little bit ago. I mean how can one resist that. Thsnk you all for your kind supportive words. Much love, Butch. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Thinking about you and your family. If any God is listening, could you please help Butch at this terrible time. He's had enough grief. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Thank you Marita. ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 People say it's the natural normal order to things to lose a parent. There is nothing normal to this grief and pain. This is the worst time of my life. I and 57 and I want my mom back. That is what is natural and normal. My normal. I miss my wife. I really need her to go through this with me. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 I know I'm not alone. My mom is gone so I feel very alone. We spoke daily. She was a huge influence every day of my life. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Butch, I give you my condolences and will pray peace and comfort for you. My Mom passed away over eight years ago. I still remember it vividly. Everyone suggestions and input are great. Try to just be you. The shock of your Mom's sudden death is a factor as well. We will all be here for you. Please continue to care for yourself as you care for your father. My dad was married to Mom for over 51 years. Just take one moment at time. I found, the more I can just get the thoughts out of me and on paper, journal or post that it does seem to help. You are not alone. We are with you Butch. Shalom - George 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Thank you George. Peace to you as well. I have my grandsons having camping out in my room to help Grampy feel better. They have my heart. And Miss Gracie is all smiles. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Butch, I'm so glad you have your family there with you. I know it doesn't alleviate your pain but it helps you have incentive to do another day, one day at a time. Gracie and the boys are a blessing, as is Allen and Katie. I don't think there's ever a good time to lose someone we love. Lingering illness is hard to watch, losing them bit by bit, but so is sudden death because it takes you by surprise and shocks you to the core. It'll take a while for you to process this, I'm sure. (((hugs))) 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 I woke in a cold sweat after two hours. Now it's 4:30am and everyone is asleep. It's so quiet. I look to My wife's side of the bed. I need her to go through this with me. I don't know if I can do this alone. But then again I've lived almost 18 months without her. So I guess that means I can do this.... Lord I hope so. It just doesn't feel like it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Imagine Mary going through this with you, then wrap yourself in her love and supportiveness. I've had to do that the last 11 years as I went through loss of jobs, loss of mom, loss of pets, health issues, etc. You can do this, doubting that is normal, but goodness, Butch, look at all you have made it through already! We have your back, I know this is hard to go through, I wish it weren't. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 It is SO hard losing a parent with whom you really had a strong bond and connection. I think anybody who knows me and my immediate family would say that I was the "strong one". But any strength I have seems inadequate for a loss like this- losing my dad, and it sounds like you feel similarly with the loss of your mom, Butch. I remember talking to a man who was about my dad's age-while he was still in PA and had not yet moved out to AZ. This man was talking about how he had lost his daughter-and she hadn't died but gotten married and moved about an hour away. His wife had been gone for some time, and in the years since he became very close to his daughter and they "did everything" together. He talked about losing that and how he really had no desire to go on after losing that close bond with her, even though she was still alive. I recall marveling that the bond between a parent and adult child could be that strong... Little did I know what I was headed for-that I was about to discover how hard it could be. And I really had no idea what I was headed for after he was gone either. I knew I would miss him, but the intensity of it has blown me away. Butch, I really feel for you in being alone as you grieve the loss of your mom. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 27, 2016 Report Share Posted June 27, 2016 I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today and hoping that you will find some peaceful moments in this more than difficult time. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted July 9, 2016 Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 On June 27, 2016 at 10:54 AM, Widowedbysuicide said: I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today and hoping that you will find some peaceful moments in this more than difficult time. Thank you! I just now stumbled across this post, and want you to know I appreciate it. I have been having an extra hard time lately. I am getting rid of almost all of my own furniture, and a lot of stuff at my dad's house and mine (especially at mine), so that I can have a place to hang onto a lot of his things-and hence him. I have been living at his house, which has made me feel closer to him. But when I move all of his furniture - and all of our stuff that is now at his house - over to my house, his house will no longer be his house, and the place I always went to be with him. I feel like I am about to go into free fall. A friend had an interesting comment, saying that my dad and I were both going to be moving back over to my place. I guess that's right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted September 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2016 I found my Dad in the house I grew up in. He was passed on. I think he died of a broken heart after losing my mom. I'm lost. Now I have to make arrangements and then deal with the house and all its belongings. A lifetime of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 I'm so very sorry to learn this sad news about your dad, dear Butch. You are in our hearts. ♥ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 Butch, I'm really sorry that you lost your dad. And right on top of losing your wife and mother - that is very hard. You must be very overwhelmed and I feel for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 Butch, It hasn't been that long since your mom passed, and now your dad. I think you're right, I think it was a broken heart. I hope your son will be able to help you some with the cleaning out of the house and planning of the service. It can feel overwhelming...are you an only child or do you have any siblings that can help? I hope you'll continue to come here when you can, we may not be able to change anything, but we're good listeners and we care. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 Butch, I'm so very sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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