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I am 19 years old and a month ago I lost my boyfriend to a car accident. He passed away while asleep in the passenger seat. He was with his mom and one of his college friends and they both survived with barely a scratch. This boy was the love of my life and although I know I am young, he was one of the most perfect people I've ever met. We had a future planned with each other. I find myself so lucky to be loved by him, but I am so tired of being sad. Sad is not even an accurate word to describe what I am truly feeling. People will tell me that with time I will stop being sad and I will move on, but I do not want to move on. I do not want to ever stop loving him and I don't want to lose someone who was so important to my every day life. I feel like a part of me is missing and it is so unbearable to think that he is gone. I just want him to come back and tell me everything is going to be okay and that he still loves me. I never got to say goodbye and it kills me inside. I am young and many of my friends have never experienced a death like this before so I find myself so lost and alone. He was someone I talked to everyday and I depended on him. 

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I'm so sorry.  Your younger than my oldest grandchild and only two years older than my youngest.  Love comes and goes in all ages and I am so sorry for your hurting and your loss.  I'm an old woman and I hurt, you are so young and you hurt.  You have come to the right place.  There are more people closer to your age, I think, but we are all ages, we have all had loss that we cannot handle.  We are here for you to talk it out with us.  It won't cure the hurt, but you won't feel so alone.  Please keep reading.  

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I am so sorry you lost your BF, esp. one that you had plans with and loved so much.  Yes you are young, but grief knows no age, it can strike any of us at any time and one thing I've learned is that it isn't how long you loved the person, it's how deeply...that defines our grief.  

Your friends are young and haven't gone through this so there is no way they can get what you are going through.  That's why it's good you found this place to come to and express yourself.  We all get it.  One of the phrases that doesn't belong in comforting someone is "move on".  That phrase is just so inappropriate.  We eventually get used to our new life but we are never over them.  That doesn't mean you will be sad the rest of your life.  You will continue to miss him but you learn to incorporate it into your life, and there will come a day when you will smile again.  

He does still love you, nothing has changed that except that he can no longer tell you like he used to.  I didn't get to say goodbye either, that's hard, a lot of us didn't.  Go ahead and tell him how you're feeling, who knows, maybe they can hear us.  I talk to my husband all the time, if not in my mind, aloud.

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Hello there, I can only imagine what this must feel like.  It doesn't matter that you are young or that this was your first love, in some ways that makes it harder.  I remember the first time I lost someone very close.  I was 24 I think, no amount of age prepares you and no amount of youth makes it better unfortunately, that is plain to see from all the posts on this forum.  All you can do are the same things we all have to do.  Go easy on yourself, seek help from people who can help you, trusted adults or grief counselors.  Be forgiving of your friends, even as people get older they won't always no how to support someone in grief.  As the shock fades try to resume your life and seek out new connections with quality people.

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19

I am so sorry. Age has nothing to do with grief. The pain you are feeling is real. I believe you will never stop loving him. Right now you need to remember it has only been a month since your boyfriend died: the pain is so fresh and raw. You are so young to be faced with dealing with such a devastating thing. You may find it helpful to find a grief counselor to help you cope with your loss. Sadly people who haven't experienced such a catastrophic loss just don't get it; they want to help but they really can't begin to comprehend. 

Welcome to our forum and I am sorry sorry you have cause to be here. 

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I understand how you feel and I can say how I feel bad youhave to be here, I have a daughter your age, I thought I was young having to deal with a loss of my spouse at 46, everything you are feeling is exactly how I feel word for word my grief is still new to it has only been six weeks today and it is so hard sometimes I don't  know how I make it through another day but somehow I do, I talk to my Kevin everyday, and cry more tears than I can count everyday, but I can say that at least today I thought of him and smiled once, people will never understand our pain unless they have gone through it and most people haven't I never understand until six weeks ago.  I wish I could offer more but I am new in grieving to but this site has helped me feel I am not alone so post to get out your feelings I do alot, you are not alone in your pain

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Your loss is so very different from any loss your friends may have experienced.  Losing the love of my life is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced.  I have lost both parents, all grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends, etc., but this was the first loss of the love of my life.  I didn't choose my family, but loved them unconditionally.  I chose my sweet Jim as my partner and spouse and we planned so many things for our future that neither of us will ever get to do.   He was not only my husband, he was my best friend, my confidante, my shoulder to cry on and my rock.  He has been gone almost 20 months and I still grieve for him daily and heavily.  I miss him so very much and the love I felt for him continues to grow each day.  The loneliness is almost unbearable.  If you can find a local widowed persons grief support group, by all means attend.  Most are free.  There will be others there who share your feelings, just as there are here.  Don't be afraid to share your feelings with others, especially others who have lost a spouse.  We are the ONLY ones who can identify with the feelings you are having.  We have stood in your shoes and felt the same as you are feeling right now.  We don't judge, we simply listen and offer our own experiences and the things which might have helped us get through this long and winding journey.   We each have to travel this journey alone as only we can.  Please continue to come and post your thoughts and your feelings and see for yourself how you will be helped in your grieving process.

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I'm so sorry you are going through this too. You are a member here now though and much as it may be difficult to be here, you will find support and the kindness of others to show you that you are not alone. I've seen this happen to young couples before. It is every bit as devastating especially when it doesn't make sense.  Much awaits you on this grief's journey. Read and listen and please find some comfort here. I hope you will as we all have.

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18 hours ago, 19andlost said:

Sad is not even an accurate word to describe what I am truly feeling. People will tell me that with time I will stop being sad and I will move on, but I do not want to move on. I do not want to ever stop loving him and I don't want to lose someone who was so important to my every day life. I feel like a part of me is missing and it is so unbearable to think that he is gone. I just want him to come back and tell me everything is going to be okay and that he still loves me.

19...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You're so right about sad not even being close to accurate to describe your feelings. Devastated comes close but there is no one word to describe it. The person you loved with all your heart has died and your joyful "perfect" world has been rocked to the core with this one event. My wife Tammy died unexpectedly last March 6th and I lost my one true love. I lost the woman of my dreams and I lost the future that was to be our life together. Like others have said, the fact that you are 19  doesn't mean your sense of loss is less or more than someone older. This is, without question, the most painful loss imaginable.

You know those people that say "you'll get over it" and you'll "move on"? Well, to put it bluntly, they're clueless. People that haven't experienced the loss of their soul mate don't have an idea of the depth of pain you're experiencing. Sure, they want to make you feel better, but, you don't get over a loss like this. And "moving on" needs to be replaced with the phrase "moving forward". But that's a discussion for another time, much further in your grief journey.

I'm 15 plus months into my grief journey and I know that I'll never get over losing my Tammy. What happens is, with time, you learn to adjust to an extent but there will always be that hole in your heart. You need to cherish those memories of your time with your guy so that in a way, his spirit and that love never fades away. To this day I still talk to my Tammy and it does make me feel less alone.

For now though there's only one thing to do. Take it a moment at a time. Make sure you surround yourself with people that make you feel better and are understanding and supportive. Posting here will help and grief counseling is a good idea. Get your sleep and try to eat well.

I wish you some sense of comfort in the coming days and weeks.

Mitch

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