when you have to be with people who don't understand...

[iPraiseHim]

Grateful List

It helps me to make a list of what I am grateful for.  It's hard to do when I am  in the deep hole.  I force myself to call a friend and ask  to bring a shovel or a ladder to help me crawl out.  Writing in this forum helps because it gets the thought out of my head. The secret to life is to always, eventually get back up and move forward one step at a time; even when life knocks you over and backwards.  This group is always here for you.  You are not alone.  Shalom - George

[Gwenivere]

You are so right, George.  For those of us that have at least one person to call in the dark times, they are gems for help in so many ways.  Help us out or just listen.   It's hard in the middle of the night tho.  Being alone is so immensely intensified.

[Gwenivere]

I feel selfish emotions are part of the grief package.  It's hard to be living in a world that is carrying on as it always did when we are left behind looking in from the outside.  I've even felt so selfish to want Steve back so I can take care of him again.  I don't know if I will ever adjust to the knowledge I will never see him again in this life.  Intense pain is not groundwork for rational thinking.

[Widowedbysuicide]

I'm sorry Brad isn't here.  I hope it's because he has found something else that is helping him.  Take care Brad.

[Gin]

I miss Brad, also and wish him well.  If anyone keeps in touch with him privately, please tell him.  Maybe he will decide to come back.

Gin

[brat#2]

I too miss Brad and hope he is doing well.  He always had some really good posts that helped alot.  Wishing him good luck.

Joyce

 

[Margm]

In some of his last posts he mentions how ill he has been.  I know we all worry about him and you had to read between the lines.  I think he needs his energy to fight his Crohn's disease.  Now, that is just what I "felt" Billy always teased me about my "feelings" which were 99% wrong.  Scott calls me psychic and I am just psycho.  Anyhow, I hope he is well.  I know because of our downed immune systems, it is hard to fight when you don't want to. These are only my feelings, I have talked to no one.  Possibly should keep my fingers silent too.

[kayc]

18 hours ago, Patty65 said:

if you guys can hold on, somehow I can too.

 

You can, keep remembering, one day at a time and remember to be kind to yourself.

[kayc]

17 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

It helps me to make a list of what I am grateful for.

George, that is a good idea, one I have used many times.  We have to balance some of this negativity with something good!  We can't always just focus on what we've lost, sometimes it's good to focus on what we still have!

[kayc]

I will miss Brad and his positive spirit!

[Patty65]

18 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

Grateful List

It helps me to make a list of what I am grateful for.  

Thanks George -- I am just starting to make some headway with this.  It is easy to scoff at the idea of making a Grateful List when you are in great misery.  At least for me.  I am very grateful for this group, and I am very grateful that my therapist magically showed up in my life right after Ron went into Hospice, after being out of my life for my Happy Years,  She had stopped practicing for a while, and had just started up again.  And despite the hardships of the transition, I am grateful for my new business partner - the shop must be meant to keep going, and even if I'm unsure why and if I want it, here I am with something to put one foot in front of the other for, and I don't have to stress about money right now for the business, there is some reserves from her investment and more steady contracts coming in.  In talking with my therapist last night on the phone, I am working on ways to set my boundaries/needs with her, like having my morning alone time to listen to me and Ron's music and cook, and shed some tears with nobody watching me.  Haven't booted her out of the morning hours yet, but I will try to explain it to her its part of what I need to keep going.   Hey three things aren't bad, it will carry me through today anyway, and I guess that's all I have to survive at this moment.

[kayc]

Those are very good things to be grateful for, Patty!  And I'm glad your therapist is going to work with you on establishing boundaries for your partner, that protects both of your relationship.

[Clematis]

Sometimes - well frequently, really - it occurs to me that all I have done is sit around my dad's condo and cry for the last six months. But then I am reminded that I worked my regular job for the first four months, and then for the last two months I have been working on the estate, jettisoning most of my furniture and tons of other stuff, and getting ready to move. Patty and Marg - you both have had Herculean loads and are holding up and trudging along because there doesn't seem to be any choice. I suppose I am as well...but it often seems like I am just moping around feeling sorry for myself.

Patty, I can really relate to what you are saying. I had a second degree burn that is finally going away, and all these blows to the head on top of the car accident (the woman who dropped the rear window from a pickup camper shell, and the woman who clobbered me on the head at a produce stand when I was in Maui)...I have had so many days when It seems like I can't stop crying. I walk back and forth between my dad's condo and my own every day to water the plants, hoping that if I just wear sunglasses no one will notice...