My beloved cat killed

[Sparklesdebs]

She was my best friend, my companion and my constant for 7 years.

 

From a kitten I bought her up, raised her and although she wasn't as affectionate as I'd have liked I loved her & she loved me.

 

Our time together cut short on Thursday night, I knew something was wrong when she didn't come in, I called her & called her but nothing. At 5.30am still nothing so I got up looking for her outside, eventually confronted with a note on a tree stating a dark tabby had been found but not alive. I just knew. By midday I had her body and took to the vets for cremation.

My grief is huge, the loss so painful, I'm 42, 43 tomorrow live alone, have lived alone for 13 years and she was my only daily companion. She was killed outside my home, on her way back in to me.

I hate being at home, it's empty, it's the scene and constant reminder of what's happened, I just don't know how I'm going to ever recover. How will I ever get past this awful painful devastating time??

[Clematis]

Oh-I feel SO badly for you! Your kitty is beautiful and looks very sweet. I live alone with my cat and if I lost Lena it would be like the floor totally was yanked out from under my world! It is horrible to lose a pet, and when that pet is your best friend and primary companion, it is just dreadful.

I lost my dad in January...we had a little family of three-me, my dad, and Lena. My dad was 88 and had Parkinson's; I cared for him during his last ten years, and now it's just Lena and me. I have lost other cats before, but none that I have been as attached to as Lena-she really is special-smart, affectionate, and brave. She is a therapy cat and goes to visit seniors and children in a variety of settings. If I lost Lena, it would be horrible. No one knows exactly what you are going through, but anyone who has ever been really bonded to a pet could imagine.

Grief is a process and it takes time. No other pet can replace the cat that you just lost, but another cat might keep you company while you navigate the loss of the cat you lost, and there are so many cats that need homes-you might think about it. If you did decide to do that, you might think about getting an adult cat, whose personality is already apparent. It would probably be better for you to have a "lap-cat" that would be affectionate and snuggly than a "standoffish" one. It might help, even though you can never ever replace any person or pet that you lost. You'll need to grieve your loss no matter what happens, and if anyone says anything that includes the words "just a cat" or 'just a pet", put your fingers in your ears and run! 

Unfortunately, there are many people who don't understand how heart-wrenching the loss of a pet can be, but I am very glad that you found this site, where you will find many gentle loving people who really understand what you are going through because they are on the same path, even though it may not be their cat that is gone... 

Take good care of yourself and keep us posted on how you are doing, ok?

[kayc]

I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful cat.  I lost mine six weeks ago.  It's very hard to get past.  I just have my pets too and can't imagine not having them.  As Laura says, another cat would keep you company, but no one else would take the place of the one you lost. I can't imagine not having pets, I don't think I've been without one for 40 years.  I'm glad you'll have her ashes, I don't even have that of Miss Mocha.  

[Clematis]

33 minutes ago, kayc said:

I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful cat.  I lost mine six weeks ago.  It's very hard to get past.  I just have my pets too and can't imagine not having them.  As Laura says, another cat would keep you company, but no one else would take the place of the one you lost. I can't imagine not having pets, I don't think I've been without one for 40 years.  I'm glad you'll have her ashes, I don't even have that of Miss Mocha.  

The hardest pet loss I ever had was my cat Mitten, and she didn't die. I was forced to give her up because of escalating asthma and allergies. Mitten was fine and ended up with a family with two heartbroken little girls who had lost their cat "Mittens" who looked a lot like Mitten. But I was not ok at all. I didn't have any pet at all for 15 years while I worked on my allergies. The most devastating thing was the idea that I would never again in my life have another cat-or even a dog. I would have taken any cat of any color and personality and age, blind, three-legged, whatever-any cat! I still have some small amount of cat allergy, and it keeps me from getting a second cat, because I am afraid that it might push me over the limit again. If I had to endure life with no cat again, I really don't think I could take it. But Lena is happy being the only cat, and although I hope that by some miracle she lives as long as I do, if she does not there will be another cat for me. Having Lena in my life is such a miracle...

[Sparklesdebs]

Struggling to cope with the loss, it's been 4 days, it's my birthday today I'm so sad and depressed.

only just can I bear to be at home, she's not here, she's not beside me, everytime I look out my bedroom window I can see the stain on the road ???? 

I just want her, I just need someone or something beside me. 

 

[Marj37]

Hi Sparkles

You are definitely at the right place to share your loss feelings.   We know the pain.  And we know the time it takes.

Your kitty is (her spirit is with you forever) - beautiful.  Thanks for the picture.  It is beautiful.   And brown tabbies are my favorites 100000%.   Lost my special connection Gb last summer - he was very ill.   And it took several months of crying before I felt like I was human again.  But not a day passes that I don't have a pang of grief for him.  this is a very hard time for you.  Take one minute or hour or day at a time.   That special connection has been physically broken.  When they have eaten, slept with us, been our companion 24/7 it is normal to hurt.  And it hurts like nothing else. 

It really helped me cope with the sad minutes to scribble in my anger journal. Sometimes the words were huge!!!! Also I bought a pretty journal at the bookstore to start writing all the antics and memories of Gb.  Often tears would roll as I wrote. 

And maybe set up a memorial space in your house where you can sit and talk to her.   

The emptiness is hard.  Keep crying.  Take care of yourself even if you don't feel like eating - a couple bites are better than none; and so it is important to keep hydrated.

Post often.  Our hearts stay with you.   And again, I am so sorry for your kitty to be gone.  What was her name?

[kayc]

I wish your birthday to be happy but I know that's not likely.  I know your heart's pain, it's still fresh with me too and I'm still missing my little girl that always slept with me.  It's hard, I know.

[Nikki D]

I am so sorry for your loss... Your kitty looks so sweet...

I lost my dog 2 days after my birthday this February. I remember sitting and waiting at an emergency vet all day on my birthday, anxiously waiting for the result of all kinds of testings. The next day we found out he had mast cell tumor. After leaving him at the e-vet for 2 nights, we had to make a very difficult decision to let him go. He was nearly drowning in the fast developing fluid in his lungs, there was nothing else we could do to save him  He was only 7, we had him almost 5 years, it was actually just 2 more days until our 5th anniversary (we call it Gotcha Day). He was in very good health until then. It was so unexpected and devastating... It was the saddest birthday I'd ever experienced in my whole entire 52 years of my life. It has been 5 months since... The pain does ease as time goes by, but it never goes away completely. 

For the first few months I was writing lots of poems and letters (to my dog that passed). It helped me going through my grieving process. 

[Sparklesdebs]

[kayc]

Your cat is beautiful, looks very much like my Chappy that I got after my husband died.  He used to sleep on my chest with his paws around my neck and his head tucked under my chin.  sigh...

It's so hard to lose them.

[Clematis]

What sweet pictures of a lovely cat-I especially like the one in the snow. Cats are such a treasure in one's life-especially if it's just you and your cat at home. It makes such a difference to have someone to come home to. I hope maybe a new kitty will find his or her way into your life and heart. One does not replace another, but would help you to get through your days and nights.

[Sparklesdebs]

On 11 July 2016 at 2:48 PM, Marj37 said:

Hi Sparkles

You are definitely at the right place to share your loss feelings.   We know the pain.  And we know the time it takes.

Your kitty is (her spirit is with you forever) - beautiful.  Thanks for the picture.  It is beautiful.   And brown tabbies are my favorites 100000%.   Lost my special connection Gb last summer - he was very ill.   And it took several months of crying before I felt like I was human again.  But not a day passes that I don't have a pang of grief for him.  this is a very hard time for you.  Take one minute or hour or day at a time.   That special connection has been physically broken.  When they have eaten, slept with us, been our companion 24/7 it is normal to hurt.  And it hurts like nothing else. 

It really helped me cope with the sad minutes to scribble in my anger journal. Sometimes the words were huge!!!! Also I bought a pretty journal at the bookstore to start writing all the antics and memories of Gb.  Often tears would roll as I wrote. 

And maybe set up a memorial space in your house where you can sit and talk to her.   

The emptiness is hard.  Keep crying.  Take care of yourself even if you don't feel like eating - a couple bites are better than none; and so it is important to keep hydrated.

Post often.  Our hearts stay with you.   And again, I am so sorry for your kitty to be gone.  What was her name?

Daisy hun xx 

[Kariaries]

I am so sorry. I am grieving with you. My angel was taken from my children and I on Tuesday. My boyfriends pit bull attacked and killed my baby. Being at home seeing the horrible scene replay over and over is torture. I can feel the pain you are feeling. I wasn't sure where to go to talk through my grief. I wasn't sure people would understand the mourning of a pet. You are in the right place to get the support you need to help you work through this time. Your sweet kitty was beautiful. I am so sorry for this terrible loss. I think all we can do is take one moment at a time and try to keep our lives going right now, and hopefully smiles and happiness will come again.

[Sparklesdebs]

16 hours ago, Kariaries said:

I am so sorry. I am grieving with you. My angel was taken from my children and I on Tuesday. My boyfriends pit bull attacked and killed my baby. Being at home seeing the horrible scene replay over and over is torture. I can feel the pain you are feeling. I wasn't sure where to go to talk through my grief. I wasn't sure people would understand the mourning of a pet. You are in the right place to get the support you need to help you work through this time. Your sweet kitty was beautiful. I am so sorry for this terrible loss. I think all we can do is take one moment at a time and try to keep our lives going right now, and hopefully smiles and happiness will come again.

I'm so sorry for your loss too xx it's been 9 days now, I am better but still in pain. She was my companion as I live alone and am single, she was my baby I raised her. To lose her has been devastating, loss is hard in any form 

[Clematis]

17 hours ago, Kariaries said:

My angel was taken from my children and I on Tuesday. My boyfriends pit bull attacked and killed my baby. Being at home seeing the horrible scene replay over and over is torture. I can feel the pain you are feeling. I wasn't sure where to go to talk through my grief. I wasn't sure people would understand the mourning of a pet. 

Kariaries-that is horrible! It is just dreadful and frightening to even think about...and that is in addition to the painful loss of losing a beloved family member, which your pet was. When you write of a horrible scene being replayed over and over, you are describing the essence of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Of course neither I nor anyone else can diagnose anything from a post, just in the way of general information, PTSD is reliving (in dreams or awake) and avoiding triggers of traumatic events. You might think about seeing a counselor/psychotherapist who is well versed in treating PTSD. If your children are also experiencing the same thing, it might be a good idea to see someone who could see you together. 

A grief counselor is always a good choice after a loss, and you would want someone who understands that the loss of a pet is a significant loss. It would be ideal to find someone who can do both, but they really are two related but separate issues-trauma and grief. And please do keep coming back here. We care about you.

[Clematis]

1 hour ago, Sparklesdebs said:

I'm so sorry for your loss too xx it's been 9 days now, I am better but still in pain. She was my companion as I live alone and am single, she was my baby I raised her. To lose her has been devastating, loss is hard in any form 

I keep thinking you and your kitty. It is a painful loss, and since I also live alone with my beloved cat, I really understand the connection a person can have with a cat. I lost my dad in January, and my cat Lena has been my lifeline in getting through it. My dad and I lived less that two minutes apart and the three of us were a little family, always having dinner and other special times - like on the weekends and holidays together. Lena knows the route -by car and by leash/harness walking-very well. It has been awful losing my dad, but if Lena were gone too, I can't imagine how I would even get up in the morning-especially since it is Lena who does get me up in the morning.

No cat - or person - can replace another, but another cat might help you. An adult maybe more than a kitten, but there are many of both who are in need of homes. Here is a little scrap that you may know-or not. I just recently learned this.

Cat ages compared to dogs are a little different than the dog formula. The first 24 months compare to years, so a 24 month cat compares to a 24 year old person. Then you add four years for every calendar year to calculate the cat's age in "human years". Lena was 21 months when I got her, so she was like a late adolescent at 21 years. Almost her full size, still playful, but well beyond a wild crazy kitten. Lena is now 5-1/2 years old. So we give her 24 years for her first 24 months. Then 3-1/2 times 4  (cat years per calendar year) is 14 cat years. So you add the 14 to the 24 and get 38 years. She is still young and healthy-not even middle aged yet. If we are lucky, we might have another 10-15 years together. But if I live as long as my dad did, I will outlive her... 

I really feel for you and am thinking about you frequently. Laura

[kayc]

Believe me, I understand the loss of a pet very much, they are our family members and it's very hard when we lose them.  The "not knowing" 100% for sure what happened to my Miss Mocha has been very hard to deal with, but I understand the imagery must be very difficult of what you saw with the loss of your cat.  I do know Miss Mocha would not have run away, nor did she seem "ready to die" (she looked in great shape, breathing good, eating & stools great, limber, agile, etc.  She was very happy here.  None of the neighbors saw or heard anything so that leaves me to conclude she had to have been taken/killed by a predator.  I just learned there is a cougar in the area again, I hate that, I wish they'd leave.  They have to be coming down lower to forage for food, I know they need to eat, but there isn't a pet or deer or calf I want to see sacrificed.

[Marj37]

The additional pictures are fantastic.

Thanks.

[Sparklesdebs]

??? Bye bye baby ???????

[kayc]

[Marj37]

Love your setting - thanks for sharing it with us.