Plagued by guilt

[Mal]

I lost my dad June 17, 2016. I am plagued with deep guilt. Being an 'adult orphan' is another aspect to my loss. Not having both parents is intense. I'm trying to navigate my way but boy, bouts of depression with his absence blanket me. His passing created a domino effect in every single way. I'm also dealing with this all alone, never realized having the support of family and friends tempers the void a bit. Dealing with this solo makes the journey even more challenging. Handling his affairs compounds the grief. Nights are the worst, sleepless, can't eat, feel anxious and the tears come in buckets. I miss him terribly. I can't shake the image of him so broken in the hospital bed (car accident), I have never seen my dad so vulnerable in my life. I still can't comprehend he's gone. I'm just so lost and my pain is raw, honestly I wonder how I am going to manage. 

[sharirouse]

I am so sorry for your loss, especially since its still so new. I also struggled with guilt and occasionally still do but my grief therapist told me this "Guilt results from intending to do harm to do something or someone." Sure, we missed some opportunities to do some things but we all have missed opportunities. Right now, you are beating yourself up and are just hurting yourself even more. If you think itll feel better, you can apologize to your dad. 

Nights are still hard for me too as thats when everything comes crashing back to me like a tidal wave. Cry like a baby and let it out. That last image of him will eventually fade. Try looking at a picture of him happy and healthy. Its hard to get a grip on reality when you see that the man you always though was a superhero does end up getting hurt like the rest of us, but he is so much better now! No more pain and he can never be hurt again! The pain will dull as you work through it but for now, just let it all out.

[kayc]

I am sorry for your loss.  It is different once you've lost your last parent, they were our connection to our heritage, the last one to go is tough for us to get used to, no one left to ask about grandparents, events, etc.  I hope you are seeing a grief counselor as that's often the best place to start to figure out how to make your way through this.  An estate attorney can be helpful too as they can tell you what to do so much easier than trying to figure it out on your own.