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Death is all around me


kayc

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About 37 years ago I met a friend named Kay, the same age as me.  We became good friends, and when she was in transition, she lived with my husband and I.  Fast forward a bit and she had a daughter named Mandy Kay and I had a daughter named Melissa Kay.  They were the same age and were best friends.  Years later they moved across the state and our friendship became an occasional visit and Christmas cards, an email here a phone call there.  But it was always like they never left, we'd resume where we left off.  A couple of months ago Kay gained 22 lbs even though she'd been watching her newly lost weight carefully.  She went to the doctor and learned she had a tumor, cancerous, and she underwent a 6 1/2 hour operation to remove it...but the cancer had spread throughout her body.  They thought with some chemo she might have another year or two, and so she "retired" as a schoolteacher and began her chemo.  A couple of months later, another tumor 8 1/2" long, chemo is doing nothing.  They sent her home to die, gave her a couple of weeks.  Now she has about five days or so.  

Another friend just lost her husband to cancer.  They've been together since they were teenagers, grew up together, were best friends.  His funeral is tomorrow.

Today her sister collapsed.  She's in her 50s, gorgeous, looked in perfect shape, but her lungs collapsed, they don't know why.  Her husband did CPR and they airlifted her to the hospital about 60 miles away.  She's in critical condition.  She's going to miss her brother-in-law's funeral.

It just seems there is death all around me.  These are neighbors, it's a small town, we all know each other like we're extended family.  It's hard to take in bunches like this, but my heart really goes out to their families.  It's so hard.

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Kay, I am so sorry all of this is happening around you. :( It so hurts when we have people around us who are going through such hard times. I've added them to my prayer list. Take care gentle heart. Sending hugs. 

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KayC,

My heart and prayers are with.  As you know, the challenge with life is that everyone will die.  It has been made painful aware to each of us whose, spouse, partners, loved ones have passed on.  I notice I am much more sensitized to the death of others as it is a stark reminder of my wife's.  My prayer for you is in Phil 4:6-7.  I prayer for the peace of God that passes all understanding that will guard your mind and heart.  - Shalom

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21 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

I am much more sensitized to the death of others as it is a stark reminder of my wife's.

This is undoubtedly what I am experiencing, in addition to my own grief of friends.  It's hard.

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My friend, Kay, passed away last night.  They were spot on when they told her two weeks, it was exactly two weeks.  The most aggressive cancer I've ever seen.  Keep her kids, Mandy, Holly, and Jennifer in your prayers, this is hard for them.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, Kay. My heart goes out to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you. That feeling of being surrounded by death is one I've been experiencing ever since Paul passed away. I know people were still passing before that, but I'm so much more aware of it now. The emails I get from the retired firefighters association informing me of yet another friend's death or serious illness and even as I write this, my friend who was recently diagnosed with esophageal cancer is close to passing. I received word last night that he is no longer eating or drinking and hospice is with him now around the clock. So, it's only a matter of time. His birthday is tomorrow, too. It's such a surreal feeling for all these people I've known for most of my life to be leaving, seemingly one after another and at different ages. Some are elderly, but not all are. Maybe you could tell her family about this forum, where they can openly express their grief and not only be heard, but totally understood. <3

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Thank you, I usually do inform people with loss about this site.  I also have an elderly neighbor on hospice...we have been neighbors for 38 years and she is the sweetest lady, she's also the mother of a good friend of mine.  I don't think we ever get used to this.

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I'm not sure we're ever supposed to get used to this. I heard a song on the radio this afternoon, "A Thousand Miles" and I was immediately jolted back in my memory to a vivid picture of Paul and me riding back home from an afternoon drive, the sun shining, the skies blue, eating Doritos. That song was playing in the car. Between the lyrics, which are exactly what I'm feeling, and the memory, it hit me---for the umpteenth time---that I would never again experience that and I burst into tears. I do feel surrounded by peoples' deaths and unhappiness and I'm scared that, at 57, all my best years might be behind me already. It feels like I will never be able to experience that carefree happiness again, the way i did with Paul. 

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TerriL,

I wish that I could say something positive, but I can't.  I can say that you are not alone in having that feeling.  I lost the love of my life, my Mary Kay 6 months and 18 days ago.  Totally unexpected. She was my everything.  I have no desire to go on, nothing to offer others, and nothing to look forward to, except for the day that I will join her.

I have had a bad last few days.  Maybe someday I will feel differently.

Prayers to you TerriL.

 

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21 hours ago, BillT said:

TerriL,

I wish that I could say something positive, but I can't.  I can say that you are not alone in having that feeling.  I lost the love of my life, my Mary Kay 6 months and 18 days ago.  Totally unexpected. She was my everything.  I have no desire to go on, nothing to offer others, and nothing to look forward to, except for the day that I will join her.

I have had a bad last few days.  Maybe someday I will feel differently.

Prayers to you TerriL.

 

BillT,

I understand exactly what you mean.  At six months, I was in a similar place. This grief journey just takes time.  You are making progress even when you don't think you are.  Just getting up each day and facing whatever you have to face is an accomplishment.  On the really bad days, I would just hold on to the promise that others say it will improve.  By working through the grief, I have discovered more about myself and how to cope with life.  For me, I did several things. I counted the days. Somehow this has helped me to realize that I have survived another day after my precious wife died. Little things began to change and my perception has also been changing as time marches on. By sharing here, and writing to my beloved wife, Rose Anne, helps me to cope with her death. 

I put pictures up around the house and talk to her daily as if she is still here.  These things comfort me as I deal with the reality of her loss.  Now I try my best to focus on today and what I am supposed to be learning through this process.  At some point, I began remembering all of the many wonderful days we shared life together.  I just wasn't able to do that at six months.

Tomorrow will be eighteen months since my wife died.  I wish she was still alive but alas, she is not.  Take all of the time you need and be patient with yourself and you will find your way.  My postings from the initial "Shock and Awe" is a time stamp history of my journey that I decided to share to hopefully help someone else that is going through the incredible loss that I experienced,  This type of grief is unlike anything I ever experienced before.

Hang in and hold on through your grief.  Just as there was purpose in your love for your wife,  there is purpose in this grief  you experience because you loved her deeply.  Everyone here understands, love, hugs, and supports you through reading, sharing, praying and thinking about each other.  This is a safe and caring place.  - Shalom   

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