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Cmcx

Lost without mom

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I am so lost without her. Most days I make it through and feel okay, but there is always a lingering feeling of helplessness. My mom passed this past march of lung cancer caused by a gene mutation. I lost my dad when I was 4 to cancer as well, I am now 19 with a 22 year old brother. Mom used a website to communicate with people going through the same thing as her and they became so important in her life, that is kind of what I am looking for. Just people to talk to who know what I am going through. I usually read these forums but never say much, most of that due to the fact that it took a long time to get the email verifying this account. Anyway, hopefully I get some responses from people who want to share their experience. My mom was my absolute best friend, we did basically everything together and I knew no matter what I could tell her anything, I still can. It feels like the longer she is gone (physically gone) I get scared I am losing her all over again because I don't have those moments that happened just yesterday or a week ago like I did right after she passed. I have to hold in my heart that she is with me because I know she is. Thank you guys for reading this!

 

CC

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I am sorry you lost your mom...I lost mine two years ago but I think it's different when you're young, mine was 92 and had dementia.  You have company here, there's other young people who have lost a parent here, they should be along shortly (they may be in the section for young people).
I'm sorry it took so long to get verified, usually it doesn't, so maybe something was awry.

It's good to express how you're feeling, it helps to know you've been heard, and this is a good place for that.  (((hugs)))

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Hi CMCX, I lost my dad at 26, though we were never close. He hadn't been a good parent so in a way, I'd already gone through the grieving process with him by the time he passed. Now I'm 34 and my mom's health is swiftly declining.  There are certain feelings that seem to come fall under the umbrella of "grief".  These include anger (often feeling cheated because of the loss), guilt (feeling like you should have done more or something else), sadness (usually comes if you are in the process of accepting that the loss has occurred, helplessness (the errie feeling that you should have been able to solve the problem, along with the realization that ultimately, there was nothing you could do) and there are a host of other.  For many, the feelings come in waves, often the feelings can occur at the same time.  I currently feel a lot of sadness, anger and helplessness as I watch my mom deteriorate, though I know there is nothing I can do really.  For me, the anger is the hardest.  It comes in waves, closely tailed by sadness.  I just can't help that I am being cheated when I personally know people who are in their 60's and still have one or both parents.  I also have some fear.  I am worried about how my relationships with my siblings will change when she is gone.  I think my siblings and I need to acknowledge and accept that our relationships are changing, that as the leader in the family (and the source of law and order) is diminished, we will all need to step up and mature so that we can take that role in our own lives.

With regard to your feelings of not remembering her as accurately as you want to, have you considered journaling or scrap booking about your relationship. That could help you preserve some of your most favorite memories.  I may consider doing something like that down the road.  Also, I don't know if you are close to your brother, but sometimes talking about the person helps, especially with shared memories.

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Im so sorry for your loss, cancer is such a bastard! 

Im glad youve posted here because I think you will find what you need! There are some great people on here! 

One thing you need to remember is that you will NEVER lose your mom, no matter how long its been since youve seen her. I felt the same way with my dad but hes still here. I see him in things around me and in some of my traits. She is still with you, and if it helps, ask her to keep doing things with you! I ask my dad to go for car rides with me all the time and it makes me feel better. Ask her things too! When Im scared and get panicked or confused or lost, I ask him for help. I used to call him when I had troubles and I still do. 

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Hey CC

Just because someone is gone, doesn't have to mean they are completely gone. It's okay to feel lost, the person that was there to help guide you through life isn't physically there anymore, but I'm sure there were many life lessons she shared that you can use in the coming months and years. I lost my Mum to a brain tumour when i was 15, I'm now 23, just about to start my final year of University. I'm not going to lie, it sucks not having her there for important things like when I graduate next year, but I know she'll be proud anyway! 

I hope you'll find some comfort here, I know I do. She'll ALWAYS be in your heart, never forget that :-) 

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