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I feel like I cant go on


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Take some deep breaths and take a few personal bills and then make it a goal to go pay the bills. I think that will help with some of your anxiety! One thing I have to warn you off, there WILL be rude people who do not care about your struggles and I know some bill companies are like that so hopefully you will be able to get out and do it :/ 

Other then that, go ahead and stay in bed! I dont really remember the first month after my dads death, I was definitely a zombie so do what you got to do, which sometimes does help with little distractions here and there and then "wallow" in your grief. Feel all those painful emotions and let them out. 

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It may be time to call a crisis line.  I know what you are feeling.  The loss is devastating and new so I don't want you to think I am saying that there is anything abnormal.  But your posts are concerning.  It sounds like you don't have much of support network if any, additionally I can hear the anxiety in your words and I know that feeling.  Here are some contacts I found in staten island that may be beneficial.  

Safe Horizon domestic abuse center https://www.safehorizon.org/

Crisis counseling and referral services https://sisandyhelp.org/crisis-counseling-referral-services/

Stated Island university hospital bereavement services http://www.siuh.edu/Our-Services/Clinical-Services/Hospice/Bereavement-Services.aspx

Stated island private grief counseling center emma's place http://www.siuh.edu/Our-Services/Clinical-Services/Hospice/Bereavement-Services.aspx

crisis line 

Crisis hotline 

1-800-LIFENET (543-3638) is a free, confidential, multi-lingual, mental health and substance abuse information, referral, and crisis prevention hotline available to anyone at any time.

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In the beginning, I felt paralyzed a lot of the time and like I couldn't breathe and couldn't swallow, even though I was breathing and swallowing. It's important to take one step at a time and don't be too hard on yourself - like don't worry about what people think. Usually they will understand what you are going through more than you would ever dream. You may feel totally alone, but you aren't. You really can find a lot of support and comfort here. No one will judge you and people really want to help because we all are on the same path in some way or another and we all have been tremendously helped by the love and support we have found here. Keep coming back and let us know how you are doing, ok? And remember to take care of yourself and be careful as you drive, walk, or do anything else that could be dangerous. In the beginning it is amazing how easy it is to fall, forget to eat/drink/sleep, and so on

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Can you pay your bills on line?  I do that and it only takes me a few minutes and that way you don't have to leave your home.  If you don't have enough money, make a list of the bills, categorize them as to essential, non-essential.  Pay the essential ones, call the others and tell them your income is cut and you'll keep them appraised as to what is going on.  Maybe apply for emergency food stamps and see if there's a church that can help you out (our church helps the struggling locals), get food from a food bank, etc.

Above all, hang in there!  You only have to do today and then repeat.  Dogs are wonderful, mine is great incentive for me, when you have someone depending on you that is so loving, it can be a blessing.

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Thank you all for the replies.

Paralyzed is the word. Exactly how I feel. Thank you for the crisis hotline info. I have been utilizing those avenues but nothing seems to help. I have a bereavement counselor, a regular md and a psych nurse practitioner. I have been told to try new meds. I left a message with the office, which isn't the most reliable. They take a long time to call back and I feel I need a better one on one counselor. 

I can't stop thinking about her. I feel like someone cut my legs off.

It is also hard to get anywhere because my car is totaled and my license has been taken away since I got into the car accident. I am waiting to get a conditional license so I have freedom to travel. Getting around where I live by bus is hard and I don't have the money for car service all the time. 

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2 hours ago, ilotuslove@aol.com said:

Paralyzed is the word. Exactly how I feel.

I think that's how all of us feel in the beginning of our grief.

Do you have insurance that will cover replacing your car?  It is hard to get around by bus, I did it when I was younger, that or bicycle.  Where I live there is no public transportation and it's too far to walk.  It's going to be really important to make some decisions that will help you put your life back together.
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/08/coping-with-sorrow-in-grief.html

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/04/finding-grief-support-that-is-right-for.html

http://ezinearticles.com/?Youve-Got-the-Power-How-to-Know-If-You-Are-Doing-Your-Grief-Work&id=9047323

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Take one day at a time and try to take one positive step a day.  Prioritize bills, it's all you can do.  When my George died, my income was cut in half, and hospital bills were pouring in, I didn't see how I could make it, then I lost my job...again and again.  Yet somehow I'm still here.

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4 minutes ago, kayc said:

Take one day at a time and try to take one positive step a day.  Prioritize bills, it's all you can do.  When my George died, my income was cut in half, and hospital bills were pouring in, I didn't see how I could make it, then I lost my job...again and again.  Yet somehow I'm still here.

Thank you KAYC

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