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Tomorrow marks the 3 month anniversary of Dad's passing.  My mom called me a little bit ago and told me that she received several checks today from the life insurance for Dad.  I was in the car and when I hung up I just lost it.  By the time I got in my driveway I was sobbing so hard I could not hardly breath.  It is weird what sets it off.  Just the sound of it was like a smack in the face.  This just really sucks.

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3 minutes ago, phoenixtag said:

Yep Cheryl...it does.

It does get better with time....but never goes away completely.

You're doing a great thing by reaching out.

Best to you.

 

Thanks for the kind words!

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Hi Cheryl - I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My dad died in January and it's been really hard. We were really close and I took care of him during his last ten years with Parkinson's.

I know what you mean by the triggers. Sometimes it can seem very mysterious as to what will set off a big reaction - and why. I have felt the same sensations I did in the beginning - like my chest was crushed, I couldn't breathe or swallow, and the bottom had dropped out from my stomach and my world - every time I went in Walmart. I wasn't sure why. And then one day I was talking to someone about the trigger and realized that more and more toward the end of his life, every time I was in Walmart I would be looking around to find something that would help him, make his life easier, make him safer, make him smile or laugh, or ultimately to save him. But once he had died, it was too late to do any of those things, no matter how enormous the store is.

Grief does suck, and the deeper your love was, the more painful the grief. It does get better to some degree. I am able to cope with my days a lot better than I did in the beginning, but I am still really struggling with his loss. Also, I talk to people all the time who tell that they lost their dad so many years ago, "and I still miss him every day".

Stay in touch with us, ok?

Laura

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19 hours ago, Clematis said:

Hi Cheryl - I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My dad died in January and it's been really hard. We were really close and I took care of him during his last ten years with Parkinson's.

I know what you mean by the triggers. Sometimes it can seem very mysterious as to what will set off a big reaction - and why. I have felt the same sensations I did in the beginning - like my chest was crushed, I couldn't breathe or swallow, and the bottom had dropped out from my stomach and my world - every time I went in Walmart. I wasn't sure why. And then one day I was talking to someone about the trigger and realized that more and more toward the end of his life, every time I was in Walmart I would be looking around to find something that would help him, make his life easier, make him safer, make him smile or laugh, or ultimately to save him. But once he had died, it was too late to do any of those things, no matter how enormous the store is.

Grief does suck, and the deeper your love was, the more painful the grief. It does get better to some degree. I am able to cope with my days a lot better than I did in the beginning, but I am still really struggling with his loss. Also, I talk to people all the time who tell that they lost their dad so many years ago, "and I still miss him every day".

Stay in touch with us, ok?

Laura

Thanks Laura, actually I got through today pretty okay.  A few crying spells but my employees were so supportive today because they knew where I was at with my feelings.  I just stayed super busy and when I got home I put my dads hat on that he always wore when he worked in the yard.  Needless to say I mowed and other stuff so he was with me. :)

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2 hours ago, Cheryl J said:

 I put my dads hat on that he always wore when he worked in the yard.  Needless to say I mowed and other stuff so he was with me. :)

That's really great, Cheryl, that he was hanging out with you in the yard. Does he talk to you, or do you just feel his presence. I hear my dad talking to me - I think he has to speak up to get my attention. I think he is around other times, and Lena the cat is certainly aware when he is around, but she is more sensitive to that than I am.

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10 hours ago, Clematis said:

That's really great, Cheryl, that he was hanging out with you in the yard. Does he talk to you, or do you just feel his presence. I hear my dad talking to me - I think he has to speak up to get my attention. I think he is around other times, and Lena the cat is certainly aware when he is around, but she is more sensitive to that than I am.

I don't hear him.  I wish I did.  Sometimes I feel him but not often.

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I wonder what he'll do when I am camping at the music festival this weekend. When he was alive - some years ago - I tried to get him to go with me. He wouldn't even discuss that or how it could work. I think it just seemed too daunting, given his health problems. But he always wanted to hear all about it when I got back. It would have been right up his alley when he was younger - a lot younger. Well I hope he'll come with me in his spirit form.

Keep listening and maybe you'll hear more of him. I think it's more a matter of not writing off what might be him talking to you than trying. To me it seems like if you think you might hear him or feel him near you, it's probably true.

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