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Sherr

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About Sherr

  • Birthday 10/25/1969

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    May 21, 2009
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Canada

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    CANADA
  • Interests
    Everyday I get up, I decide what to do then, and not a minute sooner. My emotions are all over the place, so I need to keep them under wraps..
  1. I went with my Dad who is elderly, but has 't been with my Mom for over 30 years and because they were still "technically" married, he has an opportunity to suvivor Pension. as fhere is also a Death benefit that I would be intitled too, but do not in any way want my dad to have it. We had this conversation waiting to talk to someone about this, and he said, "well if there is money involved, I should take it" See the thing is this: he has not spoken to her or said very pleasant things in the last 30 years, so my anger towards that comment was very upsetting and he didn't acknowledge it and at that point I wanted to ask " what did you do ot deserve this????. I realize he is getting old, what had he done to help out my mom in the last 30 years, was nothing, didn't even acknowledge her existance unless I had mentioned it T his isn;t about the money as apposed to that I think he didn't deserve it. This is the week I have had....all this paperwork for a few dollars....how frustrating..
  2. I haven't dreamedof my Mom yet and it's only 2mths, but I think I know why. I haven't even dealt with my own guilt in order for me to get on with everything else. I hope that my Mom is waiting for me to get passed this so that I can see her. A thought keeps running through my head that if i didn't think about her everyday, that I am not honoring her. That is what I am dealing with, along with good therapy.....I am trying to deal with the grief and pain first before I can feel her, I think. I have an older picture on my fridge when I was 2ish and she was holding me and my sis...that is what I want to remember her by...so beautiful and someon told me that is what she probably looks like now...It just so painful...I am already fearing Christmas because that is when it all startd. Dec 24, 2008....I already didn't enjoy it much, but now I need to try to un-signify it, but that is then, not now.....I just want to know that she is ok now...not everyone telling me that, i already know!! I need to know directly from her........"'( <===== that is the picture I have on my fridge....that is what I need to see to feel better and sad................
  3. I just had the same thing happen to me. One of my good friend's step-dad just passed away on Sunday and my Mom just passed away exactly 2mths ago today, and her dad was in the same hospital as my Mom was and I told her that I couldn't come to comfort her and her family, she understood, but she didn't realize until today, why i couldn't go there and I also told her that I probably would not go to her Dad's wake. I am just getting by now and I do not want to relive the last 2mths as it is never going to be gone. She understood, I hope. So the choice is really what you can handle and believe me, I can handle alot!
  4. I agree with you! Don't tell me when I should feel better or I should already be feeling better, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH!!! That is what I would like to tell some people..and i need to tell myself that too. I am one to want things done with and get on with it, but I am learning that it isn't that simple. My Mom passed May 21, 2009, 2ths exactly and she has been heavy in my mind, as she should be, so this journey we are on is never ending......
  5. I know how you feel, and it has been exactly 2 mths today, that my Mom passed away and what a extremely hard time I had with it. My mom did not have cancer, but other ailments, which does not make any difference to anyone what happened, because it happened. I go to therapy because my "cup had runneth over" and I wouldn't be in the frame of mind I am now, if I didn't, and as I also take meds to ease the anxiety that I endured for the first time in my life. I started reading books and learned alot about what was going on, and that I wasn't the only one...as we all feel. Lately I have been missing her terribley and my guilt seems to want to surface again and try and push me backwards, but I am trying to push back. I am the type to want this done with and get on with it, but I am also learning it is not all in my control and have to adjust accordingly. I know that I think of her everyday, but sometimes I feel I don't think of her and the guilt of it hurts so much. It's like I forgot for one split second and then it hits me that I will nver see her again. It is just a roller coaster ride everyday, but I know it will get better but never will i forget her. I just wnat her back and I know that we are all in the same boat and that is why I came here, to vent to share and know that there are others like me. tears and huggs to all.
  6. I know how yo feel and I am going to tell you a little stroy and not that it is worse/better than anyone's else's situation, but it may make you feel better. this is my story. this is why you feel so much guilt, but after ll this happened to me and I had no other family support, therapy and medication were a godsend. I am not big on it, ubt in order the athe anxiety that i started having, it helped and so did a therapist. I would not be feeling somewhat normal, if those things weren't there. I hope when you read this, I haven't scared you or made you feel worse, but sometimes when you here someone's else's story, you know what the new normal is. I kept getting told it will get better, and it did, it just takes a while, but I know I it will never go away for good. I now think to myself, "what or how would my Mom want mt to do?" and I already know that answer.....takes time and for me it is still fresh...... (((((((HHHHUUUUGGGSSS))))))) What the hell is wrong with the system?? I, too had a very similar experience and have endured 5mths of anxiety and heartache, trauma, anger, sadness, anger and more anger, but I managed to suppress it, only because I needed to be there for my Mom. My mom was first hospitalized on Dec 24, 2008 (in BC) and to a hospital which I absolutely heard nothing but negativity with, but being the closest thing to her, it had to be done. She was delirious, to say the least, I had no idea what happened to her, as she stated that she may have had a stroke, but I did know that definitely she was not the same person and she didn’t function properly. Now, my mom was a bi-lateral amputee, which means she had no legs, due to Diabetes (terrible disease!!) so she needed use of a wheelchair, which she had a motorized one. She was very independent, sometimes almost too much, but as long as I talked to her every other day, I knew she was ok. So, that day she was off to the hospital via ambulance and had a stay of 5 days in emergency, because of the overload of people, I guess. So now, after her 3 day there, somehow someone left her rails of her bed down and she fell onto the floor. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE LOOK ON MY FACE WHEN I ARRIVED THERE LATER?????????????????? All I got was, "oh, she fell out of bed and we don’t know how"? HOW DO YOU REACT TO THAT?? IAM AT THERE MERCY TO TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER, WHO IS OBVIOUSLY NOT QUITE COHEARANT, AND THIKS SHE CAN DO WHAT SHE NORMALLY DOES?? WAS ANYONE CONCERNED?? WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE THERE EVERY WAKING HOUR, JUST SO THAT I COULD MAKE SURE SHE WAS OK????? These are the questions that still race in my head and no wonder I can't over this!!!! Oh and there is more.......so, after she fell out of bed, they are now on alert of her and carefully watching her, not to mention that she had x-rays and there was a fracture in her back.......an now here is where I question her safety in this hospital. Her quality of life has now been diminished by this "accident" and now not only dealing with the goings on of why she isn't coherently there, but now for sure, she cannot use the strength of her arms, with her back to get in and out of her chair!!!!!!! LIKE, HOW CAN ANYONE DEAL WITH SUCH INCOMPATANTCIES??? I am relying on the system to do their job and not have me meddle, but in the other hand I know that I cannot possibly take care of my Mother single handily, I don’t have the strength, no one does, as it take a toll on your well-being and life. To carry on with my story, she was now very incapacitated and very unhappy and very uncomfortable etc... this is so heartbreaking to see and as I had to endure it every day that she was there and still work full time, with NO time off....she eventually went to a room, but no conclusive evidence of a stroke, but definitely something not right, but hey, I am no Dr........she stayed there for about 3 weeks and then they called me that day that she was being let go, but with no notice of it, and told me she was on her way..in a taxi and I talked to a Dr and he says that she seems ok, and that she wanted to go home......who the hell would want to stay there anyways??? But whatever...I meet her at her apt. where she has been taxied and when she gets out I know that she is not alright, but once again, what do I know?? I get her settled and I know that she is still in alot of pain with her back, and I am not confident about her staying by herself, but I don't have a choice, but I see her everyday and call her every day to make sure she is ok. Now, here is the next in my traumatic journey, in just 2 weeks something happened to her and now it seems she had a stroke and she was not capable to call 911 and I tried to call her (as \I went away for a few days and asked that my cousin do something if I need her to get to my Mom, but I failed to give my cousin my mom's phone number...(guilt part 2) so as it was, I called my Mom and she never answered the phone. I called half a dozen times and then got a sudden sick feeling like something was very wrong. I go there and more traumas I endured, yet again, and she was not ok and that she must have been on her couch for maybe 2 days, straight..(I will never know) There is more to this, but I am keeping the graphics out of this. I call the ambulance and off to the same hospital she goes......the terror of that was too much, but I had no other options... She spent all of Feb, March and was moved to a temp. Care facility in April. End of April, she was moved to a permanent place and that is where is basically passed away. So within 5 mths, my Mom is gone, poof..just like that. The last traumatic scene to all this was when she got moved to her new place she was only there for about 3 weeks when she had to be admitted to ICU as she apparently had a heart attack....She had been nauseated for the last 4 days of her life and when the day that I went to visit her, was the last day that I would have any verbal contact with her..if only I knew, but I that is why I went to visit that day....I knew...something......She was rushed to another hospital, the good one that I like, and was in ICU until she passed away. When I originally got the 'good" hospital, and they examined here etc..She had a tube down her throat..etc... and the Dr basically said her body was shutting down and explained my options, none of them that would make her quality of life any better....he mentioned that she was this and that and dehydrated..well funny enough I told him she had been sick all week....now would anyone agree that, that is a red flag screaming????? So this is where I am at.......angry, pissed off, hurt trying to cope with my mom's death, trying to reason with not blaming the governing bodies involved....I am not sure why I haven't started smoking again....
  7. I am new at this thing called 'grief" and I am the type of person who wants this gone, yesterday, so now I have to learn how to deal with the emotions I have buried, and long story short, my Mom passed without me saying ok....funny how that wounds, but I am not ok with it. I feel that the health care system here is very flawed and very poor. I haven't even dealt with that yet, I am just trying to deal with my own feelings and I don;t have family memebers that can help. My Dad hasn't been together wiht my Mom for 30m years and so he is no help to me and my sister, well lets just say, I feel she just used my Mom..but that is not why I am here to talk about. I know I have been through the worst 5mths of my life and in the mix, my Dad has a stroke, but has recovered, but my sanity has been put into question adn that is why I chose therapy right away. It is helping and I know it is a long road, and it may never go away, but can be managed. Sometimes life just sucks, but we need to get back up and keep going...that is all I know...
  8. I know how you are feeling. As my Mom just passed away May 21, 2009, my world went from bad to worse...long, long story...but I started to get anxiety attacks, and believe me, I have never had an issue with blood pressure, but it felt like my heart was going to pound right out of my chest, and that was when I was at a resting rate?? Go figure...I didn't like that feeling at all, and I knew that it was serious, but I couldn't control the pounding, so I went to the Dr's and got some meds for aniety, Ciprelex, (anti-depressant) and they seem to do the job. It doens't take all the sadness away, as things can trigger it for me, namely father's day...that was an extremely hard day for me, (MoM and Dad haven't been together for the last 30 years) so, emotiionally it was so hard, that I would never see my Mom again. I also went straight to therapy as now, my life just opened up a whole can of whoop-a**. It will be costly, but has been be done, for my sanity's sake and well being. So having said all that, I understand as well as so many others, but getting help always helps!! (((HHUUUUGGGSSS)))
  9. Sorry to hear about your Dad, this is the start of something you will never feel the same again. I lost my Mom May 21, 2009 and I am a strong person and this has taken me over the edge of my emotional existance as ahuman being. I won't tell you it is all roses, and as I am learning and writing things in this chat site, you will find that there are so many people who will listen to you, give any help they can and we can all relate. it is amazing how something so tragic can make so many people feel comfortable. I don't know how old you are, but my susggestion is talk to your DR about this, as they can possibly help y0ou out. I have been under tremendous stress in the last 5 mths and I was taking over the counter sleeps meds that didn;t do much, as they never kept me asleep. Get some books from the library or buy some, you will want to read a little insight to what to expect. Everyone deals withgrief very differently, and some not at all. I am trying to get on my road to feel better, with a little therapy and meds to help me survive everyday. You will find a way, if not, come here and I know that someone, like myself will respond to you. I hope that I didn't scare you, but this is a journey of how much lover you can have for a person, I know now, what that feels like... ((((((((((((((((HHHHUUUUUUGGGGSSSSS)))))))))))))))))))
  10. Thanks ever so much for listening. As you can see I have alot of pain that I am trying to get a handle on, via therapy. It is helping, but this is not quite over yet...I actually saved my conversation to this discusssion, just so that I remember what i went through, but try to overcome it somehow. I am so glad I found this site, expressing how I fell and listening to how otheres feel and what they have gone through, makes it easier to understand why I feel all this hurt. I am the strongest person I know, but now I find that I seemed to have an anxiety problem, that goes without saying, I stuffed everything away, just so I can look strong for those who need, but I also neglected myself in the process. I have to undo years of damage and also try to heal.......((((huggs)))) to all and myself...
  11. What the hell is wrong with the system?? I, too had a very similar experience and have endured 5mths of anxiety and heartache, trauma, anger, sadness, anger and more anger, but I manged to supress it, only because I needed to be there for my Mom. My mom was first hospitalized on Dec 24, 2008 (in BC) and to a hospital which I ablsolutely heard nothing but negativity with, but being the closest thing to her, it had to be done. She was delierious, to say the least, I had no idea what happened to her, as she stated that she may have had a stroke, but I did know that definately she was not the same person and she didnt function properly. Now, my mom was a bi-lateral amputee, which means she had no legs, due to Diabetes (terrible disease!!) so she needed use of a wheelchair, which she had a motorized one. She was very independant, sometimes almost too much, but as long as I talked to her every other day, I knew she was ok. So, that day she was off to the hopsital via ambulance and had a stay of 5 days in emergency, because of the overload of people, I guess. So now, after her 3 day there, somehow someone left her rails of her bed down and she fell onto the floor. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE LOOK ON MY FACE WHEN I ARRIVED THERE LATER?????????????????? WTF???????????? (sorry) All I got was, "oh, she fell out of bed and we don;t know how"? HOW DO YOU REACT TO THAT?? IAM AT THERE MERCY TO TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER, WHO IS OBVIOUSLY NOT QUITE COHEARANT, AND THIKS SHE CAN DO WHAT SHE NORMALLY DOES?? WAS ANYONE CONCERNED?? WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE THERE EVERY WAKING HOUR, JUST SO THAT I COULD MAKE SURE SHE WAS OK????? These are the questions that still race in my head and no wonder I can't over this!!!! Oh and threre is more.......so, after she fell out of bed, they are now on alert of her and carefully watching her, not to mention that she had xrays and there was a fracture in her back.......an now here is where i question her safety in this hospital. Her quality of life has now been diminished by this "accident" and now not only dealing with the goings on of why she isn't cohearantly there, but now for sure, she cannot use the strenght of her arms, with her back to get in and out of her chair!!!!!!! LIKE, HOW CAN ANYONE DEAL WITH SUCH INCOMPATANTCIES??? I am relying on the sysytem to do their job and not have me meddle, but in the other hand I know that I cannot possibly take care of my Mother single handedly, I don;t have the strength, no one does, as it take a toll on your well-being and life. To carry on with my story, she was now very incapacitated and very unhappy and very uncomfortable etc... this is so heartbreaking to see and as I had to endure it everyday that she was there and still work full time, with NO time off....she eventually went to a room, but no conclusive evidence of a stroke, but definatley something not right, but hey, I am no Dr........she stayed there for about 3 weeks and then they called me that day that she was being let go, but with no notice of it, and told me she was on her way..in a taxi and I talked to a Dr and he says that she seems ok, and that she wanted to go home......who the hell would want to stay there anyways??? But whatever...I meet her at her apt. where she has been taxied and when she gets out I know that she is not alright, but once again, what do I know?? I get her settled and I know that she is still in alot of pain with her back, and I am not confident about her staying by herself, but I don't have a choice, but I see her everyday and call her every day to make sure she is ok. Now, here is the the next in my traumatic journey, in just 2 weeks something happened to her and now it seems she had a stroke and she was not capable to call 911 and I tried to call her (as \i went away for a few days and asked that my cousin do something if I need her to get to my Mom, but I failed to giver my cousin my mom's phone number...(guilt part 2) so as it was, I called my Mom and she never answered the phone. I callled half a dozen times and then got a sudden sick feeling like something was very wrong. I go there and more trauma I endured, yet again, and she was not ok and that she must have been on her couch for maybe 2 days, straight..(I will never know) There is more to this, but I am keeping the graphics out of this. I call the ambulance and off to the same hospital she goes......the terror of that was too much, but I had no other options... She spent all of Feb, March and was moved to a temp. care facility in April. End of April, she was moved to a permanent place and that is where is basically passed away. So within 5 mths, my Mom is gone, poof..just like that. The last traumatic scene to all this was when she got moved to her new place she was only there for a bout 3 weeks when she had to be admitted to ICU as she apparently had a heart attack....She had been nauseated for the last 4 days of her life and when the day that I went to visit her, was the last day that I would have any verbal contact with her..if only I knew, but I that is why I went to visit that day....I knew...something......She was rushed to another hospital, the good one that I like, and was in ICU until she passed away. When I orginally got the the 'good" hospital, and they examined here etc..she had a tube down her thorat..etc... and the Dr basically said her body was shutting down and explained my options, none of them that would make her quality of lief any better....he mentioned that seh was this and that and dehydrated..well funny enough I told him she had been sick all week....now would anyone agree that, that is a red flag screaming????? So this is where I am at.......angry, pissed off, hurt trying to cope with my mom's death, trying to reason with not blaming the governing bodies involved....I am not sure why I haven't started smoking again....and therapy will get expensive once I have met my extended amount....
  12. WOW! You sound like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My Mom just died May 21, 2009 and the power of love for a parent is so intense, you want to run. I was in a similar situation, as I am the oldest of 2 and I have been the caregiver for everyone for a very long time. I don't have any kids, but if I did, I have no idea how I would cope, because this has been the icing on my cake. "Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman. Find it, and read it, I just started and it has given me some insight. I wasn't there when my Mom took her last breath as I could not and would not be able to deal with that. I wanted to remeber her asshe looked, even though she was very ill at the time. I have been off work since May 15, and in therapy as I know that this is my limit. The emotional roller coaster is so horrible, and I won't be kind about it, but try reading, going online. I am the strongest person I know, but when my chest feels like I have a black mass in it and my heart is racing when I am at rest, there is something there that no one can describe, unless they have been there, and this is now, what I know. The last 5 mths for me have been over the top stressful, not only did my Mom get hospitalized 3 times, but my Dad had a stroke in Feb, so because I am the oldest, and most responsible, I have to bear both crisis, my sister isn't even mentioned as she has her own issues. I am not surprised that after a year of not smoking, that I haven't started again, but that is my willpower. So , to you I GET IT!!!!!!!!!!! I am now taking Antidep. and I take something to sleep as I have been taking obver the counter sleep meds for the last 5 mths and could figure out why they were not doing the job. I am taking it one day at a time, because that is all I can take. I definately feel what you are feeling....
  13. Oh boy! I am sure I am not the only one, but the pain is so aweful, you think, "how can this be?" I am new to this as well as my Mom passed May 21, 2009. But in my case I was very close to her and she was only 63. There is a book i found called Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss by Hope Edelman and I have only read a few chapters, but I gives insight for every different aspect of women who went through the same thing. It has been so severe for me that I went into therapy right away before I cracked under the pressure. I don't have a big family and my Dad is not part of this equation. I have a sister, but she is not capable to help out, so that leaves me. The last 5 mths for me have been an absolute traumatic experience, that I wonder how I got through it all, hence instant therapy....... I am the strongest person I know, but this is my limit, and I have to give in. Find the on person you can confide in and utilize them. Find books, read anything you can find online, that is all i have been doing, just trying to cope... Hope this helped a little.... ((((((((((((((huggs)))))))))))))))
  14. Thank you so much for a reply....it means so much that I am not going crazy, even though I know there are so many people out there feeling like this or have. ((((huggs)))) Thanks...
  15. I am so new at this, and I cannot stand this!!!! Mine is fresh, only 2 weekds since my MOm passed............the worst day of my life.......today I was an absolute s***** day for me.........actually for the last 3 days.....can't seem to get it truned around...I feel all that you are..........
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