SandraH

Wonderful attitude!

My uncle has lost 5 people that were all very close to him in a short time frame in different ways. He is very shy and wont open up! I guess he feels as a man he should be tough, but no one expects that of him. He lost his wife who left him while he was at work and left the kids in bed asleep (he worked night shift) and she left before he got home. He came home to a note lying on his bed. He adopted her son and has one biological daughter whom decided to move in with her Mom and leave my uncle. The child of hers that he adopted is well grown (24) and still lives with him but they dont get along at all. My unlce lost his dad 3 years (died of heart failure) ago and then 9 months ago his brother (died from drug abuse aged 49) and now one month ago (my Mom aged 54) his sister died of cancer! He is the youngest of his siblings (use to be 4 of them) and now it is just him and my other uncle alive. My Grandma is still alive and I have no idea how she does it. Shes a rock. Shes lost 2 of her children and her husband. My uncle wont open up but yet needs help and also really needs a companion. He is sooo lonely and now that my Mom is gone...he is falling to pieces. Can anyone give me some advise for him? Hes my uncle and I love him to death and I hate seeing him like this. His daughter hardly ever comes to see him and yet this man has a heart of GOLD!

Starkiss - Just wanted to tell you that my Mom lived in Pickering as well and that I grew up in Pickering! I am 28 now, married and we live in Whitby! Nice to meet you neighbour!

If she had the power to do that, she would!! She may not be capable and maybe she is showing you she is with you in a different way! I wish that you will get that phone call next year, as I think it would be a wonderful birthday gift! Take care!

Bell, I am very sorry for your loss and I know exactly what you re going through! I lost my Mom on Jan.23, 2010 and I know what you mean when you say the one person that loved you unconditonally, the one who would give thier life for you, the one that was always there is no longer there. Well he is actually there. He is with you everday and everywhere you go. He is on your memories, your heart, and you probably have pictures of him around your home. He is with you in spirit. The only thing that is missing is his shell (body) that he occupied while he was alive. Without a body you cant see a person. This is where its hard for us. He could be standing beside you consouling you and you dont see him. The body that you hugged and kissed is gone, but the heart, spirit and the inside of that person is still with you! Never listen to anyone who tells you that you should be over him by now. Tell them to mind their own and go about their day as you go about yours. I still cry about Mom and memories make me cry too because I know that I cant make more memories. I know how you feel. Drop the negative people in your life and keep the good ones! God Bless you and keep going hour by hour, day by day! You will get there when you are ready!

I am sorry for your loss! I just want to say that EVERYONE grieves in their own way and no one has the right to tell you to cry or not to cry. This is your body and you have the right to as you please! Don't listen to anyone who is negative towards how you are feeling and pour our heart out if you want to. If you feel you want to hold it in then you have that right too but then I would suggest going to seek help because holding things in can be dangerous! I am sorry your family is being selfish towards you and also, come here to this forum and tell us what you have to say either while crying or while dryed eyed...we will accept it all! Sandra

You are NOT alone! I felt the same way (Mom passed away January 23, 2010) and I went nuts and still do sometimes. I just started to seek help and I hope she can help me! You're Dad is with you all the time but you just cant see him, touch him, kiss him, hug him or poke him. He is there for you to talk to and even cry to! He will listen and might even help you through your terrible journey we are going through! You have all of us who know how you are feeling. My family belives that I am the strong one in my family as well and my mom always told my sister that she was worried about dying because my sister would die right after her of heartbreak. Mom use to say Jenn (sister) you are the weakest link in our family and Sandra (me) you are the rock! She was so wrong. My sister is normally the weak one when it comes to deaths and I step right up but when it came to my Moms death I am the weakest link and I go to my sister for support some days because she is taking this way better than I am. I feel for you and I am sorry for your loss, but know that you are not alone or else this forum would be empty! Brighter days are ahead and the first year is the hardest but your days will get easier. You will soon listen to a song and a smile will come to your face and the same goes with TV. Chin up! Sandra

Thank you both for your sympathetic replies as I needed that so much especially today! Today its been a month and even though it feels like it happened yesterday I feel like I havent been with her for 10 years at the same time. It brings me comfort to think that Mom is picking me an angel as my baby and will send him/her to me once she is finished making my angel perfect! I hope they are having Grandma time right now as I write this and that when she is finished I will get pregnant and see my Mom in my angels eyes as my angel has already met Grandma before and knows who she is before he/she even knows who I am! Thank you so much for your support and I am here for both of you as well if you ever need a rant a rave or a warm message (female) written Kathy! With Love, Sandra

My pleasure! Thank you for your compliments!

I am sorry for your loss! I lost my Mom on Jan, 23, 2010. If your dad is creamated buy a small urn and attach it to your bouquet and have your mom or a close male walk you down the aisle with the urn attached to your flowers. Dance with a close male or your Mom to father/daughter dance to the song you picked for you and your dad...dont change the song. Or you and the urn could dance alone. Not creamated - use a very special item of his (eg. watch) and attach it to your bouquet. Do the same thing but with his special item. Even though he is not there to walk with you in person he is there in spirit - I promise! My Grandpa and one of my uncles passed away before my wedding so my grandma put a vase with two roses in it to represent my uncle and my grandfather. One of my alive uncles made a speech to announce that he was going to dance with me in my Grandfather and my Uncles place. We grabbed the vase with the two roses that represented each man and we danced. The roses on our table representing 2 men The roses on our table again My uncle announcing my Granfather/Uncle dance Still announcing he is going to dance with me for Grandpa and Uncle Jim My dance with my Grandpa, my unlce and my other uncle I hope this helps you! Sandra

Thank you Ron! My Mom was so beautiful!! Thank you Marty! I will take your advise! I am very happy that you both have gotten back to me so soon! I have tried a hospice in my area and another place in my area (name forgotten) and they are still from before Jan. 23, 2010 looking for someone to help me with my grief. Its been almost a month and nothing! Sandra

You are so not alone!! I am really bad! I miss my Mom more than I ever thought was possible. She was my whole world. I fight with my husband or more to the point I YELL at him about everything because I dont know where to aim my emotions! Where do you put your emotions? She passed on Jan. 23, 2010! I am LOST and I am looking for support from someone! Thank you!