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Boo Mayhew

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About Boo Mayhew

  • Birthday 05/04/1964

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    6 January 2009
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  • Website URL
    http://boomayhew.blogspot.com/
  • ICQ
    0

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    London, UK
  • Interests
    Music, reading, travelling

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2,391 profile views
  1. Hi again Boo! It cut me off. Hope to hear from you and see you on the boards again.

    At least sometimes. You're right though, we all need to live our lives,but,its good for all of us to have someone like you around.

    Thank's for being there when you can!

    James

  2. Hi Boo!

    Hope you are well. Read your blog. You surely went through alot. Only you know how you feel, just as we all each know how we feel. As I told you before, your words of wisdom helped me when I needed it. I am feeling better,but, I will always have my memories and sometimes the sadness and sorrow sneaks out at me. I hope to be working again and that should help.

    Hope ...

  3. James and Missyme - thank you both for your lovely comments ... I have stopped participating on the boards and blogging for now at least ... it feels as though I just need to live my life, rather than analyse everything that I'm doing these days :-) But I will always be happy to be here for you if you need to talk x

  4. I read your blog and you are fun and wise and just what I needed to read. Thank you

  5. Hi Boo!

    I understand you are working long hours,but,this discussion group is not complete without your input. I am sure everyone will agree with that. Hope you are well. Looking forward to seeing you online.

    Take care,

    James

  6. Marsha, I hope that your heart is full of happy memories ... and that the brutality of pain is diminishing, slowly but surely. Peace and strength to you, my friend. xx
  7. oh Valley, thanks for sharing your NYE memories with us. Cliff and I would celebrate with a big kiss, and just hold each other for a bit, afirework or two, a cocktail, bubbles or something, usually at home with friends, the last one was just us alone. The tears will flow at midnight. I shall light a candle, raise my glass to him and speak to him. Then I will pop next door for a while before bed. Happy New Year to you and all here ... may it bring us peace, strength and may our happiness increase with each month of the year xx
  8. Tracey, I can't advise you on which med to take. All I can tell you is that each person reacts differently to grief (and many react differently to meds! I, personally made the decision not to take them in the end as the ones I took gave me suicidal thoughts - which is rare - but enough to scare me into wanting to not take any others either!). In the end, I looked at it this way: the definition of depression is feeling sad without a reason, and felt that I certainly had reason to be sad, and should grieve rather than take pills. I was scared that they would mask the feelings, suppress them even, and could not face the risk of having to go backwards on this journey and do half of it all over again. Caveat: this is JUST my personal take and it relates to ME. Everyone is so different, everyone of us unique, our loss unique in itself, and our reactions again differ too, even if there are many similarities. Listen to your body, speak to your doctor, and one day at a time. I think you will intuitively know which med is right for you when you are going through this. I think you are still early days ... one breath at a time, one step at a time. Learn to be patient with you. Learn to be kind to YOU. I can tell you what has helped me: posting here, blogging, talking about my husband and how I feel, what I fear, what I think. Making plans, even tenuous ones ... which give me something to look forward to, e.g. a weekend with my sister. Try to eat and sleep whenever you can. This is incredibly tiring - exhausting actually. I am almost at the one year anniversary (in a week) and still find it hard to believe ... but I am coping better, even if the pain is still here - but the pain has changed, it is incorporated into me, and his love (and mine) are still here with me. The love is what gets you through. Right now it may feel as though you cannot see that, because you are in such darkness, but I promise you it is still there and one day you will feel it again. Peace to you and strength, I really hope you get the meds resolved - it makes it even harder doesn't it? I mean, on a basic level, just to do anything when you are unwell and makes you feel even more alone. HUGS
  9. Korina and Kat - please look after yourselves and be gentle with YOU now ... the 6 month mark was very hard for me. Like I was starting to come out of the fog and I felt as though I would never come out of that deep dark place that I dropped to. What I can tell you though is that I did, and so shall you (even if you don't believe me right now!). I am so sorry that your six month mark has coincided with Christmas - that is doubly hard :-( Wishing you peace and strength, Boo xxx
  10. Susan, I was overjoyed to see your name posted here! Even more so to learn that your prognosis is good :-) YAY! Thankfully Christmas is over for this year now .... this first one is so hard, isn't it? "Salud y muchas pesetas a ti" for 2010 xxxxx
  11. Em, I have been wondering how you are, especially over Christmas. I can share with you that when I have gone to places that are so strongly associated with Cliff, that the anticipation has always been worse than the actual reality of going there. Sometimes it has felt bittersweet, occasionally bringing a feeling of peace to me, even a smile ... other times there has been a tug on the heartstrings, also a feeling of accomplishment that I have managed to do it ... but there are some places I cannot go ... like the place we married in Jamaica for I know that would break me, or actually walk into our old apartment on the coast, for example (that would be self-torture). Sometimes when I drive down to the coast, the beauty of the sea - when I first catch a glimpse of it - takes my breath away, and I cry, but they are not bad tears, rather they are sacred tears, healing me ... I tend to think of it like this: nothing can really remind me more of Cliff, for I remember him all the time. And I carry him in my heart all the time. I take him everywhere with me. The old familiar places stand as evidence that it all really happened and that he loved me so much. BUT, if you are referring to a place that you associate with the loss rather than your Dad ... i.e. where he passed away, I think that's a different thing altogether. I found myself standing in the ward of the hospital where Cliff died (because my neighbour was ill and happened to be put in the same ward) - that effect was not positive at all. It was only 4 or 5 months after I lost him .... I started shaking so much one of the nurses came over to see if I was OK. I don't know how I would react today - but I don't particularly want to visit there. I'd rather remember him as he was, not as he died. But I may find myself there again one day, and it would not stop me providing someone else with support or comfort if they need it. Everyone is different ... as you know. But that's my personal experience. I don't know if you'd like to take a flower or something to place in this special place - is it in the great outdoors? Or, perhaps some rose petals to scatter? Or take a photo of the scene, and pick a flower (so you can press it ... then frame the photo and put the dried flower in the frame beside it...) Another idea is a little different, so bear with me ... how about taking a home printed photo of your Dad or one of your Dad with you and place it somewhere ... (leave it in a spot that you stood together on to appreciate a view, or by a tree, under a rock) ... so that you have not only taken him in your heart, but also literally left his mark, almost like he did upon this world and your very being). I read a blog where a widow travels quite a lot, and she does this, everywhere she goes ... and she photographs it. It brings her comfort ... and it's her way of taking him and her love for him into the future (or the past if you are going to a place that brings so many memories). You might find that too quirky, but I wanted to share it with you, just in case :-) Love to you Boo xxxx
  12. Kay, this is exactly what I was referring to in my last post (above yours) ... you have just reached me with words that bring me peace and a glimmer of hope. Thank you as always xx
  13. Merry Christmas from the UK, everyone! Those of you with children are probably waking up about now (in the States) ... and some of you have probably had a fitful sleep. Just know that I am thinking of you all and wishing you a peaceful day, filled with loving memories of your soul-mates ... try and wrap yourselves in the warmth of those memories. I wish you fun and laughter in between the tears. Be kind to yourselves today, please. Last night, at a minute past midnight I lit a candle for Cliff. Yes, I cried. But as the candle-light grew stronger, I dimmed my lounge lights and there was a strength emanating from that beautiful light ... the light that he is in my life. My tears stopped and I just lay there, bathed in the soothing peaceful light, surrounded by my sleepy dogs. I got such a feeling of peace that I decided to sleep on the couch for a while ... and did so till the early hours before retiring to that big old empty bed (not counting the dogs). Christmas Eve was harder for me than Christmas Day. I'd like to reassure you that I got through it, so you will get through today. Yes, there is pain, but there is also light. I know that for some of you, who have been widowed more recently, you are in such darkness right now that you cannot see it. But the light that your soulmate is in in your life is still there ... and you will see it again one day, I promise. I'll be thinking of you all today, and would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for being there for me and for each other ... and Marty, what can I say? What other on-line Counsellor is looking after her flock at 01h30 on Christmas Eve/Day? I'd hazard a guess that you were quite alone in doing so and there are no words beyond, "thank you" for your selfless behaviour. You truly are a light in all of our lives and we are so blessed to have you. Kay, Wendy, Kath, Marsha, Valley, CarrieBoo, Jeanne, Walt, Fred, Dusky et al ... thank you for holding my hand and gently encouraging me at the start of my journey. PJ, Kathy, Mark, Joanna, Korina et al ... thank you for holding my hand and walking next to me this year ... and to those of you who I feel I haven't really met yet (due to working ridiculous hours these past couple of months), I do read your posts and remember that part of my journey only too well ... I'd like to pluck you off the path and move you to where I am and beyond, but I can't. My heart goes out to each and every one of you today of all days. I think we really do encapsulate the spirit of Christmas (not the commercialized version) by being here for each other and helping each other, even though each one of us experiences our own pain - there is no more sacred a gift - thank you all. Have a peaceful Christmas. When I return home tonight after spending the afternoon / early evening (and dinner) with good friends on the coast, I shall be lighting two candles. One for my Cliffy, and one for all of your soulmates ... it doesn't seem enough, but I can't think of what else to do. So, there will be a light flickering in the London area for Bob, Tom, Neal, Steve, Denny, Stephen, David, Jeannie, George et al this evening. I hope that some of the strength from that candle-light reaches across the ocean whilst you are sitting down to Christmas Dinner. It is always a risk to name people, in case you omit someone. Please know that I didn't intend to ... and that you are all in my heart. Love and peace to you today, and light Boo xxx
  14. DeeGee - I just found these words on a friend's blog and had to share them with you: "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love." - Washington Irving
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