Thank you so much for all the kind words, Boo. My guilt is definitely mixed here. As much as I love my parents, they always seemed in indifferent, all the while insisting that they wanted to see their grandchildren that's all they seemeed to do, look at them. My children (10-15), reflect this indifference towards their grandparents which is a shame but at the same time a relief that they won't suffer through grieving. I can't judge my wife's reactions because she has seen so much pain and suffering and spent countless days seeing things that would make me lose my mind. She's not completely desensitized as she feels deeply for her best friend whose 11-year old son is autistic and says her friend goes through a sort of grieving process every day of her life. You maybe right about her guilt about the feud, I had never thought of that. For myself, I can't really afford to "lose it" as so many people depend on me, I just have to keep going and find my own time to grieve. Luckily, both my parents have given me their blessing to go on our vacation and my father said he will not contact us should she pass away while we are gone. Not waiting for a phone call will make a big difference in enjoying my time away. Part of the vacation will be visiting my wife's parents so there will be some opportunity for reflection for her. Again, thanks for the kind words and understanding, it really helps.