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DoubleJo

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About DoubleJo

  • Birthday 03/09/1950

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  • Website URL
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Profile Information

  • Location (city, state)
    Arizona
  • Interests
    owned electronics business. Nature, pets are my peace, travel entertains me. Avid reader. Retired.

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  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    na
  1. Funny I should hear from you today. I had my cocker put to sleep last Monday. He was 12 and discovered he had cancer. I hope you're doing super good, Starkiss- Love Doublejo

  2. Susanne: What is too soon? What is time? To a young person time moves too slowly. To an older person it moves too fast. If you feel the desire to keep your family intact with another cat, thats' fine. If you want to give your other kitty some extra time with you to explore its' personality more, that's also fine. Maybe spending new time with your other one first will answer your question. The way they act can help you decide. Here's a cute little story: My late husband had his daughters' 2 cockatiels, 15 years old when I got them! Each in their own cage, next to each they were very close. Wilma died last year. I waited to see how Fred would react, because being as old as he is I didn't want to get another to be left alone soon after, but he called and called for Wilma. I decided to get him a new friend, one not too people friendly, basically for him. I fell in love with a sweet little girl of 4 months. Now Fred is very happy having her next to him in her cage, and "Mushroom" ( because she popped up overnight like a mushroom) is in love with both of us. If I come into the kitchen she calls me and wants to play with me. So- Fred answered my question for me. Kisses to your others- DoubleJo
  3. Kim: Know that as you cry your eyes out- and you are very much allowed to do that!- your pain is shared. Another day gone by, another day to adjust. Keep goin! DoubleJo People think because someone died the situation is now over. No- its' just beginning. All the adjusting and heartwork has just begun. "All this time" is barely the amount of time spent with our loved one during their lives. People's perspective is distorted. One doesn't "move on" as if someone didn't exist. This isn't a schoolmate we lost touch with over the years. We need to move "through", getting to the other side, carrying our load with us but adjusting it so we can carry it more easily. This was, after all, the person we bonded with and chose, lived each and every day with, fighting together all that life brought our way. Someday these people may understand, and if they don't, well. then they weren't lucky enough to have this special experience with another person. DoubleJo
  4. Susanne, you mentioned his huge personality and how empty it feels without him. Every now and then we are lucky enough to have that "special" pet. The one who has this special bond, connection with us. I had 3 dogs, one a springer spaniel. He was my special one, and even tho I still had my other 2 when he had to be put to sleep, his personality was so large that the house felt empty without him. Even my late husband, who didn't want another dog, felt it so much that he agreed we had to find another springer. Now Maxi is 11 years old and sleeping more. Now its' his time getting closer. It's frustrating because we want them back, but can't have them. I look at my other guys and think how special they'll be when they're gone some day, each in their own way. I suppose it's like a puzzle- each part is needed to complete it, and if we're lucky enough to find all the pieces over our lifetime we will do that. Now I have my late husbands'"step-dog" and "step cockatiels" along with my 2 guys and the neighborhood stray cats I feed . My world is full of precious little friends but I still have that empty spot waiting for my Kingsley Marsh. DoubleJo
  5. He was "just a cat" to other people because they were not lucky enough to get to know him, because they are too cold to feel for others. Boliver cannot be dismissed because he was here and added so much to life. What he brought to you and you to him was a wonderful thing. He was apart of you, a small friend and partner. It hurts. Instead of saying goodbye, try seeing it as being filled up with something very special inside of you: of Boliver's love living within you forever, because, you know, love really never dies. My best- DoubleJo
  6. Teny: You are being hit hard on many sides. Where you need to go for comfort is the place of emptiness. Two months after my husband died my mother did. I still needed to grieve for him, adjust my mind to this. Her death was the blow that pointed out how gone my husband was, for I would have turned to him for support and comfort. You are in between 2 hardships, each with their own sorrows and problems to be dealt with. The many thoughts for the two can overwhelm you. Though your mom is still here issues come to the front. Try to separate all the deaths and illnesses. They each have their place. You have every reason to live- the sadness of your losses proves how special life is. You can feel as rotten as you need to feel. You have every reason to right now, but as you learned, those feelings can leave as situations change. Hang in there. Today is today, but tomorrow isn't. DoubleJo
  7. Karenb; You have a good outlook. Its' great that you are appreciating that wonderful and precious miracle called life that we are still fortunate enough to have. My best- DoubleJo
  8. Actually Bob, I was replying to your statement that life has limited your choices. In your circumstances you have the ability/freedom to make many choices. How encircled within yourself you decide to become is certainly your choice to make. However, accepting the fact that it was your choice to marry again after only 6 weeks of knowing someone would explain where the power lay in the choice. Take care- DoubleJo
  9. Wendy: All the illness and death surrounding you would certainly weigh very heavily on you and drag you further down. It is amazing, but it seems to happen so often- all these things at once. Like Leann and others, when my husband started crashing cars into gas stations with black outs, I was working a second job as our business could no longer be self sustaining, while my dad was being manipulated by a relative who suddenly worked his way into his good graces right after my mom had her stroke and my dad got dementia. Not to mention my inlaws died, then both parents, then my second husband, all in the span of 4 years, and there was more... G-d can give us more than we can handle. People have nervous breakdowns. They are left scarred and broken from all they have endured. There's nothing wrong with that. It's what you do with yourself after the smoke clears . I looked at it all this way: Okay, If sh-t happens (and it does), let it all happen now and I can get it out of the way. I cannot stop it, but I can manage it and shape it. It all did and I did. I was worn down, and like Leann says, when you feel ready you start walking again to see what your next trip down your path brings you. But give yourself time. Let the path clear so you can see where you're going. There is no rush. Everything you will need to take care of, will be done in it's own proper time. Derek is correct that right now you are mired and surrounded but you will later have some distance. As each thing comes to it's conclusion you will have more distance and space enabling you to deal with other things. DesertBob: I'm sorry you are feeling so confused and angry right now. Perhaps you are trying too hard to put square pegs into round holes, then analyizing their fit. Give yourself a break. You have no set work hours or days. You decide what work you will accept or turn down. You have the opportunity to talk and associate with whomever you decide. You have the ability to hire help and pay your bills. Your freedom and choices are greater than most people. Your choices are limited only by what you can or cannot see available at this time. Empty yourself of your "self" so the new you can find the room to enter. Take care. This has been a very interesting discussion and I thank all of you for your input. It is enlightening. DoubleJo
  10. DesertBob: I believe you are reading things into what I wrote that I didn't say. My point is that we cannot see all that we are involved with in a broader view because we are so wrapped up in the details of the moments we are dealing with. This doesn't diminish or take away feelings of pain, hurt or anger. It doesn't stop the reality of a situation. It simply allows for other ways of thinking, feeling and reacting that may be helpful or productive. I had stated that we are human, we have choices and we have freedom. I don't think that makes us " automatons of fate". On the contrary. It is precisely because we have control that it would be a shame to not use it to help ourselves. There are many ways to see things and deal with things. People have many resources within themselves to draw upon. Dismissing everything with the generalization that all is rationalizing underestimates the capacities people have and the reality of their situations. It was never said that everything comes out in the wash. Quite the opposite: everything that occurs does just that because life occurs. This is what makes life. Take care- DoubleJo
  11. My friends Wendy & Kathy: First of all, 16 months is not a long time at all. A permanent absence such as death takes a lot of time to absorb and to find a place to put in our daily life. You say you had 35 years together. That's wonderful! There are many events that you shared and occur in our lives. They actually never stop and the list can go on forever: grandchildren, graduations, marriages, divorces, moves, illnesses. We can see continously things that will occur. None of us will see them all. We each will go our separate way where seeing all these things doesn't occur here on earth with other people. Having many years with your husband gave you many such occurances to share and grow with. You are looking at the end of the spectrum and seeing nothing. If you look at the beginnning of it and follow it to its' end you will see a long list of filled time that brought you there. Perhaps seeing what filled up your glass before the water ran out will give you a different perspective on your life. We all will carry a deep sadness and fondness for the special people we miss. But we also need to carry with us an equally deep warmth from them at the same time. That is their love, their memory and it makes us feel good and secure. If your husband lived forever, would your daughter never move out? Would she not start her own life? You feel very keenly this loss of her because it makes the emptiness and reality of your husband's death more real. You feel abandoned again. You feel angry and frustrated. Try to separate the 2. Both are natural. Your daughters' timing may seem poor to you but her sense of time is different than ours. Ours goes so fast. Her's drags on. Thank you all for your responses. We all have deep needs and feelings and being able to share them is a good thing. I guess we are all simply human. DoubleJo
  12. You're a wise mom- You gave a very good lesson to your children and you completed a beautiful circle. DoubleJo
  13. Leeann: You have completed my thought. It is the many choices we have that allow us the control and empower us. It is the possiblities that come with these choices that gives us those wonderful things called "hope" and "freedom." Often we can do more than change our outlook. We can actually change things. Even if we can't see those possibilities at the time, it doesn't mean they're not there. They may lead to different directions than the one we are in, but that doesn't mean they're bad. It will just be "different." It can lead to other very good experiences in life, just with other people, or situations. Besides: How do we know what is "fair?" Because we want something that doesn't mean it is something that would have been good or right for us. Maybe this "unfairness" is better than what would have happened if life continued onward without this event? Karen- is is always good to get your input. DoubleJo
  14. Sometimes people write of being "cheated", or "unfairness" because life didn't go the way they had planned with their loved ones for some day in the future. That "life" didn't conform for them. Perhaps if one accepted life as a living process, with all it's day to day changes, a creature that lives and breathes on its' own without bending to the dictates or wants of other people, it would be easier to grasp and deal with. Being human beings does not give us power over the natural course of life nor the conceit of thinking we can tell it what to do for us or when to do it. We can only try to take as much out of each possible day that we can while we can and hope we reach the other days we strive for. The power of life is beyond our total control. Partial control is all we can hope for, for the tremendous force of life is bigger and more comprehending then we can bend to our desires and dreams. Seen this way, the pain felt for uncompleted desires might be lessened. This thought is being put forth here with the hope to ease some heartaches as we all just do the best we can under the circumstances we receive at the time. DoubleJo
  15. Hang in there Teny- as you can see, life is still all around you. It will be different, but it still exists. We think of you- DoubleJo P.S. I stayed for awhile on Spetza and Paros a number of years back.
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