First off, thanks so much for this forum! I don't respond much but I read your stories and sympathize.
I am in month 3 of the loss of my partner. I wish I could be paid for grieving because it's a full time job. I am back in school and trying to focus but there is so much drama going on around me. There are many obstacles and I seem to be running away from responsibilities. I am drowning in my tears but I lie and say I'm not. I don;t want others to worry about me because they have been through a lot too. Others want to talk about my dead partner and I don't want to hear it and that makes them drift further away. In a way, I am pushing them away too. I want to be in pain because I am not convinced that my partners death wasn't due to my negligence. Therefore I deserve to hurt, I deserve to feel the pain my partner was feeling, 10 fold. I am still waiting to hear the results of her autopsy. Her mother isn't ready to call them yet. We know what killed her (dehydration) but we don;t know what caused her to be sick in the first place. We all think we won;t know why she died. If this is the case then I will forever believe that because i didn't call an ambulance that one f-in time, she died. I need to know why she died.
