derby

Good Morning All, I posted a while back about the "being cold". It is so strange for me. Started the night of my husbands death and still continues today at 16 weeks out. Have heard a few explanations such as shock, the other"half" of me is now gone, etc. One benefit I have noticed is addtional weight loss and makes me wonder if its because my body burns calories to try to stay warm? And the heating bills! Total electric throughout my house. On to the handyman topic. I have always depended on my Dad, then my husband, and then my son. I was off this week due to the flu and the oven door handle was loose and unsafe. My boss had bought me a "ladies" toolbox which I tucked away. Well I got it out and eventually found the right tool to tighten it myself. Doesn't sound like much of a victory, but for me it was. Its amazing what we can do when presented with a challenge. Even one so simple as an oven door. You all inspire me so much with all that you have done and continue to do. Thank you all for sharing your trials, your fears, good days and bad, and your moments of triumps. Blessings. Debbie

Marty, That story was beautiful and touching. Thank you so much for sharing with us. Debbie

Hi All, Well I did it. Made the appt. to file income taxes as well as estate taxes. Accountant told me to bring with my paperwork a copy of the death certificate. Monday night. Not looking forward to it. Once again I had to go to the firebox and retreive yet again another reminder of my husband's death. Another reminder he is not here. Really hoping I can be strong while we get through the filing. And then of course the wonder if I will have to pay in. I did ask him if funeral expenses are deductible and of course they are not, at least not in PA. I suppose its something we must all do for the first time alone.

Ron, As I have said in an earlier post, you have a wonderful gift with words and expression of what you are feeling. I don't know what your career was before you took time off to care for your beloved Mother, but having such a gift with words, could prove to be an area in which you could excel. If you so desire. Pen to paper. Feelings that make no sense at the time, written down even if jumbled. I wish I could get my son to do this, but...he won't. My son as well was not employed while we went through the dying process with his Dad. As I look back, it turned out to be such a blessing. He then had the time to devote to his Dad. Time he could not otherwise have taken. And it would anger me that my employer would have dis-regared the time off I needed to be with my loved one. I can see and feel the anger my son carries in his heart and soul. And then moments of tears when he allows the pain to surface. I never know what to do or say to him as I have not yet lost a parent. I have lost a sister and I have lost my husband. I have lost friends, friends not through death, but from the changes in my heart. Changes that have made me view life in a very different way then I did before. I no longer have the tolerance for some of the opinions of where they think I should be in this process and how I am traveling through this process. I am very, very picky with whom I spend my time with. What I need, some of them just don't understand or the words they say cut me to the core. Ron, once again, I wish I had the insight to offer you just the right words, as I wish I did for my son. I can say we are all here to offer support and understanding and kindness. And someday, maybe as I browse through a bookstore, I will see a book written by RonB. You never know Ron what miricles or surprises life has instore for us. Blessings to you Ron and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Reading your posts has given me insight to what my son may be feeling and I will so try to keep my heart and mind open to what he may need from me. To what he may not be sharing verbally with me, but whats really in his heart. Peace and comfort to you RonB. Debbie

Ron, Thank you for gettting checked by Dr to rule out a heart attack. I am so relieved it was not, although panic/anxiety are not fun either. I have been a receipent of those as well. Especially after going thru stress and you have certainly been through major stressors. Oh Ron, I wish I had the words to offer you comfort, just as I wish I had the right words for my son. I will take the liberty to tell you how much it meant to my husband that our son was there with him as much as he could be. Being a Mother myself, I can only imagine how much it meant to your Mom that you were there for her, helping to make her journey loving and peaceful. It would be my wish that son would be with me to do all the things you did for and with her. Ron, please stay close to these boards as we all are going through grief in different ways, and in different stages. I have found insight in what others have written and suggested. I find the rest of the "world" sometimes oblivious to our process, our needs, and our feelings. Bless you Ron as you navagiate through this. And I believe as well the right job will come along when you are ready for it too. You have a gift with words. Blessings Ron. Debbie

Ron, First of all I am so sorry for the losses you have endured. I can relate a bit of what you write of. My husband died Oct. 2009 leaving me and our only son. My son is only now feeling the depth of his sorrow. The grief has left him questioning many aspects of his life. It as well is affecting a wonderful relationship he is in. From my propective, I can see that he has little of himself to give to the young lady he loves. He is using all his energy to work through his loss. All the different feelings and losses one feels when watching a parent pass on- seem to carry over with relationships and friendships. It is a very trying time for a son, whether it be a Mother or Father which one lost. I only share this with you in hopes it may help to know anything you are feeling is normal. Physical systoms are common, although the feelings of having a heart attack require the attention of a Dr. Its also my belief that by going through this process we will learn. What we learn will be unique to each of us. My heart goes out to you and I send my thoughts your way. Blessings to you. Debbie

Hi I understand whatever it is we feel, it can be normal. Last night while centering at a yoga class ( a term used for breathing correctly while relaxing) I had the visualization of my husband when we walked into his room as he had just died. The image of that surfaced in my mind/memory. In the beginning of my journey it was something I kept replaying in my mind. Why is it, I thought of it last night again? Is it possible I still have not yet come to terms with the fact he really did die? Are the memories of that fateful day in someway a tramua I will never be able to get out of my mind? Really was unsettling for me to go back to that process of it happening and the fear and dis-belief he really did leave. I know it probably does not make sense, but it is something I would rather not think about. ANy ideas? Debbie

Bren, Welcome to this forum. I am 3 months into this journey so I am not where you are just yet. I can tell you this has been such a help to me. I hope you can gain insight and understanding just as I have with the advise of others. And its a good place to share your feelings, thoughts, worries and questions. Debbie

Rochel, That was beautiful. Thank you for your words of hope and inspiration. Ted, Thoughts and prayers for you as taking this step through the process. May you feel peace and comfort. Blessings, Debbie

SusieQ, My thoughts and wishes for you as you return to work. When I went back to my job, someone suggested I email my boss and co-workers to let them know how I felt, express my fears etc. I took their advise and it really helped. Also I visited before I went in and that really helped me with anxiety and allowed my co-workers to comfort me and say what they wanted to say. I went back on a Thursday and Friday for only 1/2 days and for me that worked since it was not so overwhelming. It has become easier, but I still cry. On the way to work or on the way home. This week I actually had some moments of feeling happy. And thats all I can ask for because moments will turn into minutes, into hours, on so on. I will keep you in my thoughts and do whatever it is that is best for you. Blessings, Debbie

Thank you all so much for the thoughtful encouraging words. Went pretty well. Of course I cried on the way, but as I was there, memories that I had blocked from that night came back to mind. Things I had not really thought about since August 19. Hopefully another stepping stone. We all just try to embrace, confront, manage, when and only when, we feel up to doing so. YOu all have been so wonderful to me and I appreciate so much being able to post and know that you are all here to help lift others up. I am so grateful for the kindness expressed here. Debbie

Loved it. Thank you for sharing. Debbie

Hello All, Tomorrow night is the night I return to my class that I have not attented since August 19th. The beginning of the end of my husbands journey. When I returned home that night, I found out he was admitted to the first of the four hospitals and then finally hospice where his life journey ended. It is with so many different feelings and apprehension I return. Its so unbelievable to imagine when I last attented, I still had him in my life. Another mountain to climb. Another first night of coming back home and he will not be here for me to share what I did. But its time for me to go back and reclaim that part of my life. Rebuild for me... hoping we all have the courage to do those things we did in the past that were just for us. To improve us, to help us grow. And someday, help us heal. Blessings....Debbie

You are so right now that I think about it. Xmas is associated with family, extended and immediate. New Years Eve is couples.....no wonder it seems so lonely for me. Part of the process, I suppose. Blessings, Debbie

Just got done with the "cry if ya want to". I am sure it won't be the last time tonight, Decided to stick with my orginal plan of forgoing being with others tonight and spend it here. Really glad I am honoring my feelings on this night and just being......hope, faith, comfort, and blessings wished for all of you on this night of nights and in the year ahead. Debbie