jomamas

Dear Past Midnite. Sorry you can't sleep. Your right it is very difficult going through the nursing part but I as well would not wanted any one else there in my stead. I like you have been having a hard time not reliving it most of the time but it is getting a little easier as the days go by. I'll never forget the look on his face when I had to change his diapers or bathe him or administer drugs but I feel that he was a lot more comfortable with me doing it rather than strangers & he got to be in a house rather than a hospital. Sorry to hear that you had multiple deaths to deal with, that must have been almost unbearable. I am being careful not to get too close to the female involved as as you stated that would only further complicate the issue & it is exactly what my wife is concerned with the most (I talked with here & got the real story) It is hard for her to see me find comfort in any female & I know that it is a natural reaction. I am faithful & intend to remain faithful to the end. One woman is enough for me or any man as far as I am concerned. It may have looked to my wife that we were getting too close & the woman in mention does not have the greatest reputation either. So keeping that in mind I am keeping my distance as best as I can without hurting either of their feelings. I am still hurt & feel a loss that I know can never be replaced but life goes on, work goes on & love goes on. Alas I still go on. Wish you well dealing with your pain, thanks for writing me. Joe.

Anette. Thanks for replying to my post. I am hoping to get some comfort from the people on here that have experienced the same type of trauma that I recently have. My co-workers are fairly sensitive to my situation but never the less I am expected to perform at a certain level. I am not too concerned with that at this point as I feel that it is out of my control to a certain degree & I am doing the best that I can while at work. I am trying not to desert my family & come to some sort of a balance that my wife can accept. It won't be easy but I expect that as time goes by it will if they get closer to each other & we can all get the support that we need. I am not insensitive to the fact that my wife also lost a brother in law who she admired very much & her concern for my well being. I love her very much & don't want to put stress on our long standing relationship. We have been together for around 30 years but she is fragile now & has to come to terms that I am not the same person that I was a couple of months ago. Does that sound selfish? I don't know what to think about how I feel these days. I find my self breaking out in tears when ever & can't seem to focus. Thanks again for replying. Joe.

LouLou. Thanks for your kind words. I don't know exactly how to deal with this either. I am attempting a balancing act to keep my spouse happy & my family & I comforted simultaneously. It is not easy because my wife does not like some of the people that my brother used to associate with especially the girls. She has never seen me show affection to another woman other than her & my daughters. My sisters & my brother's friends is a whole new scenario for her to experience. I am drawn to them how ever because they give me comfort. I'll try to keep posting as things transpire. thanks for replying to my post. Joe.

Mike I lost my brother on 2/16/10 & I feel such a loss that it is unimaginable. I loved him dearly as you did your brother. From what I understand it is only time that can make you feel better, time & the understanding & support of your loved ones. I have been trying this forum board to communicate my grief & get the feelings of others so that I can have some perspective that what I am feeling is what I am supposed to feel. It seems that everyone grieves differently & some for longer than others from what I can gather. I hope that your process is short. Keep busy & try to keep positive thoughts. Joe.

Lori your siblings don't face book do they? If they do try to get their contact info & keep in touch in small ways. If not maybe the best thing that you can do is put a letter together & express exactly what you have written here. I to could help & certainly wouldn't hurt. It must be hard to endure this kind of pain & I hope that you can get together with them as life is way too short for grudges. I hope your grief is lessened soon & that I am of some help to you. Joe

Hello. My name is Joe. I recently lost my brother Steve to cancer at the age of 49. He battled if tor 20 months before finally ending up bed ridden at a close friends house. I spent his last weeks there nursing him to his demise with the help of Hospice. It was an experience that I will not forget any time soon to say the least. His children were there as well & I was able to console them fairly successfully. I think that we all went away from that experience with remorse & I think that it has also brought us closer together as well (his children & friends that were present). I find myself looking for comfort in my siblings & his children & friends as well more so than my wife that was at work for the whole time that we nursed Steve. His children & friends end up bringing me to a place where he used to hang out with all of his & their friends & my wife is not completely on board with this. I try to stay away so that she does not feel hurt or like she is going to lose me to them but I am drawn in when one of them calls. I am in a kind of somber state as well as his death was only 2/16/10 & I have not had the time to deal with it. I find myself bursting out in tears when something makes me think of him. I am a little distressed at work as well & not performing as I would expect a co-worker to. I guess I have always been a little inconsiderate to the feelings of another person losing a loved one as it never struck home as it has with me losing my brother, I now have a whole new outlook. I could go on forever about the experience of losing him but I'll end here for now. I am a little concerned with my wife though. Should I stay away from my family & friends?