CJ Anderson

You know, here in the US we have made death this big monster. We dont talk abut the fact that we all die. More importantly, I have made peace with the fact that this is no more a transition then going to work. Now that I have had the fortune to have two strokes, I am "retired" and now doing what I love - running a non-profit in Arizona that I have brought up to $675,000 from $3.000 in Arizona.. because I hold the attached saying very close, so I hope it brings you comfort to. In my view, I have a alter for the ashes of my dogs, some of their hair in a zip lock baggie and 1 memento, usually a collar or a favorite toy to remind me that they are hear, I just cant see them. I close my eyes and see my self petting them, especially when I am down. Among other things, we serve Veterans. I cant tell you the number of people who giving us their decease pets belonging so that it will benefit these warriors, who themselves have lost so much. I agree when you are ready to make a choice, that is the time to do it. There is no right and wrong here, even if you never do it! What is so important, please dont confuse the grieving of the loss for you life, with grief from everything else that you have lost. We do service on this planet for such a short time and then we are free! N pain, no suffering or sadness! Hugs!

I am so sorry for your loss. I also have concern because you have more going on with the experiences from the military. In my group Empty Bowl Pet Food Pantry, we do lots of work with Veterans and their pets and service animals. In fact our VP and Department director of Veteran Services, is a two tour Vietnam Veteran who just last night was sharing with me how much helping other Veterans with their pets has made for him. He lost his White German shepard recently, and this work helped him to bridge until he felt ready to take on another dog ,to keep helping him. We dont have animals but there are many meaning ways you could make a difference to other Veterans! If you are in Arizona you would be welcome inside Empty Bowl Pet Food Pantry working with Veterans or others, to help you through this time. Soldiers Best Friend in Peoria is a great agency as well working with rescue dogs and Vets who have PTSD, maybe another such group where ever you are! What I can say to you unconditionally is to not isolate your self but determine to find some meaning and purpose with those who understand what yu have been through and wont judge you! There are s many of us who want to stand by you for all you did for us! Please reach out to a group! Hugs CJ Anderson

Hi, I am so very sorry for your loss! For my self, I am so looking forward to discharging my duty to this planet and get back to the pther side where all my beloved friends are - four and two legged. <sad smile>. Please dont cofuse the souls sadness with the grief which is our inner punishment for ever bad thing we have ever done. It is so easy to fixate on that last event where we didnt know, didnt forsee, made a wrong judgement to the exclusion of the previous years of happy memories.SO many people end up with feeling paralysing grief because theuy didnt acknowlege the loss of a job, a house a friendship...and now the death of the pet takes them to the place of all the unexpessed moments of sadness from every thing else too. My experience is that our pets are our teachers, our healers, our mirrors. I look at the manner of their passing to teach me what I havent been paying attention to, to do better. I work hard to make the gift of their presence in my life help me to do more of what I came here to do, I know that if we dwell on what we couldnt do instead of what we ARE doing, we will drown in the sadness so I have taught my self to move on and rescue/help another life. I hope this helps you a little bit. Hugs CJ Anderson

We so understand what you are saying here! I am also facing losing my thrid dog this year. The first was last July, Boo bear, a collie lab was my therapy dog and only 8. the next was a basset foreven foster, abandoned by his rescue because he was a mean dog that I could handle. My sharpei has gone donehill this last week and I know what the vet will say when I take her in on Tuesday. My heart is full of whole from where they have been. I keep thinking of the number of pets that die alone and unloved. I will be going on to get another when she is gone, I hate being on this planet where we are separated from those we love through death, but as long as I am here, I am going to help one more soul because they are so alone! I am so sorry for your loss!

So sorry as well. I have that we don't view death as a friend, the parting a temporary separation. It sounds like you had wonderful communication to hear what he needed. I hope you will feel him around you soon!

Hi and I am so sorry for the loss that you have gone through. I have to disagree with you. I believe we have characters that live inside us and one that LOVES to punish us for every mistake and misdeed we have made in this world. PLEASE DONT listen to this voice! Dont confuse the grief you feel at your beloved four legged being gone, with the guilt, blame or shame that this character is waiting to inflict on you! When you have these thoughts, please call another of your characters to throw the bum toi the curb (as my neice would say). You saved a life! You gave that life great love and care! We had 95,000 animals that went to Maricopa Animal control, half of whom were euthanized. Actually, that was a not the bad thing - what was bad, was that they died with out love! You DIDNT put that dog in the vet to torchure! You made SURE that nothing else could be done, that it wasnt a phase or stage! I beleive that in the dreams where you played tigether, that dear fourlegged told you it was enough and in spite of the pain to you you let that sould go to the rainbow bridge ahead of you. That souls life could have been awaeful and lonely! You made a difference to THAT one! If you never do another thing, to THAT ONE you made a difference and that counts! {;ease watch this film to see what I mean - it ISNT the 95,000 to focus on. It is ONE! Hugs CJ Anderson

I am so sorry for you loss! I too lost my Boo Bear therapy dog last July and just cant seem to find my heart! One thing though, is I want to ask you to be extra kind and tolerant of your self NOW because with the holidays occuring everything tends to hurt so much more. You have lost your family it is always so HARD the first season. Be willing to take the time to grieve as deeply as you need to! There are people you coulod talk to but I feel that if you could just cut out the coming days and wake up in january you would cause why would you smile when you are crying inside? Dear One, sure wish we could help in some way! Just let us know what and how!!! Hugs CJ

Hi, I am soooo sorry for your loss. I know what you mean, I jost Boo Bear in July and I just dont have the heart for my others right now. But I have to say how LUCKY he was to have you as a mom! It is so hard to see them slip away but it is just as hard when they go suddenly. Please please dont feel quilty! Who knows what would have happened if you had not done the things you did! You have the advise of an expert - the vet who also did the hest they could! Do you know in this county of the 95,000 animals who pass through animal control about half, never get the chance, the nuturing and care that you dear darling did? I am not a counselpr, but I bet there are other things you are grieving. One thing you may consider is Hospice of the Valley's Breievement group, they are so wonderful. Also Arizona Himan has a brielvement group and I know there are others too! Would any of those be an option for you? We are here for you to whenever you want to talk! Hugs CJ [Note: Members who don't live in the Valley or the greater Phoenix metropolitan area will find some alternatives listed here: Helplines, Message Boards, Chats Pet Loss Counseling ]

Hi and I am so sorry for your loss!!! I WISH we were made to take a class as children to teach us how to handle this. First to separate your grief from your guilt! that part of you that uses guilt to punish you for all you have ever done wrong is using your heart and your deep unending greif to make you feel bad and only you can stop it from doing that to you. That black grief is going to take as long as it takes. You know, that sweet soul was so lucky to have you! You got her medical care and a vet, you shared a WONDERFUL life together. She wont be replace able but I hope a some point you will find it in you to open you heart and home to another four legged companion you have a chance at a wonderful life with you. My therapy dog Bo Bear went over night and died as I was taking him to the vet. Before that my Junebug and lymphoma that would have taken her in a month and the cancer vet got her one more year that was just wonderful. Sigh, it is never enough time, for sure. I wish there was something more that I can do but listen to the stories of your happy time with her! Have you thought about doing some kind of memorial - a website, or picture? Hugs! CJ

Hospice of the Valley will have my devotion for the wisdom it has given to me, both as a volunteer and as a family recepient of their services. One of the most inpoartant insights I gain was that when someone dies, in addition to grieving their physical loss, ALL the losses we have suffered are aso grieved because our society does not provide that ""transition space, so we tend to trivialize it and "get on with life". The heart is not diserning. Once our beloved animal has burrowed his way to the deepest reaches of our heart and soul. Everything else is exposed we have buried to get on with life. I know I have got to get on with selecting another therapy dog, I just cant make myself after the seond one left after such a short time. I hope one more thing I learned will be of use to you. It is a science fact that we can only think of one thing at a time = either the past, the present, or the future. If I allow myself to thing of the past, I will down in the sadness, If I allow my self to dwell on the future, I will curl up in a ball from the hopelessness, over whelm and bleakness in front of me. So I busy my self with Empty Bowl pet food pantry because it helps pets I dont have to see. I am working on disaster with animals because they really need it in Az and I can use my skills to make a difference without encountering them... so for the next second I am making a difference and not thinking or feeling about those who are with me anymore - or the future of those who will not be with me. It gets me through the days, and when I feel the energy of crying happen, I lock myself in the bathroom and cry as hard as I can, then go back to the work. Cause the one thing I can do for those who were so deeply in my heart, is to some how, save more lives for others. Hugs CJ

You have got two separate things going on. One is the grieving. Do not leat anyone tell you how long that should take, Hospice of the Valley talks about the year of grieving because there are all these firsts with out them. I grieve for Boo bear that I lost last moth, for Junebug that I lost 3 years ago, for Thunder that I lost 11 uears ago...Different moments have different intensities but I do not let that stop me from continuing to work with the other rescues, especially when my heart is not in it. Then there is the quilts, all the coulda, woulda and shouldas - and that dear one, you must be RUTHLESS with your self to know allow that in. I literally have two beings inside me - the one that blames me for everything that doesnt work out and the adult that knows that mistakes happen and we do the best we know how, even on the bad hair days! We know how awful it is and we are here for you!!! Hugs! CJ

I am so sorry for your loss. It is one more unbearable thing on top of everything else you have gone through. Next YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME - in fact, you did EVERYTHIN POSSIBLE for him and I KNOW that he knows it! You are not to blame for his sickness. You are not to blame for the vets choices! You DID get him advance care - you cant DO more then that! If I can share my belief after so many dogs of my own. I believe they can chose when to die. I believe that a slow dead would have destroy you, watching it coming. The same for being present when he went! I hate this life without my babies. It is just that there is another life to rescue and one more day, so I do what I can. I hope you can let go of the quilt. The grieving is going to take a while. We are here for you! He was such a precious soul, I feel strongly he has become your quardian angel! Hugs CJ

First, PLEASE let go of the choices that were made. You and the vet did the best you both could (and I LOVE the emergency vet on Cactuse and 4St in Phoenix of the I-51) I had my beloved Thunder that I helped birth that I had taken in and the regular vet told me was arthris,when 5 mnths later was actuall a football size tumor that was wrapped around the lungs and heart. I was insanely overcome with grief and anger at that. It is kust that it is never enough time, and when it is short we wish we gave them more. My dog June was a rescue that I got from Best Friends and turned into a therapy dog in under 30 days when she had been unadoptable. Ironically, we had just gone thru Hospice of the Valleys Pet connection training when she was diagnosed with cancer - lymphoma. I also had her for suck a short time. Can you focus instead on how WONDERFUL that Neo got to know your love? Think about the suffering he would have gone through that you saved him from. Now THAT is love, to chose to end their suffering rather then keep them alive for us (which they hare happy to do!) Do not confuse grieving for his loss with anger and sadness with the ending. I feel absolutly certain that we KNOW the truth of their condition deep inside, that there us a dialog between us and the dog on a very deep level as to what is going on and when to let them go. I also believe that dogs do not feel about death what we do, waitng joyfully for us at the rainbow bridge, ready to visit us when we are ready to let go of our grief to feel them next to us. I know that words cannot ease your grief but know you are in such good company!!! I am so sorry for your loss. CJ

Hi and golly I am sorry. You know thyroid is a problem I always check for, it is such an easy fix and it does so much! I know his age is a factor too, how could a dog so young be affected that way but the ugly truth us cancer or disease can affect them an any time and isnt it amazing how much they endure for their love for us? Gosh the greatest gift Hospece of the Valley has given me is the ability to see someone (two for four legged) off to the rainbow bridge. Mon, then dad and 7 dogs so far - everything I HATE being left behind. PLease please separate out the grief from the guilt. How lucky he was to have you work with the vets for solutions. What if he was one of the homeless ones? Sometimes we only have they a few hours before we see their suffering and that is all we can do, but for those few hours they are loved and cared for. Aside form the great stress of going through something like that, anither great gift Hospice of the Valley gave me was the understanding of all the firsts that we have to go through (I still dont celebrate Christmas anymore - Mom and one of the labs went then), so let youself rest and grieve as long as you need to you are not alone here in this group! Hugs

I am sooooo sorry for your loss! What a grand soul she must have been and WOW, a great MOM to have her live for so long and so well! Just a word, you are NEVER prepared, I have lost a few to cancer and it is true so you grieve as long as you need to! I know for my self, I found that helping with recues MADE me connect with the world again, even though I wanted to curl up in my room until I was gone! At least I was helping other dogs who were facing euthasia until I could feel again, (altho it sure felt like I would never feel anything but grief again. How did she come into your life? Hugs, CJ