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Brody

Contributor
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    24
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About Brody

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    08/24/2010
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    none
  1. Brody

    Two-fold grief situation

    Thanks! It's so hard to know sometimes, I appreciate the advice.
  2. Brody

    Two-fold grief situation

    Thanks KayC. It's shame that friends become scarce when someone is grieving, I understand that not knowing what to say, but it's more important to show the grieving person that we do care. I figure even if we just speak for a couple of minutes like the other night, I Pam showing my support. i hope as well that he is eating and all - he is diabetic, so I know it's important. His sister has been going over, so I'm sure she makes sure he is eating. Would it be okay if I do ask him if he's been eating? I really am afraid of overstepping my bounds. thanks about ge puppy pictures, Ivan send him a couple when I get them, and see how that goes. Next Tuesday would have been his wife's 70th birthday, so I may send him a "thinking of you" card.
  3. Hello all, I have a twofold grief situation that I am trying to work through – the death of one of the best friends I have ever had, and also, trying to be there in a supportive (albeit, long distance) way for her husband, who is also a good friend. I first met them in 2003 at a club we belong to. My initial connection was with “D” (the husband) but a few years later, the wife (“R”) and I became daily e-mail buddies, stemming from their concern after my dog had surgery (we are all dog lovers). R and I e-mailed each other daily for 6 years, and D was supportive of that, as it helped R, since she was on the shy side like I am. R got sick last month, and passed away 12 days ago. I’m working through the grief and sadness, while trying to be a supportive friend to D. It’s a unique situation to me, as he has consoled me as well, knowing how close I was to his wife (Note – totally plutonic, in case anyone was wondering). I feel such a big loss now that the daily e-mails are no longer there. It’s ironic, there were times I tired of writing every day (but continued, especially after D said it was good for her), and I never imagined how much I’d miss the e-mails when they stopped. I called him the day she passed away, and a couple of times since, the latest being last night. We also traded a couple of e-mails as well. One thing I do need to state, is that I have Asperger’s, so I don’t always know what to say in social situations (even with people I’ve known for years), and I don’t pick up on social cues very well. Years ago, while lending support to a grieving co-worker, I pushed a bit too hard (he forgave me, as my heart was in the right place), and I don’t want to make the same mistakes here. It’s kind of surreal, R was very supportive of me in my efforts to support my grieving co-worker, and I always sad that the next time I am in a position of lending support, I won’t push as hard. Its ironic that its R’s husband now who needs that support, and, thus, I want to be very careful not to end up alienating him, even with good intentions. When I spoke to D last night, he did tell me that he was probably going to a grief counselor, which I agreed that it was a good idea (I can’t even describe how sad and lost he sounded, which is understandable, as they were married 36 years, and the love of each other’s lives). I did ask him if I should call him next week, or space it out more, and he said don’t make a schedule, if he wants to talk he will call me, and if I want to talk to him, I can call him. So I probably will call him more towards the end of next week. Next Tuesday would have been R’s 70th birthday, so I am sure that will be an even harder day for him. I did ask him if he has people there (locally) checking in, and his sister was there, and the neighbor checks on him, but most of his friends are long distance through our club (he and I live on opposite coasts, and other friends are scattered around the country). I may, on a few weeks, send him a journal to write down his thoughts in (the grief counselor he goes to may even suggest the same thing). He does like to write, so maybe that could be something that can help him a bit. One positive thing I can share with him, is that I am getting a new puppy in a few weeks, and I will update him on all that. It will be bitter sweet, though, as R was totally looking forward to me getting the puppy as well, hearing all about her, etc. I know I can’t fix it for him, I can’t make it better, and the grieving process is a long one. My best friend (now deceased as well), had lost his wife 13 years before he passed on, and he never really got over it. Sadly, it will probably be the same for D. PS A couple of questions/ thoughts - I do want to keep the contact going of course, but I feel silly (for lack of a better term) calling when I honestly have nothing to say or ask, aside, of course, from how he's holding up. I hate to not call, though, as I do care a lot. Also - do you all think it would be okay to share pictures of my puppy-to-be with him when I get them. As stated above - it will be bitter sweet, as R was very much looking forward to it all as well. Thanks
  4. Brody

    Opinion Needed

    Hi all, Next month marks two years that my friend/co-worker lost his 20 year old daughter in a car accident. In addition to sedning him a card, I was thinking of a plant as well. I though of a peace plant, but would really like to send a plant wiht yellow flowers (yellow was his daughter's favorite color), maybe even something that he can plant in his yard, or something that may last a few months at least. Any suggestions on what kind of plant would be good to send? Thanks, in advance! Brody
  5. Hi all, I haven't posted here in a while, but I need some feedback on this. my workfriend, whose daguther died 1 1/2 years ago has these wristbands he gives out to in memory of his daughter. After she had died, somoene (not sure who - he said "the kids" - it could be his nieces, it could be his daughter's friends) had them made. The first one he had given me broke, the next one (made a little differently - the message was printed rather than debossed) faded, and the one he gave me a couple of weeks ago is fading as well. I hate to keep asking him for another one, so I searched "customized wristbands," found a place that makes them, and had some made. It was "buy 100, get 100 free," so, me being me (LOL) I ordered them this mornig - the same exact message/design as the originals. When I get them, I will keep a few for myself, and will give the rest to my friend. Now, me being me again (LOL), I want to make sure that I'm not overstepping my bounds or being too forward, etc. I can present it the way I stated it above - that I felt bad about asking for a new one every few months, found the website, saw the 100 free with 100 purchased amd me being me, etc. He knows I wear it every day (as do a few other work friends of his here). I know you all can't answer for him, but do you think he could feel that it's not my place to do that (to have more wristbands made)? I'm not trying to step on anyon's toes. Thanks! Brody
  6. Brody

    6 Month Mark

    Hi all, Thursday marks 6 months since my work friend's daughter died. Should I get a card, or would it be better to wait for the one year mark? What kind of card - I guess a thinking of you kind of card? Thanks, Brody
  7. Hi all, With Christmas approaching, I just wanted to write a note thanking you for all the support/advice I have gotten here since I joined the forum back in late Auguest. As I sought (and still seek) to understand and support my co-worker in his time of grief, I have received great advice and encouragement, and I truly do appreciate it. May God bless you all. I know that this is a difficult time of year for those who have lost loved ones, but I want to wish your all a peaceful Christmas / Holiday season. Warmest wishes always, Brody
  8. deleting - got my answer. Thanks all!
  9. Brody

    If I Could.....

    Thanks Mary!
  10. Brody

    If I Could.....

    Hi Kath, Yes, I wrote that. Thank you very much. I wrote that while thinking of my freind's daughter who died in a car crash in August. Maybe someday if it seems right I will give it to him. I am glad to share it here. Thanks again, Brody
  11. Brody

    I Feel So Helpless

    yThanks Abergsma and Niamh.
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