Lindakay

Kay I understand. I work, come home, do the motions, find a little joy with my dogs but it isn't the same. He used to be at the door with the dogs with a little smile for me. I was the high point of someone's life for 33 years. Now it's what high point, does it matter anymore? Almost three now for me. I had six months of thinking I might date again. Talked myself out of both of the guys I was talking to. Then a year of not even thinking about it.I have tripled the holiday decorations I put out. He wouldn't have liked it since he would have had to help. He was too depressed at the holidays. No parents and getting older in his mind. He used to like them when both our parents were alive. I blinged the master bedroom out since he died. It has a big fireplace and I enhanced it. Put fall coppery colors up there, I have a chandeliere instead of the ceiling fan. All crystals. Made it my room. Just put up a tree up there with all shades of copper ornaments. Then I have his pixs around??? I moved all family pixs upstairs. Don't want to make company uncomfortable. Have family and friend pixs in the guest room. They stay there and see I remember them.Hang in there. LindaKay

I moved to my husband's side of the bed right away, because I couldn't bear looking over and not seeing him there. Sleeping on his side makes me somehow feel closer to him - lying where he used lie. I know I'll always miss him, but I hope that I'm able to move on and feel "sort of normal" after a year has gone by. We'll see, I guess. Melina Me too. I sleep on his side. Makes me feel closer to him too. LindaKay

I have a few I wear too.LindaKay

Melina It helps to change your rooms one at a time and make them absolutely you. It calms the mind. Even if when you clear and paint and change decor and such you may be crying. Anxiety attacks can happen when you picture them in "that" setting. A different look will help you move forward. I did the computer room first. It was all music albums and cds and reminded me too much. It's now a spare room with a pullout mini loveseat and library shelves full of books. It's a library with a purpose. Company can come. I love books. Got five full shelves. It was really hard dragging them up empty one step at a time alone.lol I did it after painting one wall at a time and putting shelves on the walls. Taking 1000 albums and shelves down to the basement room was hard too. It's set up like a nice music/living area with a futon now. Every change I'd make I'd say moving forward. Calmed me.LindaKay

I had a wonderful sister in law that loved her brother. She came up for three weeks. She and I are Xmas babies. Her birthday on the 23rd and mine the 27th, We changed the holiday and decorated my whole house. I put up seven trees of different sizes, Outside decor and everything. It was great. Scott hated the holidays but would begrudging do it for me. This was less stressful for me. He was depressed for 8 years. So I loved him but it ruined my joy of the season. Next year my best friend came up for a week. We did 27th and past New Years together. This year I'm on my own. The house will be decorated and individual friends will come to dinner. Couples I know or girlfriends and their mom.. whatever. It's a more cheerful season even if underneath I miss him more than anything in my life.Change the routine because inevitably everything has changed anyways.LindaKay

My sister is recovering from breast cancer. Her doctor said stress is bad for recovery. She and her hubby fight alot. She told him she won't play those games/she can't. Stress is bad for many things and health is one. I agree with someone said volunteering helps. It does take you out of introspecting too much. I have to admit that I have health fears now that he's gone. Cause I'll have to be alone to go through it alone. Not alone really, my family would insist I move home to Fla and be there in mass for me. But alone in the sense of your partner. My health fears are not for surviving the illness. Not afraid of death either. Just want to have things settled and my dogs to have a home. They are 12 now. I won't adopt any more. You're feeling more of a mental angst than a pysical symptom. It's the what ifs. Live each day/one day at a time. Don't think too far ahead or in the past. It helps. LindaKay

I too did the remodelling thing after Scott died. It has become my house for as long as I can afford to live up here. It depends on job security. So far it's been five years up here away from my family. Coming up on three years in Jan that he's been gone. I am decorating for Xmas early. I have two sisters coming through on Sat for a night. They are taking the rest of the thorobreds home from Pa to Fla. I'm half way. This is the first time the older sister is seeing my house. I want her to see being up here alone isn't terrible. Nice home/job/neighbors/new friends. Still love my five sibs the same. They are all in Fla. I go home three times a year and some come up.Stay busy. It helps.LindaKay

I have two cars bought new in 2002. They are Toyota RAV s. One black and fancier and one blue. I use the blue to put miles on work and back. The other has half the miles on it. He committed suicide in the black. It's pristine and he did not ruin the car. It was the car I bought for me with my inheritance from my mom who died late 2001. So it has mixed memories. I talk to him in that car when I drive it. I drove it to a charity bake sale last night at work. Putting my phone and card case in the console I saw his hankerchief he'd always have. Cleaned his sun glasses with it. I bought him whimsey ones. It was the Tazmanian Devil cartoon one. When I saw it...it was on the seat on the passenger side. I hadn't taken it out. Car is always locked. Guess it was a message from my Scott. I don't want to clean the car completely out either. I guess I have only one of my friends that I can share grief memories with. The others I spare. LindaKay

Nothing is bizarre if you want to do it. I spread my Scott's ashes in places he loved...and my roses. It was a joke we had and he agreed long before he died.LindaKay

I had a dream message last night. A pychic told me that many things in a message dream make no real sense but to look for the thread of the message. Well mine was of moving and getting new furniture/carpet/landscaping in the dream. I realized I had moved on a bit when my love died by remodelling our home. I wasted some money I didn't need to, That too was reflected in the dream/getting stuff I didn't really want. Then I was getting the message he was coming back. I worried whether he would like what I had done to the place. Then it clarified that he had died but he was still coming back. Not to me in this life but neverless he had chosen to come back. The pychic had told me when they're ready they will come back and live a new life. I'm sad but also glad if he is. I truly believe it was a message dream that I get occasionally. Never enough of them but always good to receive them.Linda Kay

Dimcl, You're about my age and my husband of 33 years died two years ago. He was only two years older than me. We had no children and moved away from family to be in our dream vacation area of NC. All my family is down in Fla. Strange days indeed. You'll cycle. Just know they can sometimes send a message. You'll see others experiences in that. No loonies in our group. Grief is strange. Affects everyone differently. Nothing is wrong however you feel. LindaKay

Not strange. I did the opposite. I made our king bed the guest room. I took two twins(new) and made it a king in the master bedroom. I sleep on them. Every now and then on a rainy stormy day. I sleep on our old bed(really rather new since we bought it up here when we moved here). I remember naps to calm the dogs nerves when it storms. All of us would snuggle till the rain slowed down. I feel no discomfort from the idea just wanted to start a new pattern to move forward/no on but forward from a sad time. LindaKay

They should be respected. I lived with my love for 8 mo before I married him. We were married 33 years before he died. I think the awkwardness happens when they die because you will not be part of their family and may move on to someone else in your life. If you have kids together they would consider you as part of their family by proxy. I'm not saying this is right. I adopted my hubby's little sister as if she is my sister. My sister in law divorced my half brother and I kept her as a sister and best friend. I got those two together and they are like sisters now. I had moved up to NC from Fla. I'm not jealous, I'm happy and they include me as their family too.There are others here that have the same problem. LindaKay

Journaling works for me but not daily. I do it as a letter to him when the need hits. I name the letters example one is : Look Forward but not too far/look back but not too long. I read it a year after. Cried my eyes out but realized I'm in a better state now. It helps. LindaKay

My mom died and six months later Antique Roadshow was on. It had Madison Wis. and she was born 30 minutes away from Madison. Her maiden name was Kutz. There was a lady with the name Kutz that found a 1920 paper dress in her attic. They used to sew temporary outfits from paper and wear them. I called mom and when it was ringing...I realized she had died six months earlier. Glad my brother didn't answer. He was living in her home and kept her phone number for a while. Yeah, been there. LindaKay