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Jay Wyatt

Contributor
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    14
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About Jay Wyatt

  • Rank
    Member
  • Birthday 10/12/1963

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    August 27, 2010
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Bon Secours Hospice Richmond, VA
  1. Jay Wyatt

    My Heart Runneth Over

    Carol Ann, We are physical as well as spiritual beings. We commune with God through the spirit but the physical part of us was created for physical communication. I have had the exact experience that you are having now. Below is my journal entry from October 23, 2010. Hopefully it will help you to know that what you are feeling is normal and that others have been through it also. In Christ's love, Jay October 23, 2010 I like solitude. In fact, I need it. I need time alone with just me and God everyday. Usually the first thing in the morning is when I prefer to be alone with God. It is a time of prayer and reflection on what matters most in this life and it is very important to me. On the other hand I hate and dread loneliness. Loneliness is very different from solitude. Solitude is a choice to be alone for a time to refresh and renew the mind. Loneliness is a feeling of despair that overtakes one's mind and causes hopelessness and loss of purpose. I never knew what loneliness felt like until Mary was gone. She was my reason and my purpose in life. I know that I am blessed with loving and caring family and friends who are there for me any time I call on them. But Mary was my very special companion. God knew that we needed companionship. When He created man He said that "it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him". I have lost my companion and my helper. God said that "a man will leave his father and his mother and be united with his wife, and the two shall become one flesh". I am not whole anymore. There is a part of me missing. I know that I have God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit with me at all times and that I am truly never alone but I need someone special in the flesh to share my life with and to share my love with. I suppose that some people are satisfied with living this life alone. Maybe there own company is sufficient for them or maybe they are too selfish to share themselves with someone else. Maybe they have found that Jesus is all they need and that they don't need fleshly companionship. I find that I need someone to care about, to provide for, and to share love and life with. Ever since Mary has been gone I find that I am lonely whether I am by myself or in a crowd. Yes I enjoy my time of solitude when it is just me and God but I was not created to be alone. God blessed me with Mary to be my companion, my partner, and my best friend; and the curse of sin took her from me. I pray that God will grant me the grace to live life without that someone special in the flesh or either bless me with someone just as special as Mary was to fill the void that is in me.
  2. PopPop, I lost Mary on August 27 of this year and I have not felt her presence since. I have not even dreamed of her or anything else (I very rarely ever dream anyway). I am still grieving very intensely so maybe it is, like you say, that once I come to terms with my loss that I will be able to sense her presence. Looking forward to reading others responses. God Bless You Jay
  3. Welcome to the chat line that lets you talk about the one that's gone. No one hear will say."Well I have to be going...I can't make lunch(cause they don't want to hear you talk about grief). We have all been there. Some better now than before. Just take one day at a time. I changed my house around. Slept in a different room. It's all changes that helped for now. speak your h...

  4. I'm having another sad day today. I can't stop thinking about Mary. Every thought that comes to my mind today somehow reminds me of her. God, If what I am going thru now is working out for good then it should be exceptionally good because it is exceptionally horrible right now. I can't find the words to describe my feelings today. It seems that I keep saying the same things over and over again. My life is without purpose or meaning. The future looks dark and cold. The plans and dreams that I had are meaningless without Mary. All of the warmth and brightness of the future is gone because I can not share it with her. It is like I am starting my life over but at the same time I am not. I still live at the same place and in the same house. I still sleep in the same room and the same bed. I still have the same job at the same place. I still have the same routine that I did before. Everything is the same but everything is different. The joy, excitement, and satisfaction is gone from my life. I am just existing in life now instead of thriving. I recall on one of Mary's final doctors reports that he recorded her condition as "failure to thrive". She was not eating and she was loosing weight. Her strength was not improving and she was getting weaker. Mary was just barely existing physically at the time. I feel like my emotional condition at this time could be described as "failure to thrive". I see no improvement in the 7 weeks since Mary died. I'm still just as sad and heartbroken as I was that very night.
  5. I feel exactly the same way. Mary was only 53 years old. I was married to her for 27 years and I thank God for every one of them. Still I feel cheated also. We both worked hard while we were young and had plans and dreams of growing old together and slowing down to enjoy life more. Those plans were shattered on august 27 of this year. I know that none of us are promised tomorrow but I never realized how true that is until it happened. I have learned that we should make today count and not wait until tomorrow because it may never come. I'm not suggesting that we live like there is no tomorrow or that we don't make plans, only that we make the best of each day that we are given with the understanding that it could be our last. It is tragic that Mary had to die before I learned that lesson. God Bless You Jay
  6. PopPop, you answered your own question. Your new reason to go on is to minister to your daughter and to be ministered to by her. God has ways of making even death turn out for our good and His glory. You should read 2 Corinthians Chapter 4 God Bless You Jay
  7. Wow! Melina, you took the words right out of my mouth. Except it's been 7 weeks for me. This has happened to me so much now that I start to prepare for the emotional upset while I'm still having a good day because I know it's coming. God Bless You Jay
  8. Jay Wyatt

    Keeping Busy

    Hi Shelley, I have been going through those same issues. Below is my journal entry from a few days ago October 11, 2010 I've been busy for the last few days. Staying busy helps to keep my mind off of my sorrows for a little while but I'm finding out that I can't hide from grief, it always finds me. I can't run from it either because it always catches up to me. Grief cannot be denied because it is too overwhelming. Keeping busy only postpones grief because it is a process that must be carried out in order for healing to take place. I'm discovering that grief is like the recovery process after a person has a part of themselves amputated. With Mary's death I feel like a part of me was amputated and now I must go through the recovery process in order for the wound to heal. I must also learn to adapt to life without that part of me. So I find that grief is a natural and necessary process that has to be gone through and not avoided in order for healing to take place in my heart. I don't know if this helps or not but I thought I would share it. God Bless You Jay
  9. Jay Wyatt

    "let Me Fix It"

    Thanks so much for the replies. I needed to hear this. Jay Wyatt
  10. Jay Wyatt

    "let Me Fix It"

    I'm a fixer. That's what I do I fix things. There's nothing that I can't fix. I stick with whatever is broken until I get it fixed. I don't give up. If I have enough time I will get it fixed. I was in the process of fixing Mary. I prayed nonstop for her healing. I believed without a doubt that she would be healed. I shut my ears to all of the people who were trying to tell us that she could die. I studied her disease so that I would understand it better and be able to make sure that she was getting the proper care. I constantly reassured Mary that we were going to get through this and that we would do whatever it took to beat this cancer. I spent sleepless nights caring for her. I spent all of time that I had everyday working on getting this fixed. But my problem was that I ran out of time. Cancer took her life before I could fix it. I feel like a failure. I keep retracing my steps to see where I failed. I keep telling myself that I did everything possible that I could to fix this but I still keep feeling like I must have done something wrong. I keep asking what went wrong and why couldn't I fix it. Does anyone else feel like this? Like there was something else that they could have done to fix it. Are there any other fixers out there who feel like they failed?
  11. Jay Wyatt

    Your Legacy Is Probably Not A Box Of Stuff

    I just read this article and I could not believe how similar it was to my journal entry on October 4th. I am posting it for all to see. October 4, 2010 I got the bright idea to start cleaning out the attic today. It was a total wreck with boxes and clothes piled up to the ceiling. I managed to get most of Mary's clothes out and hang them in an empty closet in one of the upstairs bedrooms and I pulled out a couple of boxes that contained the Christmas decorations. I then came to a box that looked like it was full of old newspaper. In the box were lots of old nic nacs and what not's and old pictures that Mary had wrapped in newspaper and packed away. After seeing some of these things I realized that I was not ready at this time to tackle the attic. I just left everything and sat down and cried for a while. Now I have a bigger mess than I did before. But I also came to realize that Mary's legacy and her memories are not just some stuff in a box. No, the stuff in the box just triggered the memories that I have of her. I can pack the box away, I can give the stuff in the box away, I can throw it away, I can remove all of the pictures and every material thing that belonged to her but the memories will still be forever etched in my heart. I thank God that Mary's legacy is not in a box that can be packed away or thrown out but it is in the times that we shared together whether good or bad, happy or sad, crying or rejoicing. Shared time is the thing that I will always cherish that will never be lost or broken or stolen. Yes Mary left behind a priceless legacy, but it's not in a box, she left a legacy of love.
  12. Loneliness is visiting me once again this morning. He always shows up unannounced and at the most inconvenient time. Loneliness never calls to see if it is ok for him to stop by. Instead, he just shows up and walks right in without even knocking on the door. While he is here he demands all of my attention. If I go into another room he follows me. If I try to go on with my usual task’s he is right there in my face taunting me. If I tell him to leave he just sits there and stares back at me as if he doesn’t hear me. Loneliness is not a good friend to have. He is very pessimistic, a ‘glass half empty’ kind of person. He reminds me about time that I have to spend without Mary now instead of the wonderful time that we did spend together. He reminds me that my life is half over now instead of the future plans that God holds for me. He reminds me that all of the traditions that we had will never be the same now. I can hear his voice in the silence or in the tic tock of the clock on the wall. He shouts over top of the television or radio. Everywhere I look I see him and everywhere I turn He is there. How can I escape from the presence of loneliness? I will fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith. I will turn my ear to Him who promised to never leave me nor forsake me. Jesus stands at the door and knocks. I will invite Him in and loneliness will have to leave. You see, loneliness will only hang around as long as he has my undivided attention.
  13. Jay Wyatt

    "perfect Love"

    Thank You. I did not think about that.
  14. Jay Wyatt

    "perfect Love"

    I wrote it the day after Mary passed. I was riding home from the church cemetery after choosing her burial plot and the first sentence came to me. After I got home I wrote down that sentence and the rest just flowed from my heart.
  15. Jay Wyatt

    "perfect Love"

    Perfect Love The love of my life, my companion, my wife Has gone home to heaven, she took that great flight. God blessed me with her, when we were both young So full of life, alive and high-strung. We saw much sunshine; we went through much rain Good times and bad times, laughter and pain. Sometimes we laughed, and sometimes we cried But what ever we went through, she stayed by my side. She always loved me, no doubt in my mind Caring, compassionate, forgiving and kind. Her last years were painful, her last days were rough And though she was suffering, she stayed faithful and tough. She couldn't eat, and she couldn't walk And in her last hours, she couldn't even talk. But now she is feasting and singing glad songs And on streets of gold, she is running along. Safe in the presence, of her Savior and Lord Her battle is over, her body's restored. Good people pass away, often before their time But those who follow godly paths, rest in peace when they die. I'm sad and I'll miss her, I'm grieved and I'm hurt Because she's up in Heaven and I'm still on earth. But I'll see her again; I'll be with her someday Because Jesus my Savior, has provided the way. I loved her, the only way I knew how My love wasn't perfect, but she's loved perfect now. In loving memory of my precious wife Mary © 2010 by Jay Wyatt
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