Dani_E

Cali3 & Eddie, I want to express my deepest sympathy for both of your losses. I can relate to both of you on multiple levels. Three years ago and one month before my 21st birthday, my father died of lung cancer. He had been fighting the battle for 8 months and was only 53 years old. Being a very healthy and athletic man prolonged his stages of death and Eddie, I know what traumatic imagery you're talking about. I have weekly dreams of my father having already died, coming back to life so very sick and dying again. I was in college when my father died and chose to take a year off of school to take care of him. Two weeks before he died, he was put on hospice. After that, everyday was a step closer to death for him. One day it was him not eating anymore, the next not being able to swallow, then being put on oxygen, to me having to squirt liquid morphine into his mouth every hour. He was my hero so I slept on the floor next to him every single night throughout those last 2 weeks. One morning my back was hurting so I went and slept in another room and he died while I was out of the room. I feel like he waited until I left so he could leave this earth. Cali3-I watched my dad talk to angels while he was dying. I have no doubt in my mind it was anything else. He was as sharp as a nail up until his last breath so it definitely was not him losing it. At one point I saw him waive out the window and say goodbye to something. I said "Dad, who were you waiving to?" He replied, "I'm not exactly sure, they came up to me and said hello and shook my hand and then left the room." I asked him if they were angels and he said YES. When my family is all together for occasions no one gets emotional either. It used to bother me a lot, but now I have found when I talk to them individually they're able to express more. My brothers have handled the loss of my father a lot different than I. We were all young and we all had lost our mentor in life. Anyways..I just wanted you both to know that I can relate and I know how hard it is. My God bless you both, we will see them again.

Lynn, sweetheart I am so very sorry. I know what it is like to watch a young man die of lung cancer. My father died of lung cancer in 08' at the age of 53. Since he was still young and very healthy the dying process for him was longer as well. I am 24 now, but I was 20 when he died. My brothers were 19 and 17 and he had two baby girls with my stepmom who were 3 and 8months when he passed. I know it is difficult for your children and you are doing the right thing by trying to keep their lives as normal as possible. You do not need any advice as we all switch into survival mode when experiencing something so traumatic. Remember, you and your family are being carried through this difficult time and that will continue. May God be with you, your family, and your husband. I am sending you positive thoughts~ Sincerely, Dani

Niamh, Thank you so much for sharing your story. Having only been 16 months since your father has passed, I know what you are going through. The stages you experience as the years go by fluctuate, but I have faith it gets easier. I too am very sorry for your loss. Your sweet post means the world to me and lifted me. Speaking to people who understand what it is like is the most helpful. Like you, I have no friends who have experienced it although they're very supportive. I know this site will find me great comfort as we are all in this together. I made the right decision when I decided to register. Sending you a "daddys girl hug" back . Kavish, Thank you for your story as well. I know our loved ones are still with us. I know they help to pick us up when we are down and smile with us when we are happy. We will see their beautiful faces again one day. We must pick ourselves up and be the best we can be. What has came with our loss is also a blessing. We have developed empathy through our loss and can use that to help others.

Hello All, My name is Dani. I registered on this site because I am struggling greatly with overcoming the loss of my father. My father was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (caused from asbestos) in June of 2007 and passed away 8 months later on February 28th, 2008. He was put on hospice two weeks before he died and those two weeks are what haunt me now. I chose to stay by his bedside throughout those two weeks because he was my hero. I slept next to him every night, gave/managed his medications while the hospice nurses weren't there, and was simply there next to him for support because I was daddy’s little girl. My father was the strongest, most loving man I have ever met. He worked up until one month before he died and he could hardly walk out the door his last day. He never complained of being in pain nor ever said he was afraid of death. He remained strong and smiling until his last breath. He knew he had to stay strong for us kids as we were all young. I was 20, my brothers were 17 and 19 and he had two baby girls with my stepmom who were 3yrs and 8months when he passed. My father was only 53 years old when he died and was a very healthy, athletic man. It has been 3 years since I lost my hero, my daddy and it was at the two year mark that I really started to struggle. I have weekly dreams of my father having died, coming back to life, and dying again of cancer. I freak out in my dreams because I am consciously aware that he has already died. In these dreams I experience everything I experienced throughout those last two weeks of his life. Witnessing him not able to eat and looking like a skeleton, to his weak voice and yellow skin. His breathing and sleeping patterns were the most traumatic for me to watch and is what specifically haunts me in these dreams. I am in pain. When I think about him, I tear up. It is difficult for me to remember him healthy and athletic because my mind is tainted by him being sick. The saying "I miss you more than words can express" has never meant more. I would give the world just to hug him again or see his sweet, soft, loving smile. I know I will see him again one day, but I need to be able to overcome the pain of his death in this life and not the next.