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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Hesnmyheart

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  • Date of Death
    not dead
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
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  1. Hi, I am new to this site. I needed someone to talk to. I guess I am going through the anticipatory grief. My husban is 42 years old with Stage IV breast cancer with mets to the bones. I just lost my mother to colon cancer this past Jan. 2011. My husband has not been given over to hospice. Most days he is in the bed, hurting. Cancer has engulfed his spine. It was in every bone in his body. He has been stumbling, falling at least 3 or 4 times a month. He's constantly short of breath, and a raspy voice.Hard to breath. In bed most of the days. I am angry because I see him suffer so much. I am not in his shoes, but he suffers so much, but will not take the morphine because of the name. I am constantly awakened in the night from him falling. I am the only one that works. We have an 11 year old. He has severe peripheal polyneurothapy (I think I spelled it correctly). But he insists on driving. I worry he will hit someone. He lifts his legs to drive. He suffers, but sugarcoats it with the dr. I feel my hands are tied. He is not honest with the dr. He is losing weight at a tremendous speed. Has has gone from 180 to 160 since February. He started out weighing 255. We have been going through this sickness for a year and a half. I am nervous in my stomach, because I don't know what to expect. I have started to cry and hurt on the inside because I just don't know what to expect. He performs for others, and many times I feel like he locks me out. I am his caretaker, but he seems happier with others. I don't know. He has more bad days, than good days. He has not been given a time...he told the dr. he did not want to know. So much more, but I will save it for later. I read about anticipatory grief. I wonder if this is what I am dealing with.
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