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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Babypod

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  • Posts

    103
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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    4/11/2011
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Hospice of Northern Michgain

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Buckley, Michigan
  1. My Great Grandfather died Feb 14th 1938 - every year my Grandma was sad on that date. It was a sudden death - he was in his 40's and died of a massive heart attack at work. I always called her on that day because I knew she was sad - she never forgot. I think it is still a great idea. We will be 11 months since the death of my Grandma and I know for me it seems to be getting harder again. I think it is very sweet of you to remember. Angel
  2. Everyday I think of her. I don't cry everyday anymore - but I sure do miss her every day. Some days my mind still blocks out that she is gone. My mind can't grasp that she isn't walking around her kitchen clicking her teeth doing something. St. Patty's day is coming up - Grandma was proud to be 100% Irish - so the kids and I split a shamrock shake at McD's for her (she loved those things). I have a photo of her in my kitchen so I can see her when I cook. I have a photo of her in my hallway so I can see her when I walk anywhere. I have one of her table runners in my entry way so I can see her when I got home. Things have been crazy here. The youngest of my four kids was just diagnosed with autism (my oldest has autism) - and I wanted to call and talk to Grandma. . . but I couldn't. We finally just sold our house (yesterday) and when I got the news the closing was complete I wanted to call Grandma and tell her. . . but I couldn't. Everyday there is something I want to share with her - but I can't. She was the only person in my life who fully supported me, who I could count on day or night, who I could tell anything to - and now she is gone. I have never had a lot of friends. I am different than most people my age - I generally find I don't have a lot in common with people (I think I bore them!) Grandma never made me feel different - she loved me for who I am. Grandma was my best friend. I am finding Grandma was a lot of people's best friend. I miss her so much - I just want her here. At the same time though I realize how selfish that is. Grandma had 36 years with me. Grandma was tired. She couldn't see. She couldn't hear. She couldn't do the things she loved anymore. She was in pain. My Grandfather died in 1969 - and she missed him so much. My aunt died in 1961 - she missed her so much. I know Grandma is where she needs to be - no more pain - no more blindness - with Grandpa and Aunt Mary. . . . I just miss her so much and would do anything to hug her again.
  3. I am so sorry for your losses! My husband was 25 when he lost his mom - which really was his only parent. It is so hard. I wish there was more I could give you besides my sympathy and support. . .
  4. Daughter 2010, I completely understand what you are saying. Wish I could hug you right now. Angel
  5. Deb - I am so sorry. We will be 10 months on the 11th. I can't believe it has been that long. I still feel her hands in mine.
  6. Ashly, I am so sorry for your loss. We had our first at 23 weeks. It was a very uneventful pregnancy - no problems - everything appeared great. Went in to my 22 week check up and they couldn't find a heartbeat. The baby had passed away in utero. No one really knows why - he just died. I was devastated. My live had changed. All the plans we had were broken. I agree with MartyT - it can be hard to grieve. Anyone who hasn't been through that really has no clue - and even those who have been through it experience different things. I know our loss was pre-birth - and I can only imagine the pain you are having with delivering a baby and having to watch her go - but you will be in my prayers. If you ever need to talk feel free to message me. For me - June 17th is always hard (the day we delivered our baby). Several years later I had a set of twins and their due date was the same date as the due date of our first (we called him "Webbie" - we didn't want to know his gender before hand and that was our nick name for him so that was the name we stuck with.) I worried that entire pregnancy that it would be a repeat of Webbie's - but it wasn't. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Angel
  7. My Grandmother had to go through telling her kids their dad wasn't coming home. He had a heart attack one evening and she rode to the hospital in the ambulance with him - her 7, 12, and 13 year old yelling as they pulled out of the driveway, "Bring daddy home with you!" At the hospital he had a second heart attack and died. My Grandmother was a typical housewife of the day - she didn't manage anything before my Grandpa died - she never even drove a car - she didn't work outside the home - he managed all the bills and worked. Then he died. She had to come home and tell the three little kids that their Dad wasn't coming home. Personally - for me - even thinking about it I get sick to my stomach. I don't know how my Grandma did it - but she did. She loved my Grandpa with all her heart - he was a great man. She never re-married. I will say she missed him every day of her life - but she found a way to continue. She did it for her kids. She slowly just came back to life - one day at a time. It does get better. If my Grandma could do it - with no support system - no job - no marketable skills - no drivers license - if she could re-build her life and find a way to get beyond the pain than anyone can. Good luck. For me it has been 9 months since we lost my Grandma - I am slowly starting to get beyond the fog - but I miss her every day.
  8. slm, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. If you ever want to talk here personal message me. I lost my Grandma in April - she raised me so she was more like my mom - plus she was my best friend. She became a widow very young - with three young children - she was a strong and vibrant person. She survived cancer - lived alone up until the last couple of years (she lost her vision) - and up until the last few months of her life was a strong person. Those last few months where very difficult to watch - a vibrant - loving - kind - amazing person wither away both physically and mentally is hard. And I also understand the battles with the medical community. I hate to admit that I worked in a hospital for a year and a half - hated it - I never will do it again. The attitude that so many of the hospital staff had towards people at the end of their lives just made me sick. It still makes me sick. My Grandma who survived pancreatic cancer ended up passing away because of a UTI. Trying to do what is right for your loved one when it feels like the medical community really doesn't care is hard - and having them use your actions against you is even harder (I have seen them do this to people before - it is heartbreaking) I will say that someday the anger about his care will dissipate. I am all for writing letters to anyone you can about it though - to help prevent what happened to you from happening to others. That helped me a lot - I wrote the medical practice that dropped the ball with my Grandma - wrote to the head doctor - don't think anything ever became of it but at least it was out there. I have found the people here to be wonderful and supportive. All have been through a loss - you will find that some have similar stories to you. Good luck - you will be in my thoughts Angel
  9. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. I don't have a lot of anger (maybe I am not at that step yet) - I just have sadness and disbelief (lost my Grandmother in April of 2011 - we were very close). From what I have read it is OK to be angry - just don't let it become who you are. It has only been a short time. When my husband lost his mom in '97 he was angry for about 5 years - really angry - blamed everyone and everything for his anger - then he realized it was from the loss of his mom to breast cancer at the age of 51. I think the fact that you know the anger stems from your loss is a good thing to help you move forward. Angel
  10. I know this sounds strange - but when I really need to talk to my Grandma I still call her number. I get the, "This number is no longer in service" recording - but before that picks up I always have a moment of hope that somehow it will ring and she will pick and say "Hello." Sometimes I even talk to the recording like it is her. . . . Anyone else do this?
  11. Well - I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Years. I can't believe 2011 is coming to an end. Living in Florida for the first time it really seems like it is still June - so hard to believe this 80 degree day is the last day of the year. I will say - for the last few months I have just wanted 2011 to be over. This has thus far been the worse year of my life. WE lost Mrs. Gordon in Feb. Lost Grandma in April. Moved 1400 miles away - leaving everyone and everything I know and love. Not really liking Florida city living - really am a Michigan country girl. . . My father-in-law had a heart attack on Thanksgiving (thankfully he is OK). My daughter has been ill since October and we are trying to bring her back to health. Really just felt like 2011 was garbage. . . So here I am on the last day of 2011 - I thought I would feel happy but I don't. I am hoping 2012 brings more joy. What I will say is this 2012 will be the first year since I have been born where Grandma won't exist. There will be no midnight call on New Years to say "Happy New Year!" - toasting with hot cocoa. I don't want to start a new year without her. I know I must. She did it. My Grandpa died young leaving her a widow with three young children, no job, no money, no marketable skills - but she did it even though I know her heart was broken and she didn't want to go on. So I must do it too. I just miss her so much. Love you Grandma - today and every day.
  12. Merry Christmas to you. YOu will be in my thoughts tomorrow Angel
  13. I just wanted to wish everyone here a Merry Christmas, happy new year, happy holiday - what ever you may observe. I know this has been a rough year for me - and right now is very hard - I couldn't be here without all the support and advice I have gotten from all of you. All my love, Angel
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